Mild Social Anxiety/Awkwardness?

I have always been socially awkward throughout my life but I thought nothing much of it. During elementary school I would just kinda hang alone by myself and sometimes with the two friends I had. During middle school I made two more friends through one of my friends. I have only had those four friends since and I am in high school now.I find it hard to talk to people who are not my friends because I dont know what to say past "hi" and "whats up". I also feel that I may say something wrong(mostly in front of girl) and feel weird about just randomly going up to somebody and saying high because I dont want them to say "why are you talking to us". I also get anxious when having meetings with my guidence counselor and often make poor eye contact. When Im with my friends I often get bored of the conversation and just sit there saying nothing. Because of this behavior people think I have Autism or somthing which I dont think I do. I have not had a girlfriend yet because of this. What do you guys think I should do?

Hi -

Sorry to hear about this social awkwardness. I can definitely relate to not knowing what to say during conversations or not knowing what to say to even start one. When it concerns not knowing how to start one, like you said, not knowing what to say after 'whats up' - Perhaps you should think of some topic that you are approaching them about, that you can say after the initial greeting. If they are in one of your classes, maybe ask them about the homework, the teacher, the subject that was talked about in class. Those are just examples (and perhaps boring ones, I admit), but I only mean that maybe going into the conversation with a starter topic would be helpful. That way you have something to say after 'whats up'. And then, perhaps the conversation would morph into something else.

Being able to hold a conversation can really seem like an "art" at times, something that we need to practice to get good at and comfortable with. I don't think that social skills are inherent in us - if we failed to develop them throughout all of our school years, then it might take some time and practice for us to get better at it. People who didn't have social awkwardness in their lives/early school years, they had more natural practice and thus, they are natural at it.

Sorry if my advice is kinda limited - like I said, I have the same type of trouble.

- EGD.

When I was really young(4 or 5) I was misdiagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome because I was so socially awkward(and some other things). Then the diagnosis changed to ADHD even though I still had social problems. I was then placed in speech and occupational therapy from about first to second grade. Then from third through seventh grade I attended social lunch groups to improve my social skills. All the therapy back then has seemed to make a difference in my life but I am still socially awkward/anxious and fear I will never get a girlfriend. Only about 4 years ago did I stop interupting conversations and only about a year ago did I start to make eye contact in front of authority figures(I still sometimes don't). Eye contact is not a problem that I have with my friends.

I know exactly what you mean. i often just have nothing to say and then you start feeling weird and then it gets even more difficult to not say something very stupid. I've found the best thing to do is ask a question. "Normal" people just like to talk about them selves than i do (and probably you too). what exactly to ask depends on context but if they are friends of your friends just ask from where they know each other. IMHO this situation is pretty common.
After that you have the other party talking and go on from there. Comment on something they say or ask a follow up question.

I know sounds so easy but I myself have a lot of problems with this even thought it would actually be very simple.

Another thing is most people are also too self-absorbed with their own problems. Yes, they might think you are weird, but seriously, don' you think that of some people too? Do you judge them very badly because of this? Do you actually care that they are weird? Not really. Just assume other people are as tolerant as you are. People that are not normal but self confident in not being so are the most interesting ones. Think about that.