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Meditation and Stress

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Meditation and Stress

Postby StressedOutGuy » Thu Oct 01, 2015 8:30 pm

Trying to control my stress, I have recently exercised Meditation and what I found out is that Meditation calms me down, but I don't want to meditate. I don't want to do it. It is like, I don't want to be calm. I reluctantly do it but I don't go to meditate full-heatedly. Why is that? Because I think I have made an unconscious choice to be uncalm and uneasy with everything in life. I am not happy with life and I want things to be bad between me and life. I don't want me to be happy with life. I am angry with life and stress is the way to express that anger. It had been so long that I laughed to express satisfaction. I almost forgot the feeling. I am angry with life and may be I am angry at the creator too I don't know. But once after meditating, I remembered once incident that happened to me as a kid, I could remember it with all the details and the negative feelings, so, I thought it must be related to my stress somehow.

As a kid my mother had instructed me that nobody should slap you or it will make you undignified person. I really held my mother's words to heart and I stuck very tightly to her rule. My cousin's hands accidentally touched my cheeks and I took it to be a slap. It fit perfectly my definition of slap. So, I cried out loud and I insisted that I must slap my cousin. No matter how hard I tried to slap my cousin, he refused and now that I look back at it, it makes sense for him to refuse. At that time, i just wanted to follow my mother's instructions I guess and I wanted my cousin to follow them too because my mother's words are to be respected. At that time, I took my mother to be the most important person in the world. Funny, how perception changes over time. As people around me tried to calm me down, that made me more angry. I even snapped at an adult mother of one of my friends. I felt bad and angry and I feed bad and angry as I am writing this story now. I didn't know and i still don't whether I am angry at me or I am angry at God having put me in this embarrassing situation.
StressedOutGuy
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