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Male sexuality: Cuck or Bull

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Male sexuality: Cuck or Bull

Postby MrBlues » Thu Mar 12, 2009 10:21 am

The simple question is. Is it easy to re-wire oneself and go from being a guy who thrives feeding of the rampant sexuality of his partner (cuckish) to one who becomes an original and innovative sexual stud (Bull)

It seems that I am at my best sexually when I am with a partner whose libido is coming full on at me me much like Delilah to Samson and with bedroom skills to match. No matter what day you have had in the office or what headache you have got, if there is a drop of blood in your body these girls know just what to do do to get it into your erection. I found one such girl's sexual advances absolutely undeniable.

Conversely the worst sex has been with those girls who are apt to lye there and say take me! do anything you want with me! I am virtually impotent in that scenario and performance anxiety is a big part of it. I also don't think it comes naturally to me to want to physically dominate someone - I was always the gentle giant who could shrug off the bullies. Also if put on the spot I probably wouldn't really know what I wanted to do.

The reason I give so much detail is that my wife and I are starting to rediscover sex after an intensive phase of child bearing and it seems we have habituated to a few sexual positions that do the job quickly without much concious effort from either of us. I am beginning to suspect that we both err to the passive side and both long for an imaginative, innovative and original sex-life. Given that the children are keeping my wife worn down I wondered if it should be me who takes up the slack and switches to a more Bullish role, if possible
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Postby FrayedEndOfSanity » Sat Mar 14, 2009 7:27 am

Hey MrBlues,

*MATURE CONTENT*

You seem like a very considerate lover, and somewhat of a perfectionist. You want to do the best for your wife. It's natural to be wanted, and when it happens simultaneously with both partners, you feed off each other, and a sweet upward spiral occurs. This is an awesome feeling. Sounds like you're used to your partner giving the initial spark. The simplest, and possibly the greatest thing to do to create that spark...is to genuinely enjoy her. If you're hung up on performance, you risk subconsciously transferring that feeling to her. On the other hand, if you are truly enjoying your intimate time with her, she will feel that you are turned on by her, and will respond in kind.

Taking the initiative, or being on top doesn't necessarily mean you are being physically dominating. A soft, lingering kiss on her neck while you're both going through your day can let her know that you are interested for something special later on.

I personally feel that the missionary position is severely under-rated. It gives you the opportunity of a lot of intimacy. Think of it as protecting her, shielding her with your body from whatever she had to deal with that day. You can still be "bullish" and strong, but in a very positive way.

If she's laying back, it's an ideal time for you to kiss her, touch her and rediscover her body. Foreplay is a wonderful thing that can help you reconnect as a couple. Sometimes, giving her a full-body massage with a relaxing-scented lotion can take your mind off of performance anxiety, while giving her a soothing treat. Take her to Bath & Body Works and see if there is a scent that she particularly likes. Once you are comfortable, you can move to more adventurous things. A game of Twister goes very well with lotion, and it can certainly spark some interesting new positions! I'm pretty sure you can machine-wash it on the delicate cycle. :) Just don't slip off the bed. Caution: may cause injury.

Once again, enjoy her. Think how hot she makes you. Fantasize about her until you HAVE to have her. You don't have to drag her to the bedroom by her hair. But gently guiding her there, and laying her back while you're shaking with anticipation can definitely improve what follows.

And, come to think of it, a gentle tug under the right circumstances can be quite sexy - like when you want her lips somewhere, bury your fingers in her hair and CAREFULLY move her head. If you do this, you're not being an asshole, you're just playing with control. After all, it's about you, too, and she will most likely appreciate it if you showed her exactly where you like to be touched.

Good luck & have fun!!!

Oh, yeah, obligatory DISCLAIMER: make sure you're both healthy enough for sexual activity, don't attempt anything potentially life-threatening, and don't do it on your boss' desk.
Do not take my advice before talking to your doctor/counselor/other professional. Depending on where you live, you may be able to find free, confidential care. Most importantly, sometimes your shrink can be wrong. Get a second opinion.
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Re: Male sexuality: Cuck or Bull

Postby Ravine » Sat Mar 14, 2009 3:03 pm

Hi mrblues,

I think it is not so easy to re-wire oneself for sexuality. You know sexual demands become undeniable only when one is really sex-starved. It is just worthless. Undoutedly, when one becomes sex starved, he/she will try to turn on their partners or other persons if they get chance.

You are thinking in this way: She is going to give me better sex and you are unable to satisy her. That's the problem caused for your impotence. If you are feeling that you are habituated in few positions and can't enjoy sex, then change it and apply some new positions according doctors or specialities. You both have try to co-operate each other.

Thanks...
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Thanks Guys

Postby MrBlues » Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:21 am

There is much stuff here and it will take a while to unpack and assimilate it all.

