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Afraid to ask therapist

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Afraid to ask therapist

Postby katieeco » Mon Sep 07, 2015 3:36 pm

I've been going to my therapist for a few months now and he's the best therapist I've had and I'm starting to trust him (not easy feat for me at all). I have PTSD and BPD along with an eating disorder. I have an intense fear of abandonment and I constantly am afraid that my therapist is going to refer me away or give up on me. We've talked about this once before and he told me not to worry but I need to be reminded of this often or else I start to freak out and convince myself that he's going to abandon me but Im afraid to ask him to keep reminding me of this because I'm afraid he'll think I'm just stupid and insecure. I also have a history of sexual assault and sometimes in therapy I feel unsafe and I need him to remind me that it's s safe place often but I'm afraid to ask for that too because he'll think I'm just weak and insecure.
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Re: Afraid to ask therapist

Postby PolarBearStare » Tue Sep 08, 2015 10:06 pm

Hi Katie

I'm really glad that you're bonding with your therapist and that you've found one who you can work with. I really hear you when you say that you are worried about what he might think of you if you ask him for reassurance.

I think though that it's really ok to tell him what you need. I think he's a professional and will want to help you. It sounds like worrying about being abandoned is a really big issue for you, so it's important you talk about it if you can so you can allow yourself to start to heal and realise that he will still be there every week and that nothing that you do or say can frighten him away.

I don't think being insecure is necessarily a bad thing - insecure just means you haven't had someone in your past who could make you feel secure. That's a really normal situation for someone who comes to therapy and it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.

I know the big issues are the ones that are the most scary to talk about, but they also bring the most change in ourselves when we work through them. I feel for you, as I know it isn't easy, but it sounds like you're being really brave.

It sounds like you're doing a wonderful job in therapy and I wish you lots of success in your journey.

Best wishes,

Lisa
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Re: Afraid to ask therapist

Postby firelamb67 » Fri Sep 11, 2015 2:37 am

If your T diagnosed you with BPD or knows you have it then he's well aware that extreme fear of abandonment is a really big issue. Don't be afraid to tell him what you need, what your fears are etc. You can even tell him you aren't/weren't sure to bring it up and explain why. He can help you work through it.

Whenever you don't feel safe during therapy, you should tell him. It's very important that he knows you feel unsafe, again it will help him help you work through these issues.

Ts who are willing to work with BPD clients know what they're doing. I'm BPD too and I was really mean and did some really horrible stuff to my T. I just knew she was going to dismiss me so I decided I'd help it along and get it over with. 2 1/2 years later she's still with me in spite of what I did. AND what's so sad is I still think she's going to do away with me. She always tells me she's not going anywhere. It's not as bad as it used to be but I get these moments of panic where I think she's done with me.

If you trust your T and have a strong theraputic relationship with him, everything will be ok. Don't be afraid to tell him about your needs and concerns.
DID, BPD, DP/DR

What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
-R.W. Emerson
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