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Porn and sexuality

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Porn and sexuality

Postby sumone » Mon May 16, 2011 9:12 pm

Okay, so I'm pretty confused about my sexuality, but I'm getting closer. Sorry to put another story like this up but I'm hoping some one might be patient enough to read a thread like this and weigh in with their two cents.

I've never been aroused by heterosexual pornography, I've experimented with it, but never felt like it was something worth going back for. I've been into homosexual porn since I could masturbate. When I realized I might be homosexual, I feel like I shut down. I told myself I would never act upon those feelings, I hid everything from everyone. I distanced myself. I tried hard in school, and did pretty well, but socially, I've limited myself to very few friends. I think I'm gay, and I'm made plans to come out of the closet when I return home from school. But since I've accepted this, I've noticed something about the female form and certain female friends. It was a phantom attraction at first, like I wanted to be aroused, but wasn't outright erect, and now it's a heavy feeling in my chest when I suddenly see naked girls. I've had problems with keeping friends throughout school, I always drifted away from people after a while. And I suspect that I'm afraid of being rejected. I also suspect, or fear, that this fear of rejection might be the cause of my homosexuality, since I've only determined that I'm homosexual based on pornography and the absence of attraction for girls. Nothing has ever been physical, I think I might have had a crush on a teacher once, but I've never had a crush on boys my age, so it's all pretty easy to doubt. If I come out, I might overcome my fear of rejection, and thereby become straight. At the same time, this could all be denial. I think I am gay, it's kind of hard to accept even though I look at gay porn and am aroused by thinking about being with men, but does this sound like anything familiar to anyone? What do you anonymous people out in cyber world think about my situation?

I don't know how I feel about girls. I used to say to myself that I would like them if I could. Does that sound like appeasement or a straight man afraid of being rejected? I don't know if I'm capable of romance. I've distanced myself from a lot of people for a long time. I'm fairly alone. I have friends that I like and respect, but I feel like a ghost sometimes. I actually wonder why anyone would want to be my friend. I don't know what I would could offer to anyone. I don't know my strengths.
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Re: Porn and sexuality

Postby jasmin » Sat May 21, 2011 6:34 pm

Hi, sumone! I think you could admit to everyone that you feel attracted to guys or that you might be bisexual. Maybe people would appreciate the fact that you're honest and not too scared to be yourself, that can be attractive in a friend and in a partner. It could be that you're both attracted to men (too) and scared of being rejected. It's ok to explore who you are and you don't have to belong to a certain category.
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Re: Porn and sexuality

Postby sumone » Thu Jun 02, 2011 8:02 pm

thanks, this is a really confusing time in my life. i'm trying to understand myself, and i think you're right. i don't need a category for myself. i just find it hard to come out of the closet without using one of these labels. if i say that i'm attracted to guys then people respond, "oh, you're gay" which is fine, but it doesn't include everything. and even though i don't see myself wanting girls, and when i dream about sex i'm with a guy, i'm going to use the term bi for now because i feel like that's the only way i can describe the confusion i have for girls and the attraction i feel for boys. thanks for your help!
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Re: Porn and sexuality

Postby jasmin » Fri Jun 03, 2011 12:33 pm

It sounds good, sumone! You can take time to figure yourself out, there really is no rush :)
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Re: Porn and sexuality

Postby encephalo » Sat Jun 04, 2011 7:05 pm

Being in the process of discovering one's sexuality is, at best, mildly confusing. I remember when I was first pondering over labels myself, wondering what would happen if I came out as just homosexual or bisexual, the latter conjuring up more positive responses in my mind. The fact I found out later down the road, even after coming out, is that it's important to dislocate yourself from these labels to better discover your sexuality for what it is.

When it comes to using labels, I don't believe that everyone is 100% homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual. Some may be, but it's more likely to me that people have something like, say, a 40% homosexual preference and a 60% heterosexual preference, or any other combination of sexualities in this percentage form. It's important to always remember to not corner yourself or box yourself up as being homosexual and that be the end of it. Life is a very changing experience, and sexuality is a part of it that can also change form as it is discovered, especially when one is first experiencing these kinds of sexual feelings.

When I first came out, I similarly labeled myself as bi because I wasn't sure if I was completely attracted to men. As a year or so passed, I grew more comfortable in saying I was more so homosexual than bisexual, and even now, I dare say my sexuality is about 99% homosexual and 1% heterosexual. Does this mean I should label myself as bisexual? No, not necessarily. To me, bisexuality would have to be more towards a 50/50 range, such as being about 45% homosexual and 55% heterosexual, or something like that. My ranges just mean that I am predominantly homosexual with the highly rare, and actually pretty random, sexual attraction to women, usually exclusive to a very similar looking kind of woman.

Hope all is well, and best of luck in discovering yourself! It's a lifelong experience, so be ready for some surprises! ;)

And I agree with what jasmin posted: "there really is no rush." Truth stated! The more time you take in figuring yourself out, the more accurate your discoveries will be. Being hasty about these kinds of situations causes more stress, which will generally be less likely to help than calmness in your approach to your own sexuality.
I have the right to be playful and frivolous. :)
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