One of the main positives of the current situation is that my wife and I are talking about sex far more intimately that we have ever before. One of our problems has been that we have held back from each other and only talked in quite sanitized terms before.

The perfectionst line is odd as in most walks of life I've quite a laissez faire attitude, eg gardening keeping the car clean, my own appearance.

I do think anxiety and apprehension are important problems. You name it public speaking, interviews, sex and the anxiety can be devastating and run away to a self fulfilling failure.

I like the idea of fantacizing all day about the sex to come as a way of relighting the fire. However, I fear that I need help getting the balance between being really tanked with expectations of sex and finding that I can't handle the physiological side effects.
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Re: Thanks Guys

Postby Ravine » Sun Mar 15, 2009 3:18 pm

HI mrblues

Yes, you are right, there are lots of stuff here. You can revive your sex,i don't understand why are you afraid of physical side effects? Have you other problem in sex? Just like satisfaction. Because when someone doesn't find any satisfaction in sex, then there is chance of physiological side effects.
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Postby MrBlues » Sun Mar 15, 2009 4:04 pm

The physiological side effect is bad Erectile Dysfunction. An issue that dogged my earlier sex life. Due to ignorance I never really dealt with it. I wish I had.

ED has been a real dog in my life. It has been an issue with the first with every girlfriend, bar the sluttiest, and my first invite to a MMF. I can be hard for hours in the build up as the sexual expectation mounts, but at the point of delivery the ED kicks in usually when moving on from foreplay to the real thing!!! I can be hard for ages during long foreplay sessions, but the moment of moving on to penetrative sex it collapses.

I've just been reading up on social anxiety and how the adrenaline rush can turn into avoidance behaviours rather than oscar winning ones due to disproportionate fears of embarassment, humiliation and failure.

I could do a lot of good by getting on top of these issues in my life.

Sex at home is going a hell of a lot better now that we are both talking or better still communicating and both realised that we were similarly suffering poor sex. But, it did take my wife to initiate a new position - her on top to regain some orginality. We are getting back to mutually orgasmic sex 2-3 times a week from once every 3 months. Some way to go before we can get back to regular lengthy polyorgasmic sessions!

I think my wife and I are highly sexual and we both frequently masturbate, especially when life is too demanding. Probably, because at times like that the chances of catching the other in the mood for a quickie and having sufficient privacy from the kids are very much reduced.
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Postby MrBlues » Thu Mar 19, 2009 11:13 am

FrayedEndOfSanity wrote:I personally feel that the missionary position is severely under-rated. It gives you the opportunity of a lot of intimacy. Think of it as protecting her, shielding her with your body from whatever she had to deal with that day. You can still be "bullish" and strong, but in a very positive way.


The missionary is down there with some of my worst positions. Even worse now that I've got a middle age tummy. I've never felt able to get convincing penetration or a decent rhythm. One experienced g/f said I didn't have the hip action for it. Partly it is ignorance I only found out that the closer to her ears her feet the better the penetration. Most g/fs would present themselvs near horizontal and I was no wiser and if I was I never had the presense to change their posture. I terms of passivity I must be at the top I've never initiated a sexual position only ever made use of the one I've been presented with. I need to know how to DOM her once in a while rather than just SUB
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Postby MrBlues » Thu Mar 19, 2009 11:31 am

FrayedEndOfSanity wrote:
You seem like a very considerate lover, and somewhat of a perfectionist. You want to do the best for your wife. It's natural to be wanted, and when it happens simultaneously with both partners, you feed off each other, and a sweet upward spiral occurs. This is an awesome feeling. Sounds like you're used to your partner giving the initial spark. The simplest, and possibly the greatest thing to do to create that spark...is to genuinely enjoy her. If you're hung up on performance, you risk subconsciously transferring that feeling to her. On the other hand, if you are truly enjoying your intimate time with her, she will feel that you are turned on by her, and will respond in kind.


I like this idea of the sweet upward spiral. I am currently mssing sex, which has strengthed past assocaitions that wanton women = good sex and prudes = bad sex. I am now seeing it as naive to think that if wife got out and cheated some (becoming by default wanton) we would respark our sex lives. Hence the cuckold line of thinking. What I am now seeing is that what really appealed in the past about wanton women was actually their unashamed and uninhibited sexuality and pro-active persuit of their sexual fulfilment. Now i think as a couple if we create the conditions where free from the fear of disapproval we can each reach for max fulfillment of our sexuality and indulge each others deepest sexual fantasies then I think marriage will be sexually liberating in a way where it had seen inhibiting.
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Postby ALLENKEY » Thu Apr 09, 2009 8:07 pm

MrBlues wrote:
I've just been reading up on social anxiety and how the adrenaline rush can turn into avoidance behaviours

I could do a lot of good by getting on top of these issues in my life.


dude, it sounds to me like you have issues coming up from your subconscious. subconscious issues usually have to do with childhood/early development stuff..therapy can be useful.
there is hope.
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