Hi, I'm 19 years old and English is not my first language so If you don't understand something please feel free to ask me. My story is similar to a lot people in this forum, and I'll love to talk about it here but I'll let that for another time. Today I have to comeback to college after a week of hiatus, I've a test today but that doesn't bother too much right now, what makes me so nervous is to see people I know... especially a guy, that the week before this last one, I said him that I liked him and he kissed me and sh*t, that day it didn't feel right I wasn't happy... actually I didn't feel anything, then the day after that I'd have a panic attack which last about 2 days long and literally when I saw him again I knew I have to stop whatever was happening because it was driving me crazy, so I told him when my class finished I wasn't ready to have a relationship with anyone because of my anxiety, I told him before I was an really anxious person (I didn't say much about it because to be honest I just can talk about this with my mom and my best friend who also suffers from anxiety without feeling uncomfortable, and tumblr doesn't count) and he was very comprehensive thank god (even tho he throw me some neurotypical stuff like "when I was in high school I went through some sh*t and I understand blah blah blah, I mean he tried at least right?), but I'm still dealing with the feel of guilt I feel like I played with his life or something.
My psychiatrist told me I did the right thing because it'd been worse If he'd started to feel things for me when I wasn't ready and to be honest I really didn't like him in that way, I just felt comfortable with him which is a rare thing for me to feel with anyone except for my two best friends and my family. My question here is: Does this ever happened to you? Did you misunderstood your feeling for someone?
Oh, and since I started college like almost 2 years ago, my phone give me a lot of anxiety, mostly because of this chat apps, I hate them so much. I know is weird because people with social anxiety usually hate phone calls and prefer texting, I don't love phone calls but I rather do a call than texting. And today I know that will be a problem because I think I have group project/thing for a class and I wasn't able to turn on my phone for the whole week I was too scared, so probably they are gonna be mad at me, I can't make excuses for this one, I used to say my phone was broken or something like that but I know people are not stupid. Jeez.
Also, I'm afraid I don't just have anxiety and you know, anxiety attacks in general. I'd skip classes in the past because I didn't feel like going and when I'd more energy, way back, I stared projects out of nowhere without never finish them, I don't know If I have mood swings tho... I guess it doesn't count if I'm dissociating, but there's day when I'm anxious and sad and when something good, as small as it can be, happens I suddenly feel happy? I always feel like people doesn't entirely like me even when is about my closer friends and I always fear that I'm gonna go insane. I don't fit in a lot of BDP symptoms tho, so I think it may be other consequences of the anxiety but it scares me that I might have something else.