I am so glad, I found this website and others whom can understand my plight with a manipulative mother. All my life, my mother has emotionally manipulated our relationship, she is extremely toxic. One example, of my mother's manipulation, my mother changed my birth certificate, because my father refused to marry her and never changed it back. So, years later, at 34, I had to correct this error, once discovered and it made me really upset at my mother, especially because she knew all along, this information was incorrect on my birth certificate. My mother is only truly happy when she is able to point out, my faults, embarrass me amongst my friends and tell my daughter of all my poor choices. Another example, of manipulation, when I moved to another state, my friends mailed to my last address, my mother's home, an invitation to a baby shower, in which my mother did not tell me about and attended herself, telling all my old high school friends, that I moved to another state and was currently in the process of moving to my second apartment in that state. I was so embarrassed when a friend on facebook told me what happened, everyone thought I knew about the baby shower and chose not to attend. This caused a huge riff between my friends and I , which I did not repair, because, every time I try to fix my mother's errors in my life, it causes more problems. Four years ago, my mother, tried to turn my daughter against me by telling her I was an awful person and fueled my daughter's teenage angst, at the time. I had to go to the courts and place a restraining order against my mother for no contact until my daughter graduated High School. This broke my heart and made me feel like I was a horrible person, but, my daughter was beginning to fail in school and believed she could go live with my mother if she stopped performing well in school. This was the last straw, I stopped speaking to my mother 3 years ago because of her toxic nature to our relationship, and banned her from speaking to my daughter, she had to stop and those were the best years of my life. Now, that my daughter is an adult, my mother is trying to speak to me through her and it is a subtle form of manipulation which is irritating me. I receive many emails and forwards from my mother, which I do not respond too, but, as an adult woman, I am just tired of these manipulative measures. All her emails state "I pray things are okay with you and you and God are at peace" or she will tell my adult daughter "tell your mom I said hi, even though she does not want to hear it" and other attempts to continue manipulating me. I recently have decided to stop engaging my mother, the hole in my heart has grown, because I do not have a successful mother-daughter relationship.
I am in therapy, because, a lifetime of emotional manipulation have ruined my self esteem and I made me incapable of a thriving relationship, because, the patterns I look for in a man are unavailable. My daughter has escaped this cycle, and is well adjusted, but, a bit too much of a momma's girl..
Being raised by a manipulative person caused a very uneasy dynamic within my family and with my friends, my mother was always apart of making me embarrassed telling everyone my faults and making me always defend my choices with outsiders. Growing up, I did not know this was harmful to my psyche, I knew that I was always upset and never focused on success in my life. As a result, I don't try and connect with people on a personal level too often, I stay by myself. My mother has never, to my knowledge, been diagnosed with a disorder, but, I think she knows something is wrong with her. The only validation, I receive is our family does not talk or reach out to my mother at all. Instead they reach out and support me. For some odd reason this makes me upset, that they only support me, and I encourage them to reach out to her for support. Now, they are beginning to do so. Growing up amongst this amount of strife, uncertainty and anger, has made me emotionally damaged. My mother has had problems in the past establishing and keeping relationships with men, which has introduced a barrage of unsavory characters into my life, as a child. I developed a negative personality so these men would think I was horrible and I would be sent to my grandmother's house to live, which worked, I guess I learned to be manipulative too.