I think it can be bad, because like with you it has made you fantasize about black men and lose interest in your husband. It has 'awakened a sleeping dragon'. and put ideas in your head you don't want to have.
It has been very bad. For both myself and my husband.
I never would have expected this from him naturally. But these websites seem to have put many thoughts in his head. The disturbing trend in these videos on my husbands computer is the latent homosexuality. I am now wondering if my husband is gay or bisexual.
One particular site he views has very large black men sexing little white women, and they are forcing their white husbands to watch. Sometimes there are 3 to 5 black men. The white women compares her husbands penis to that of the much larger black mens and laughs at her husband. The black men then ravage the white woman in front of her husband and make fun of him. The white woman will often perform oral sex on the black mens large penis and then kiss her husband right afterwards. The black men then ejaculate on the white womans vagina and the white man is forced to lick it off her.
Why would my husband look at this for any other reason than having homosexual feelings? There is no doubt in my mind that he has fantasized about me doing this to him with black men, as the girls in the videos all resemble myself.
IMO if you both acted on your fantisies it would cause big problems.
I agree and I am trying to fight the feelings they give me. Most times I get a tingle down there and just can't help myself. I know if I ever acted on these fantasies in real life it would ruin our marriage. It is just fantasy, but a very harmful one.
Would it be possible to talk to your husband about it, is that a good idea? Might help to clear the air.
I dont want my husband to know I've found out and that it turns me on. If he knew he would surely want to act it out in real life and it would push the envelope even further. I am afraid what might happen to our sex life after that.
The best thing would be for you to just stop looking at the images, but thats easier said than done.
Easier said than done. Ive tried so hard to stop looking, but I always go back.
It makes me so excited. I get a rush of adrenaline through my body. It's almost like a drug I can't resist. My clit begins throbbing and I can't stop touching myself. The orgasm I get is enough reward to keep me viewing the images. I'm so turned on by these images that I wonder if anything else could ever turn me on so much. I can't recall anything ever making me feel like I've lost control like this before.
I have lost interest in my husband. When I see a black man in public, I subconsciously stare at his crotch area and wonder what his penis is like. There is one black man I see at the gym who has began flirting with me. I wonder if I accidentally sent him signals to come talk to me. Sometimes I see him staring at my body and I get wet thinking what intercourse with him would be like. 99% of me says it's wrong and I shouldnt be thinking these thoughts, but the other 1% takes over and I give in to the desire. If he were to pursue me I don't know if I could say no.
One day I saw an interracial couple playing volleyball at the beach. It was a petite blond with a muscular black man. It immediately reminded me of the pornographic videos I've seen online. I thought about them having sex and actually felt a burning jealousy. At that moment there was nothing I wanted more than to experience it myself. I thought to myself "lucky girl" and then wanted to smack myself in the head for thinking such a thing.
What's even more disturbing is how racist and degrading many of the films are towards white people. It makes me feel ashamed and guilty afterward. How can I get rid of this craving?!??!