Opioid withdrawal - is this normal and how long does it last

Hey guys,

So I spent about 6 weeks doing 80-100 mgs of Roxicodone a day. Have been clean for about two weeks now so I think acute withdrawal should be over. However I still feel very anxious and wound up all the time, very jittery, can't sleep, can't relax. It's making it really impossible for me to focus on anything because I can't settle down, and very anxious -- even just like asking someone to hang out makes me really nervous. Anyone know if this is normal and when it goes away? Also if there's anything I can do to alleviate it some? I would kill just to be able to calm down for like an hour.

Thanks.

Hello. I am just new here and I don't know what should i advise. But, why don't you go to a rehabilitation center? I think they will help you so much. Even though your clean for two weeks, I think it is better for you to let them know about what happen to you. Good luck to you. Hope that you will be totally clean and can do normal things again.

Hi Haverstind, thank you for writing back. I'm still relatively new to this whole thing myself but I think I've always had issues with substances and have sort of been in denial about it. In retropsect it was probably inevitable I'd eventually fall into a real addiction eventually.

I would like to get involved in some kind of outpatient rehab or something as you mentioned. I don't really like NA or AA much 'cause they're so cultish and religious but I think commiting to some kind of recovery program would be good. Like you said, I don't like feeling like I can't do normal things without the help of drugs. I don't like how often I'm too scared to do things or see people without them. I spend so much time feeling sick and weak, my body feels weird and awkward, my sex drive is gone because I feel so unattractive and it makes me shy to the point of paralysis. And there's someone in my life I genuinely love and he's trying to quit them and I feel terrible that I keep bringing them back into his life, I know he will have to stay away from me if I don't stop doing it, and moreover I don't want our relationship to be centered around drug use I just want us both to be healthy and happy. So I have lots of good reasons to quit. Have you tried rehab before? Did it work? What other things have you found effective? It's not like I crave drugs all the time or anything but all it really takes is one moment, one slip, and I'm right back where I started. I need to find ways of getting through that moment.

Callalily wrote:I don't really like NA or AA much 'cause they're so cultish and religious

As a member of NA in one of the least religious cities in the world I'm just going to inform you that you're completely wrong but don't worry, a lot of people make that mistake. AA used to be a religious program when originally started in 1935, NA was never a religious program.

Back to the regular programming, don't want to hi-jack your thread.

oliveira wrote:As a member of NA in one of the least religious cities in the world I'm just going to inform you that you're completely wrong but don't worry, a lot of people make that mistake. AA used to be a religious program when originally started in 1935, NA was never a religious program.

Back to the regular programming, don't want to hi-jack your thread.

Ha no - not a hijack, I know you are trying to help. I guess it's the whole "higher power" thing that makes me associate the program with religion, but most of the people I know who've done it say that you really don't need to surrender to a god or something, that it's more about saying you can't control the addiction yourself.

I don't know, even if it were religious, I kind of feel like I could make peace with that aspect of it if it would help me stop using so much. I am so tired of feeling like $#%^ all the time. I can't focus at work because I feel like I'm in a fog...I can't remember the last time I actually completed anything I was supposed to do. Last year at this time I could run and climb rock walls and dance for hours and now I get winded climbing a flight of stairs. And I'm so isolated -- I feel like I spend 80% of my life hiding from people because I'm too ill to be in contact with them. I'm still sitting at work right now because I'm too sick to go home and face the people I live with. I just found out the guy I'm in love with may be moving away and I can't even spend time with him because I feel too disgusting and awful to talk or even be seen. I get irritated when people stop at my desk because I don't feel up to talking to them, even though they're trying to be friendly.

I just want to be healthy and take care of myself and be good to the people around me and I feel like I haven't been able to do any of that for months now. I know I have to get better so why do I keep falling back?

Sorry this is a downer I always get really sad and angry at myself when I'm like this. Thanks for listening.

Some examples of higher power I heard mentioned at our meetings: person's father, nature, wind, the NA itself or the group in particular. Mine would be fire, probably, have I not found something else that works for me. The only thing the "higher power" needs to be is stronger than we are -- because addiction was also stronger than we were. So we're looking to find some ally to help us. Anyway, if you like to PM me and ask some more questions, please do by all means.

I know how it feels to be in this kind of terrible sadness/downer/isolation circle. You are down because you isolate; you isolate because you're down. There are ways out though -- not just NA, it's something that works for me, but you might find something else. I can definitely promise you it will get better if you work on getting out of the circle. *hug*

Are you feeling better now that a few more days have passed? I hope so.

oliveira wrote:Some examples of higher power I heard mentioned at our meetings: person's father, nature, wind, the NA itself or the group in particular. Mine would be fire, probably, have I not found something else that works for me. The only thing the "higher power" needs to be is stronger than we are -- because addiction was also stronger than we were. So we're looking to find some ally to help us. Anyway, if you like to PM me and ask some more questions, please do by all means.

I know how it feels to be in this kind of terrible sadness/downer/isolation circle. You are down because you isolate; you isolate because you're down. There are ways out though -- not just NA, it's something that works for me, but you might find something else. I can definitely promise you it will get better if you work on getting out of the circle. *hug*

Are you feeling better now that a few more days have passed? I hope so.

Thank you very much for your kind words. I will PM you soon and I wish I could write more now but I'm sick 'cause I relapsed again. It's interesting what you said -- that the addiction is stronger than I am. Maybe that's the hardest part to accept is that it's not something I can manage or control on my own, without help. I don't like thinking of myself as needing help.

