Feeling a desperate need to love and be loved?

Although I've been working on (successfully) conquering some of my social anxiety, I've recently developed an irrational fear of being unloved and rejected by society. I have significant diffculty starting and maintaining conversations, mainly because I am usually so paralyzed by the fear of somehow doing or saying the wrong thing, and have hopelessly low self-esteem and confidence issues.

The fear of being and seeming socially awkward has recently worsened, to the extent of causing me to worry if my "weirdness" will eventually push my mother away and cause her to stop loving me. I was being quiet on a particular afternoon during a car ride with my mom, and was suddenly plagued by the thought of somehow becoming "awkward" around my mother as well and, thus, completely losing my relationship with her.

This fear has persisited for about a week or so now, and seems to periodically mellow down and subside, only to somehow return and cement itself in my mind again. My mother has been trying to be patient and understanding, but feels extremely overwhelmed by my depressive state, claiming that my constantly feeling down is affecting her own moods and sense of happiness.

I've been trying to slowly overcome this anxiety and be optimistic for her sake, but just can't seem to conquer this phobia despite my every attempt. The image of people giving me awkward stares at my school's hallways and that sick feeling I get when remembering the harsh commentary from my classmates ("your friend gives me weird vibes..."; "Do you have a disorder?"; "Not to be rude, but are you autistic?"; "You know, before I really got to know you, I thought you were a special eds student...") just keeps on polluting my mind, and I honestly don't feel I can go on like this much longer.

I am sick of my social phobia; I'm tired of experiencing so much anxiety all the time, and feel it's becoming detrimental to my mental health. I feel like a bore and a nuissance to everyone. I can hardly even think straight anymore, and am staring to feel almost dissociated from reality. I feel as if I desperately need to love and be loved, irrational as it sounds, and the thought of losing my mother's love, companionship, and support kills me inside.

She seems like the only person whose ever truly cared about and given me the time of day, and right now, I desperately just want to go back to the cheerful, active person I once was.

Please, give me an honest, helpful solution or at least some sort of an answer to this problem . Try to read and respond to this, at least.

Hi there -

I'm sorry to hear about the social phobia and the developing fear about even becoming awkward and distant from your mother. It sounds as though you are really struggling with this. I have to ask though, are you seeing a therapist? If not, do you think you'd be able to get one?

Sounds as though the people you encountered in school really contributed to your phobia? I suffer from social phobia as well and it was the worst during and directly after school, it was really traumatizing and it doesn't help that the students were so misunderstanding and cruel. Sounds like they were to you as well. I wish I could give you some advice on how to stop those memories but unfortunately I just don't have the cure for it. For me, it got better with time, forcing the thoughts out of my head, realizing that they were just jerks and that their comments don't define who I am, they simply misunderstood.

I also really long to be loved, so I understand that... Some people say we need to learn to love ourselves first before we will be able to notice the love that others provide for us. But about your mother - you will not lose her love, just make sure to confide in her. Let her know your worries.

Keep talking about it here if you need to. We'll listen and try to support you any way we can.

- EGD.