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Confused White Woman

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Confused White Woman

Postby DenAm » Mon Jan 30, 2012 9:12 pm

Hello

I am a married white female in my early 30's. I have blond hair and am what most men would consider to be good looking. My husband and I have been married for 6 years. I recently discovered he has been looking at Interracial Pornography on the internet. Almost exclusively black men having sex with white women. There seems to be an underlying theme of White Wives cheating on their husbands with well endowed black men, sometimes with the white husbands being forced to watch.

This was a very disturbing discovery for me. I was appalled and surprised that my husband has so much of this stuff on his computer and in his internet history. What's even worse is he looks at "cuckold" porn and many of the women in these videos have the same look that I do. Thin, white women with with blond hair and blue eyes. If you do not know what interracial cuckold is, it's pornography where a white man watches his wife wife have sex with a black man. The black man always has a much larger penis and the white man is verbally and physically humiliated by his wife and the black man. Why does my husband look at this stuff? Is it possible that he is thinking of me while he watches it? Why would he fantasize and masturbate to thoughts of me with black men?


As I found this pornography on my husbands computer, I began looking at it more and more. My husband doesn't know that I know about his fetish. It began is detective work to find out what turns him on and what he spends his time looking at.

I was raised in a racist family in the south and was taught to stay away from black men. I have never been with a black man. And now here is the even bigger problem.


It's beginning to turn ME on as well. When I was looking at my husbands computer there was one picture of a blond girl that looks a lot like I do, with a very large black man. I was shocked and excited at the size of his penis. I hate to admit it because it makes me feel so ashamed, but I masturbated that night while viewing the picture. I didn't want to, but I was so turned on that I felt like I couldn't stop myself. I felt dirty afterward but it was just the beginning of my addiction.

Now I've began viewing these interracial picture of black men with with women on my own computer. These fantasies are dominating my sex life, and I've lost interest in having sex with my husband. Just the sight of a black mans penis seems to get me going and I can't stop thinking about it. One re-occurring fantasy I have been having is being "taken" by a group of 5 large black men. When I go out in public and see a black man walking by, I think about him sexually even if my husband is by my side.

This is an intrusive fantasy that has been affecting my marriage and sex life. I would like to know what I can do to stop it, and get my husband to stop looking at it as well.
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Re: Confused White Woman

Postby Greatexpectations » Tue Jan 31, 2012 9:32 pm

The internet has a lot to answer. Like many things it can be used for good or bad. Porn is one one of the bad things in as much that it is very easy for anyone to access (too easy) Including children.
Gambling is another thing that has become too easy to access on line.
I think porn for some can be addictive, and give them thoughts and ideas they would not have thought of otherwise.
I know its been around for along time I know, but usually in softer form and you had to put yourself out to get it, like walk to the shop.
I think it can be bad, because like with you it has made you fantasize about black men and lose interest in your husband. It has 'awakened a sleeping dragon'. and put ideas in your head you don't want to have.
IMO if you both acted on your fantisies it would cause big problems. Its a shame you found this porn really, assuming your marriage was fine before you found it its just causing you trouble.
Would it be possible to talk to your husband about it, is that a good idea? Might help to clear the air.
The best thing would be for you to just stop looking at the images, but thats easier said than done.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
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Re: Confused White Woman

Postby DenAm » Wed Feb 01, 2012 1:02 am

I think it can be bad, because like with you it has made you fantasize about black men and lose interest in your husband. It has 'awakened a sleeping dragon'. and put ideas in your head you don't want to have.


It has been very bad. For both myself and my husband.

I never would have expected this from him naturally. But these websites seem to have put many thoughts in his head. The disturbing trend in these videos on my husbands computer is the latent homosexuality. I am now wondering if my husband is gay or bisexual.

One particular site he views has very large black men sexing little white women, and they are forcing their white husbands to watch. Sometimes there are 3 to 5 black men. The white women compares her husbands penis to that of the much larger black mens and laughs at her husband. The black men then ravage the white woman in front of her husband and make fun of him. The white woman will often perform oral sex on the black mens large penis and then kiss her husband right afterwards. The black men then ejaculate on the white womans vagina and the white man is forced to lick it off her.

