I'm sorry to hear about your emotional pain regarding this incident. I have a few thoughts on it.
First, it doesn't matter what we're talking about guilt only has a purpose insofar as it can get you to change your behavior (hopefully for the better). You've decided that wasn't a good thing to do and now you don't do it. Good job! Guilt did its thing, now you're done with it. Let it go. There is absolutely nothing more you can get from it.
Second, I do think it seems worse in your head than it really was objectively. Was the cat physically hurt in the process? It didn't sound like it. What it sounded like is that neither one of you really understood what was happening. I doubt the animal was hurt or traumatized. Again even if it was, that's not a good thing, but at this point all you can do is let it go and move on with your life.
Third, it might help you get past it and let go of the guilt if you sort of ritualize a response to create balance. Like when some people break up with their significant others and throw away/burn pictures. It's just a way of saying, "I'm done with that, and it's out of my life now, and I have X action I can look back on to make it tangible." In your case I would suggest something like donating a sum of money that you feel is fair to an animal shelter. Or maybe adopting a homeless kitty and giving it a good family. Any tangible act that you can perform to say to yourself, "this is restitution and now I have closure." Then whenever you think back on it going forward stop yourself and say, "No, I performed XYZ and now I'm done with that."
girl24651 wrote:First of all, was rubbing it agains my groin considered sex? I am sooooo terrified that it was. At the time I didn't think that's what I was doing! I think I was just tring to masturbate. Both therapists have told me that no, it was not sex, or bestiality.
"Sex" is kind of a meaningless term to begin with. It's incredibly
subjective. There's no black and white here whatsoever. It's not like doing Y isn't sex and doing X is sex. Some people will say Y and X are both sex and some people will say neither of them are sex...and it doesn't really matter to begin with. An activity is just an activity and how we classify it doesn't change the essential nature of it. Basically "a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet." Calling it a rose or not calling it a rose doesn't change what it is. Same here, we can call it sex or we can not call it sex, but either way it simply is what it is, no better and no worse for being called something else.
Anyway, just a few thoughts. Take care and feel better.