I've had a mild/moderate stutter since year 3. I am now 20 years old and before it never bothered me that badly it was just embarrassing, but now it's crippling because I have so many negative feelings towards it. Lately, I've been having bouts of anxiety and depression and a major factor to all my fears, negative thoughts anger is towards my stutter and how I feel defeated. Tbh I'm not sure if the issue is the anxiety/depression or the stutter itself. I'm crying every day, I'm full of fear and have lost energy to do anything. I'm currently looking to change jobs and I find myself constantly skipping interviews and making excuses because I'm so crippled by my feelings. It's come to a point where I want to go to sleep and not wake up. At first I thought it was PMS but clearly, I've figured out that it's not.
I'm not completely a rain cloud of doom, I have days where I feel happy or content but those days have become fewer and with an upcoming event like job interviews, I find it difficult to get through the day. I don't know anyone who stutters, nobody in my family has this problem so nobody really understands, so it is very lonely when dealing with it. My family doesn't understand why I can't make a stupid phone call without freaking out. I wish I could face my fears but the emotional feelings are truly crippling. Even writing this I'm feeling like I can't breathe and it's making me want to cry my eyes out. I truly want this pain to end.