Why would my husband look at this for any other reason than having homosexual feelings? There is no doubt in my mind that he has fantasized about me doing this to him with black men, as the girls in the videos all resemble myself.



IMO if you both acted on your fantisies it would cause big problems.

I agree and I am trying to fight the feelings they give me. Most times I get a tingle down there and just can't help myself. I know if I ever acted on these fantasies in real life it would ruin our marriage. It is just fantasy, but a very harmful one.

Would it be possible to talk to your husband about it, is that a good idea? Might help to clear the air.


I dont want my husband to know I've found out and that it turns me on. If he knew he would surely want to act it out in real life and it would push the envelope even further. I am afraid what might happen to our sex life after that.

The best thing would be for you to just stop looking at the images, but thats easier said than done.


Easier said than done. Ive tried so hard to stop looking, but I always go back.

It makes me so excited. I get a rush of adrenaline through my body. It's almost like a drug I can't resist. My clit begins throbbing and I can't stop touching myself. The orgasm I get is enough reward to keep me viewing the images. I'm so turned on by these images that I wonder if anything else could ever turn me on so much. I can't recall anything ever making me feel like I've lost control like this before.

I have lost interest in my husband. When I see a black man in public, I subconsciously stare at his crotch area and wonder what his penis is like. There is one black man I see at the gym who has began flirting with me. I wonder if I accidentally sent him signals to come talk to me. Sometimes I see him staring at my body and I get wet thinking what intercourse with him would be like. 99% of me says it's wrong and I shouldnt be thinking these thoughts, but the other 1% takes over and I give in to the desire. If he were to pursue me I don't know if I could say no.

One day I saw an interracial couple playing volleyball at the beach. It was a petite blond with a muscular black man. It immediately reminded me of the pornographic videos I've seen online. I thought about them having sex and actually felt a burning jealousy. At that moment there was nothing I wanted more than to experience it myself. I thought to myself "lucky girl" and then wanted to smack myself in the head for thinking such a thing.

What's even more disturbing is how racist and degrading many of the films are towards white people. It makes me feel ashamed and guilty afterward. How can I get rid of this craving?!??!
Last edited by DenAm on Wed Feb 01, 2012 1:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Confused White Woman

Postby DenAm » Wed Feb 01, 2012 1:20 am

Another point I should bring up is my husband is racist. He openly tells me he hates black people. He calls them "#######3" and makes jokes about them. Meanwhile he secretly masturbates to photos of big black men having sex with white women. I don't understand it.

I was also raised in a racist family and taught to stay away from blacks. I have never been attracted to black men before, but now it's become an unstoppable craving that I feel like I need to satisfy. I look at photos of their large penises and wonder how one of them would feel inside of me. I look at these black penises and I'm always in total shock at how huge they are. It really really excites me. It makes me feel dirty and naughty, but it's turns me on beyond belief. Mentally I know it's wrong, but physically my body tells me it's right. My mouth waters and my clit throbs. The black men are just SOOOO big. The thrill I get from looking at their penis is probably similar to who men feel when viewing large breasts. I never get these feelings when looking at a white penis though.


This especially causes me great shame and guilt for my new found addiction.
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Re: Confused White Woman

Postby DenAm » Wed Feb 01, 2012 2:02 am

The thing that makes me feel soooo sexually frustrated is watching the pleasure on the white womens faces. I compare the sex they are having with black men to my own sex life with my husband and I feel jealous. These women are having their desires fulfilled while my husband would rather masturbate to these videos than have sex with me. I see them having vaginal orgasms (something I've never had) with black men. I see them creaming on the black mans large penis. My husband is only average or slightly below average and merely pokes in and out of me. I feel like these women are having all the fun while I am missing out on something. My husband does not turn me on anymore and I actually feel resentment towards him. :evil:

It makes me so upset that this has affected our relationship and sex life.
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Re: Confused White Woman

Postby bigdex28 » Thu Apr 12, 2012 3:02 pm

You should google "how to cuckold your husband"
or
Check it out on YouTube.

