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aspergers and sex

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aspergers and sex

Postby newtothis2008 » Thu Nov 13, 2008 11:38 pm

Hi
I just registered for this forum because I have found myself in a new to me situation.

I've become sexually involved with a man who has asperger's. He did not tell me about his condition, just that he was shy. When we were together the first time, he definitely was much shier than I thought he would be. The next time we talked, I brought this up and he told me that he had Asperger's. The first time we got intimate together, we did not have sex, but we did a lot of other stuff together.

I went to see him again a little more than a week later and he decided he wanted to go all the way. He was able to attain an erection, but as he got closer to me, he quickly became flacid. I thought it was just first time jitters and performance anxiety. We really didn't manage to have a successful 'first time'

This week, I went to see him again. He was 100% into the foreplay and was very hard during this time. But once again he became flacid as he approached me. Needless to say he is frustrated, and so am I, but nearly as much. We did manage to have about 4 minutes of penetration before ejaculation, which we both very much enjoyed.

Now after all of this explaination, is his lack of being able to perform at the critical time related to the aspergers or is it just good old fashioned first time experience or related to the inexperience. I can tell he really wants to, but as he says, his body is betraying his wants. He would like to try Viagra, even though he's just 24 years old. But at the same time, doesn't want to depend on it. I'm all for giving it a try, after all, it's he who will have to take the medication. He is very physically fit.

Thanks in advance for your replies... I hope someone can help us out here.
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Postby Chucky » Sat Nov 15, 2008 1:51 am

Hi,

This is most likely nothing directly to do with the Asperger's at all. It is more likely due to the fact that he is either depressed, has a poor diet, or is taking medication that reduces his libido. This is quite astonishing actually, because you're the third person in two weeks to raise such an issue; and it's never happened before in my time here! Take a look at this thread: http://psychforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=31635

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Postby newtothis2008 » Wed Nov 19, 2008 2:14 am

Well when he does get hard enough, he climaxes in under 2 minutes, with the exception of one of the last times, where it was closer to 5 minutes.

He's just so very nervous when we are intimate... but he is getting better. The last couple of times he's been able to establish eye contact and smile at me... things he has told me are difficult for him to do.

He wants to try Viagra, which I didn't care for at first, since he is only 24, but after reading up on it, I guess ED can hit a man of any age. I'm not convinced that it's ED, but perhaps if he tried the viagra and got an experience that wasn't so frustrating, he would realize he is capable. I mean he is incredibly hard while we are fooling around, then when it's showtime... zap, there it goes!
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Postby newtothis2008 » Wed Dec 10, 2008 8:03 pm

thought I'd give an update.... he decided he was going to try the viagra route...

he took one last night and OMG! Now we just need to figure out if it is really ED or if it's his performance anxiety... he worries and gets vervous over ALL kinds of stuff...

but most people don't believe it's due to the asperger's... but all I know is that I have been waiting for last night to happen for a few months..
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Postby Chucky » Wed Dec 10, 2008 9:41 pm

Hi again,

I don't like the fact that he has resorted to Viagra but that is his decision. The long term effects of Viagra are not known and it could very well lead to sexual dysfunction if taken from a young age. I dunno... ...I'm just upset that he resorted to this. Given time, he would have become less nervous with you intimately, and then things would have improved.
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Postby newtothis2008 » Thu Dec 11, 2008 5:14 am

He was actually told the opposite.. that once he gains his confidence, if that is the problem.. then this will be only short term.. I know tonight he wants to try it without the viagra and he only got like 3 pills to begin with, which would be six days worth.

He was incredibly happy with his performance and gave him quite the boost. He has said from the beginning he doesn't want to become dependent on it
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Postby Chucky » Thu Dec 11, 2008 9:29 pm

Hi again,

Is Viagra available off-prescription there? It's only available on-prescription here (Ireland), as far as I know. Anyway, look, he might say that he doesn't want to become dependent on it, but the nature of certain drugs is that they alter the biochemistry of the body such that the person feels like they need the drug... ...and then they continue to keep taking it.

Sorry to be harsh on you... ...I just view this as something similar to a shy person drinking alcohol in order to become 'less shy'. Know what I mean?
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Postby Volumnius Flush » Fri Dec 26, 2008 9:39 am

hey i have aspergers why don't i go have sex and see if i can maintain an erection? then we'll know definitely if it is the AS or not

no but really i have never heard of this, i can't imagine a guy not getting an erection when a naked chick is standing in front of him
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Postby newtothis2008 » Fri Dec 26, 2008 2:42 pm

I don't feel anyone is being hard on me... it was his decision to try the viagra and he got it from the nurse practioner at his docs office. The last night we were together and at the end of the night he performed just fine and even though he took the viagra several hours earlier, he believed his erection was of his own volition... now I don't know exactly how he knew that and I told him the effects of the viagra can last for several hours, but he was convinced it wasn't the viagra.

I don't know when we will have to opportunity to be together again, but when it does happen, he wants to try without the medicine...He truly doesn't want to spend the rest of his sexaul life taking viagra.

I will add... it's not that he can't get an erection... he gets plenty hard during foreplay... he cannot maintain it, once we get close the the actual act of intercourse.

He is a very nervous type person in general... I didn't know if that was an aspie trait or not...or if this is in addition to the aspergers... I know plenty of people who are JUST nervous. I know he is also very worried that he won't please me... I reassure him that he does, but he does seem to need the reassurance often... and I am OK with that. He is a very good and attentive lover.
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Postby Chucky » Fri Dec 26, 2008 9:33 pm

Hi,

I have been told that I am a very good and attentive lover too. I have read books about the female body and about certain so-called 'pleasure points'. Anyway, people with Asperger's are only really nervous due to a lack of socialising. Does he ever et out much with friends (if he has any)?

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