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Feeling like the Black Sheep in the Family as a Trigger

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Feeling like the Black Sheep in the Family as a Trigger

Postby katiem » Tue Jul 03, 2018 3:53 am

Hi, this will probably be a bit of a rant...
I was roofied last week while out drinking. I developed a bit of a problem with drinking as it has become my way to escape (dealing with some complex PTSD and bipolar type II). Last week I took up an opportunity to go to the bar and ended up being roofied with the person intending to take me back to their place. I realized what had happened and called someone for help, and they did, and got me out of a terrible situation that could've ended pretty badly. Since then I decided it was time to quit and give everything up, focus on my health and avoiding these terrible situations. Giving up drinking was a bit difficult but I've been pretty successful. That was till today (which really is only 9 days without alcohol :? ). My sister is visiting and we got into a fight over random things. It's the fact that my mother also always gangs up on me in these situations that makes things worse. I've always felt like I'm the black sheep, and have even brought this up to them before that I feel like I am often treated like that. I just have completely different philosophies (my major in college was science based, while the rest of my family is in business), I have been through a lot of trauma, I'm the heaviest in the family at 140 lbs, my two sisters are pretty much best friends, and I've just always been a bit on the outside. Having them gang up on me like that is just such a trigger. It's not like they are bad people or anything, I just don't think they really understand. I can't handle it, and now I'm drinking again. I don't know what to do, cause I was doing so well..

Again this is quite a rant, not really with a point I guess besides the fact that I've failed at being sober.

Anyone else dealt with families that bring out the worst in them?

-Kristen
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Re: Feeling like the Black Sheep in the Family as a Trigger

Postby Wally58 » Tue Jul 03, 2018 11:33 am

Our family is full of black sheep through the generations. We don't really talk about them. My mom said that it was a genetic mental illness, but I saw it for what it was: plain old alcoholism.
My brother is an angry alcoholic. Mom is convinced that he is schizophrenic and told him not to have children. Bless her heart, she just cannot bring herself to see alcoholism for what it is.
Even if my brother has secondary mental illness(es), they can't diagnose or treat anything until the alcoholic haze is lifted. He has no interest in recovery at this point and lives far away by himself, drunk and angry.
I was affected myself. I was 'different'. We are all different. I tried quitting on my own, but always failed at it.
I had to find a support system to put in place that involved and connected with other recovering people. It was difficult at first because drinking was such a personal choice and I was ashamed of it. Will power doesn't work. I really thought that I could deal with it myself.
I had to ask for help, which crushed me at first. I thought that I would never have to face a personal failure like this, but there are millions like us out there with the same problem.
I found AA which was supplemented with professional therapy and anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication.
Get an evaluation and go from there.
Without alcohol, I did have a sweet-tooth and drank coffee for awhile, but I was able to moderate my intake when that was becoming an issue. Our bodies will be looking for a chemical substitute for awhile. That should calm down once we adjust.
Asking for help is a sign of strength and takes great courage. Do not be afraid of it. I could have never recovered on my own. Believe me I tried. You just can't 'think' your way out of an addiction.
Best of luck to you. :D
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