You need to get your husband to put your pleasure above his own. It can take months or even years to successfully cuck your man

Good luck
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Re: Confused White Woman

Postby xyzebra » Sun May 20, 2012 5:48 pm

i'm a white man and married for 2 years. i'm in my mid-thirty and good looking and have a rather decent job. not surprisingly i have also have a nice looking and intellectual wife. i can tell you what i think about your husband's internet history and computer storage full of cuckold stuffs. one reason is that he secretly hope you would find out and then talked to him about it so that he may act it out somehow. i know this because it also gives me unsurpassed pleasure when i masturbated to pictures and videos with themes on interracial cuckold, especially fine looking white woman resemble my wife, getting ravishished by big black cock. i also stored many tags in history in disguised terms, and i hope somehow my beautiful wife would find out my dirty thoughts of her. i often fantasize my wife being tied up with her hands high up in the airway, wearing nothing but high heels, standing and wiggling in the middle of our living room while played and penetrated by strong service black man in our building. i have fantasies of these not only when i was with her, but also at work and during the time to and back from work. the thoughts are recurrent and nonstop. its like addiction. i don't know if my wife share the same thoughts as yours but i'm sure these days women often talked about having sex with black men and how good it is and should be. so i think she must have those dirty thoughts as she sometimes is quite wild in bed, telling me to tie her up and blindfold her, and mumbling in words like, "i love sucking thickest and hardest cock, and f**k my tight hole with your big cock! i'm coming..!!" i didn't tell her, but my dick (avg size) become really hard and came in just couple more strokes after hearing her really slutty words. we tried to talked a bit on her being taken by bad guys but we didn't voice out big black guy as yet. it was nice reading your post because knowing the sexual reaction of yours to black cock made me believe that's probably how my wife is thinking, and i cannot help but masturbated.
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Re: Confused White Woman

Postby Little Boy Lost » Sun May 20, 2012 8:43 pm

the fixation on blacks is weird. why do you care about race?

i wonder if blacks have this fetish but with white men who insult them with racial slurs.
“It is not to be thought that the life of darkness is sunk in misery and lost as if in sorrowing. There is no sorrowing. For sorrow is a thing that is swallowed up in death, and death and dying are the very life of the darkness.”
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Re: Confused White Woman

Postby guyver280z » Tue May 22, 2012 4:56 pm

Well, do you care about the color or the size?? There's also white men with very large tools, maybe if you start watching that kind of porn instead of interracial that might help.

On the other hand I think you and your husband should be having MORE sex between you instead of be watching porn... I mean you guy can hit the sack every night, why are you watching porn?? Now, if your sexual life is not really exciting try spicing it up, get some toys, do some roleplay (sexy maid, sexy nurse, etc) You have to get your husband's attention so he stops watching porn and have sex with you instead.

Yeah the thought of "becoming a dirty slut" seems to be normal in a lot of women, I really don't understand why so many women get aroused by it, but I think that if you can get your mind away from that by replacing those thoughts with good loving marriage sex then you would be ok.

Good luck :)
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Re: Confused White Woman

Postby xyzebra » Fri Jun 01, 2012 11:49 am

i don't know who started this fantasy first. is it the white woman who first have the naughty thought of having uncouth big black man forcibily using his large member to pump her into orgasm, or the white man who wanted to see how his beautiful love-of-life coerced into eternal devlish pleasure that he cannot give? or maybe it started out with shakespears's othello (the wisdom of which had allowed he envisioned the fate of white couples.. or he had personally known/witnessed such an incidence and wrote that up as a fable)? either way, it started as a white people thing, but i see other race catching up this trend, and served me also many guilty pleasure nights watching japanese porn (black on japanese wife) when my wife is not around. i especially enjoy this theme of being forced to see my innocent prim and proper wife being introduced to this dark pleasure. the other day i read a porn fiction also black on white, but this time a little further. a white couple travelled to africa and left the planned route. they were captured by local african tribe and the beautiful wife was asked to do catwalk as lingerie model on a stage. as she walked back in forth in different underwear, she saw the black men's big cocked hardened and pointed at her near naked body. she felt her p**sy tingled and her underwear wet, and she started to imagined those black cocks raid her body. then, husband was forced to watch his sexy white wife being f**ked by twenty to thirty black tribesmen one by one.. screamed out loud pain then immense pleasure with the black men came in her p**sy. he then came uncontrollably although he was not allowed to touch his penis..
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