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As a 16 year old girl, being attracted to older men..?

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As a 16 year old girl, being attracted to older men..?

Postby ashleyishere » Tue Aug 07, 2007 5:56 pm

Hello guys, I'm Ashley and I'm 16 years old. I've noticed this past year that I seem to be attracted to older men (age range anywhere between 20-something to 40-something) I don't know exactly why that is. i live with my mom, half sister and grandma. I visit my dad regularly (every month for at least a weekend and summers spent with him) and I had a stepdad from age 6-13 (then mom & him got divorced). We still talk because he's my sister's father. The reason I bring this up is because I've looked into this and some say that if you don't have a father figure in your household, a young girl may be attracted to older men - seeking a father figure. But this confuses me because I am not sexually attracted to my father/ex stepfather.. but I am sexually attracted to older men. Does anyone have any idea why this may be.. if there is a specific reason or possibility? It's kind of embarrassing because my friends think I'm weird. Thanks for the help :)
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Postby plicketycat » Tue Aug 07, 2007 6:44 pm

While some girls who lack or had intermittent father figures can become attracted to older men looking for a "daddy", that doesn't sound like what's going on with you from your post. You have two father figures - your dad and stepdad - and you seem to get along with them and see them frequently enough that they still have some male influence on you. I wouldn't sweat that if it doesn't feel right to you and doesn't resonate deep down.

Now, as for being attracted to older men... that's pretty common at your age, especially if you feel more mature than your peers. It's normal for teen girls to find teen guys kind of childish and dorky -- girls tend to start puberty earlier and mature a bit faster in adolescence than boys, it's all down to physiology and hormones. So, it makes sense that you'd be attracted to men that are more mature, more stable and (hopefully) out of that phase... they feel more "equal" to you.

Unfortunately, some men don't outgrow that phase, or are attracted to younger girls for control reasons. It's okay to be attracted to them, but it's not okay to get involved with them in a sexual relationship - and it's illegal in most states in the U.S. (other countries have different laws, but it's still wise to be careful). Remember, that even though you might be way ahead of the pack, you're still not done developing yet. The parts of your brain responsible for good judgment and sense of self aren't fully formed yet... getting involved with someone older can cause problems with your development if you're not careful and they don't have good intentions.

Before you dismiss this as some old fogey who doesn't understand your situation... I may be 36 now, but when I was in my teens I had a few relationships with older men that did damage my personal growth and left me feeling shameful and guilty for years. I wouldn't want to wish those feelings and troubles on anyone. Just take care of yourself and try not to get too swept up in the romantic dreams and hormones - you'll thank yourself later :)
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not. --- Andre Gide

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Postby ashleyishere » Tue Aug 07, 2007 6:49 pm

That makes sense to me - the whole maturity thing. Thanks so much I appreciate it :D
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Postby strongworrier » Thu Aug 09, 2007 10:31 pm

i'm the same way but it never really bothered me. the only thing is its kind of disappointing knowing that i cant be with the guys i like b/c of the age thing. or if i did i could get them and myself in trouble or like you said your friends might not talk to you or think you're weird. ive only been with guys my age b/c id be too embarrassed to be turned down by an older guy. im 16 too btw.
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Postby ashleyishere » Fri Aug 10, 2007 3:23 pm

exactly! it definitely sucks :?
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I almost had that problem!

Postby selfdoc » Wed Aug 15, 2007 4:12 pm

I am a 51 year old married man,and was concerned and perplexed beyond my wits,why a very young woman(18 years old)co-worker would be so sexually obsessed with me! I was confused,because she's very pretty,and I am a balding average guy(physically)though handsome to most women who approach me. She kept a steady pursuit: brushing her breasts against my elbows,staring at my crotch,bringing me or inviting me to lunch,telling me "she was wondering how she can experience a latin lover(I am hispanic),and asking if my wife was a satisfactory lover!!?
I have always been a true professional with my co-workers,and never
flirt with any of my female co-workers. I politely let her know that I have never cheated on my wife,and will never do it. And that I only like women my own age. I guess that put a stop to her insistence,and she has become more withdrawn,and avoids me now. which I appreciate. What puzzled me is that her father seems to be a loving father,he comes to visit her at work,and she seemed happy while she's with him. So I gues no "father-figure"in that area. And that is not the first time I have had younger women(15-20) interested in me,including relatives. I wish it would not be so though.
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electra complex?

Postby selfdoc » Wed Aug 22, 2007 1:28 pm

I would like to add to my previous post,that what it's commonly thought as the reason young women(even teenagers)feel attracted to much older men,is their "electra complex" It's a freudian term to explain the theory that some young women,and maybe through hormonal changes trough their early years,develop a form of sexual,or physical,and emotional attachment to a figure of an older man in their early life. In most cases,this male figure is their father,step-father,or male adult guardian. While most girls instinctively grow out of this condition,and grow up and marry men their own,or close to their own ages,there a few cases where the young woman doesn't detach herself from this condition,and experiences many psychological hang ups that interfere with her life in general. Maybe the experts could explain this part of the female upbringing better.
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Re: electra complex?

Postby paddyahern » Sun Aug 26, 2007 4:36 pm

selfdoc wrote:I would like to add to my previous post,that what it's commonly thought as the reason young women(even teenagers)feel attracted to much older men,is their "electra complex" It's a freudian term to explain the theory that some young women,and maybe through hormonal changes trough their early years,develop a form of sexual,or physical,and emotional attachment to a figure of an older man in their early life.


Electra-Oedipus/Freudian psychology = nonsense.

Attraction to older men is natural and encouraged as older men are older for a reason. This means strength, wisdom and high social status.

Although in a "civilization" this does not apply, as most older men are the complete opposite. However, humans haven't and will not evolve to accomadate the confusion that civilized city living has caused.
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Postby ashleyishere » Wed Sep 19, 2007 7:22 pm

thanks for all of your input guys.
i keep looking for more information about this.
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I Guess I Am A >>>>>>

Postby jim 420 » Sun Sep 23, 2007 11:56 pm

** Dirty Oldman **

Because I have always enjoyed dating younger women then my self ..
And that has'nt changed ..
Still Confused
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