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Haven't left the apartment in nearly a year

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Haven't left the apartment in nearly a year

Postby Esperitis » Tue Jul 31, 2018 1:59 am

I'm a 47 year old woman, struggling with agoraphobia.
I had a short spell of agoraphobia when I was in my early 20s, but managed to pull out of it with the help of therapy and medication.
I had a 10 year reprieve (at the time I mistakenly thought I was over it), and it came back more forcefully in 2004.
For about 6 years medication helped me and kept me functioning, but its affect was very gradually eroding until, at the beginning of 2010, it suddenly lost all affect and I was left struggling to keep on working, relying on sedatives.
I eventually had to quit my job because I couldn't handle the commuting, and have since passed through several psychiatrists and therapists, and also a long list of medication. Nothing seemed to work for me anymore, and this year I had finally come to the conclusion that the various anti depressants I was prescribed were no help in my specific case, while causing various side affects, the worst of which is a considerable weight gain.
In these past years I managed to work only intermittently, and sadly, in spite of trying really hard, found that my ability to move around kept diminishing.
I often compare this to trying to climb up a hill during a land slide. Try as I might, I only found myself in a worse state.
I became a freelancer so that I can work from home, and fortunately, I have been able to support myself for the past two years.
I am also fortunate enough to be living with a very good friend who is helpful and supportive.
But my ventures outside have become less and less frequent, less and less tolerable, until the present situation, in which I only venture out to the building staircase every now and then, and only at night, because I really dread meeting people and having them look at me.
I try to exercise at home, but my motivation isn't great. Though I hope it will improve.
I miss my photography, and I am quite lonely.
It is my first attempt to contact people with the same problem, in the hopes that it will somewhat alleviate my loneliness and cheer me up, and so help me to strive more to better my life.
This is a really long post...
Will be happy to hear back from anyone, here or privately.
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