Thank you for the hug and kind words. Actually things are pretty bad today. I just feel like I have nothing that makes me feel good about myself anymore, and I feel totally alone. I have cut myself off from pretty much everyone, as you mentioned. There is one person that I love but he doesn't love me back. I have no idea where I'm going or what I want to do and I feel completely out of control and scared and sick and lonely. I'm pretty much running on hope at this point. But hearing from you helped, so thank you.

I know it doesn't feel like it now, but this feeling might come useful sometime later, when you are clean for months but still feel cravings. Hold on to those memoriess and don't forget them (which is not to say "live in them 24/7 and keep on re-feeling them).

Addiction is an addiction precisely because it is stronger than we are. "Normies" can use a drug or drink when they feel like it. We use it because we have to. At the beginning we're able to convince ourselves we're just feeling like it. It's just that we start feeling like it all the time. On Monday morning, for instance. Or with our loved one next to us. Or when visiting our mother. We convince ourselves it's fine to do some drugs before going to work. Because our illness of addiction is telling us lies, and we can't find the strength to say "no" and face the painful truth.

It takes reaching the rock bottom to realise that we have been lying to ourselves. We end up hurting a lot of people, including ourselves. The ones we love best normally end up suffering the most. This bitter, bitter feeling can be the beginning of healing; when it hurts so bad we finally realise we MUST change our life. For me that was about a year ago. I relapsed a few times in the next two months, then finally got 100% clean in March and stayed like that. Not bad I think for someone whose previous record was 11 days.

Hugs -- I hope you feel better very soon.

oliveira wrote:At the beginning we're able to convince ourselves we're just feeling like it. It's just that we start feeling like it all the time. On Monday morning, for instance. Or with our loved one next to us. Or when visiting our mother. We convince ourselves it's fine to do some drugs before going to work. Because our illness of addiction is telling us lies, and we can't find the strength to say "no" and face the painful truth. It takes reaching the rock bottom to realise that we have been lying to ourselves. We end up hurting a lot of people, including ourselves. The ones we love best normally end up suffering the most.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Today I came to work sober and just felt completely stuck: "I can't possibly do my work without pills. I just need one so I'm in a good mood and will start being productive and creative and get something accomplished. I haven't done anything good in weeks -- if I just have a couple pills in me I can get caught up and then get clean for good this time." Like a gambling addict who's 100 grand in the hole and if he can just win this next hand it will turn it all around and everything will be just fine.

People I love and have always felt comfortable around -- nope, can't be around them sober: "I'll be too quiet and too nervous and I might say the wrong thing and what if I'm not entertaining or cool enough and he stops liking me. I can't lose him too. I'll just do this one pill tonight so he will think of me as pretty and happy and warm and not the sick dessicated corpse I will be tomorrow."

Being a drug addict is hard work too. I mean I'm not like a Trainspotting-level addict, I'm not out robbing old ladies for cash, but I am constantly running around trying to scrape together enough money to stay well, and even when you've got it you're dealing with flaky dealers who don't answer the phone or aren't holding when you most need it, or IOPs that are all of a sudden having shipping issues, or UPS losing your package and you're sitting there sweating and nauseous trying not to beat the $#%^ out of the poor UPS clerk, etc. And when you're sick and desperate you start making stupid choices, bothering your friends to the point where they must hate you, asking people you barely know and who you don't even trust, posting on the shadiest forums ever, trying to organize things at work & at your parents house. You stop even trying to hide it. It's exhausting.

All to try not to get sick to the point where you can't function, because then you will lose your job & your friends, and your family will find out, and everyone will know, and your life will fall apart.

What's scares me is the thought that maybe that's what it will take for me to stop. Losing everything. Life falling apart. It already seems to be happening so fast and it feels out of my control. I'm more scared than I have ever been and ironically the only thing that makes me feel in control and safe is being high. I guess that's partly what you mean when you say it lies to you. It feels it's protecting you and making you stronger while all the while it's sucking everything away.

Thank you for talking to me. It feels good to stop for even five minutes and take a look at what's happening before I dive right back into it again. I wish I could say I wasn't going to but I don't know what else to do.

I am glad to talk to you anytime you need. *hug*

It's interesting you mention gambling. I also post in gambling forum and there are so many similarities between gambling and drugs/alcohol. The principle, the effects, the fact that somehow we get the same result 999 times but expect a different one on 1000th attempt.

Do not think that you aren't "addict enough". There is never such a thing as "addicted enough". My local group has people that had to be resuscitated three times and people who simply couldn't stop smoking weed (I know there are posters here who think weed isn't addictive, I beg to differ). We all did stupid things. We all have different definitions of rock bottom. I was a "high bottom addict" -- it took me relatively short time to realise I am out of control. I didn't have to lose my partner/job/house. But some people have to almost die, get HIV positive, lose their spouses, lose touch with their families, move to the street and then almost die again and again until they realise next time they might not be so fortunate. And while homeless, starving and lonely might not feel fortunate, it still beats "dead".

You might be correct in saying that you need to lose everything. I hope this isn't the case. 100% honest, I met the people for whom this was indeed correct. Sometimes if you go into recovery too early, the madness persists and keeps on telling you "you've been clean 3/6/12 months, you can do it again, you're safe". You have to first hit the rock bottom hard enough to tell the madness "no, I can't, I never will be able to, go away". And you are the only person who knows what "hard enough" is.

Big hugs. Write anytime, here or via PM.