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Relapsed after almost 4 months

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Relapsed after almost 4 months

Postby Ironlight » Mon Apr 26, 2021 1:12 am

Alcohol made me so sick that I quit “for good” on January 1st.
Since then I’ve said I’m never drinking again. I’ve only ever drank to self medicate or from social pressure.

The thing is is that I don’t care, or at least it feels that way.

My therapist of 3 years couldn’t figure out why I self sabotage so much. All I know is I’m going into work for the first time since last year tomorrow and I’m in a really great place in my life.

*mod edit*. Anyone else dealing with relapse and self sabotage?
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Re: Relapsed after almost 4 months

Postby Wally58 » Wed Jun 02, 2021 1:40 pm

It is very dangerous to say that "I quit for good". Alcohol is cunning, baffling, powerful...and very patient. The bottle is out there waiting to strike in a moment of fragility or duress.
That is why the slogan "One day at a time" is so important. It is always one day at a time. Keep it all in perspective and in manageable 'chunks'. Don't look at 'the big picture'.
To quit 'for good', sounds too overwhelming to me. I will always be 'powerless' over alcohol, but as long as I don't drink today, I have a fighting chance at my recovery.

I drank to the point of early organ damage. What was worse was that I really didn't care at the time. I just didn't know it would be a slow, painful death and would hurt so bad.
So basically I chickened out and wanted to stop this apathetic course of self-destruction. It wasn't easy. I had tried stopping or cutting down my drinking many times before. It turned me into a binge drinker, I went back to being a daily drinker as it was more stable.

Then I had my epiphany. The hopelessness turned 180º into hopefulness. I really thought I could make it this time and I did.
This was 32 years ago on July 4th and I only look back to remember the despair, insanity and trouble that alcohol caused me toward the end of my drinking. It never helped me cope or made anything better really.

Finally, I got involved. I was a greeter. I was a coffeemaker. I went out with AA people for meals after the meeting. I fell in love. Life can still be difficult and throw me for a loop these days, but it is manageable and I am in my right mind. I trust my decisions today.

Best of luck to you, my friend. :D
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