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Hocd?pure-o? What's happening , PLEASE READ

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Hocd?pure-o? What's happening , PLEASE READ

Postby S0C3RSTARZ » Sat Mar 25, 2017 3:04 pm

Ok im a boy around the age of 13-16 (I don't want to state my age) so I'm going to start out when this all started and till this day, so it's June 25 2016 and I go to the store and a random comment came up to my brain saying "oh that guy is cute" and I'm like "no no no I would never say that" from that moment a red flag rose and as the day went by I was crying because I don't want to be gay, every guy I saw my brain came with a thought that was like "oh he is cute" even to the ugliest guys!!! Not to get out of track but I always liked girls since age 5 my first Crush was this pretty girl in my grade and I wrote a love letter to her at that time!! But I always liked girls, I was always aroused by girls, I dreamed about marrying a pretty young women and then we start a family (that was a dream) but back to the story, so I went to vacation at that time and it was to a water park and during that time it's was like torture I couldn't do anything because of the anxiety and it truly ruined my vacation but the next month was my first day of high school and I met new kids and it was fun but I still kept on getting the thoughts and it truly bothered me and made me depressed I soon met this pretty blue eyed girl and she was something but the problem was I was ugly so I gave up. It was now the 5th month and I started not to care anymore and lived my life and the next month It was going away. But it was January 2017 now and I got POCD for a week and this showed me that what was going on the last couple of months was HOCD (I hope) And once the POCD went away I got the fear I was a cannibal and then after those weeks I gotten Harm-OCD and by this time it's early February and during the harm-ocd I got horrible urges to do bad things but thank goodness I never did them . The harm-OCD went on for about 1 month and was dying down. I sometimes got the harm thoughts and gays thoughts and I'm "if I'm getting all this I hope it's HOCD and harm-OCD" but then I got the fear of becoming a schzioprenic and I looked up symptoms to see if I had it a few days later I discovered that I had schiz-Ocd but thank goodness it ended last week but this is why I'm here so when the schz-OCD went away last week I had my eye on this pretty girl in my grade and she truly made me feel great but during last Sunday I was on Facebook and I was watching a video of a gay man and how he helped and I was like "that's awesome I support!!" But then the OCD kicked in and triggered the HOCD AGAIN (I hope) but for this whole week I was thing the same thing I kept on getting the gay thoughts and I was "please go away", "that's not my cup of tea" , "please no no no", "I thought you went away" and so long so fourth. And just 24 hours ago I watched a basketball game in my school and while I was watching my brain starts getting this excited weird scary feeling but to my heart and soul it was like torture to me because I want don't want those gay thoughts , my brain is saying "your gay just admit it" and I'm like no I'm not giving up my straight life because I love my straight life. I forgot to mention but yes during the times when I first got HOCD last year I did watch porn to see if I was still aroused by girls and I stayed away from boys because I don't like the thoughts that go thru my Brain I just want my straight life to come back that's all I want . If someone has good advice please share, if someone has go techniques please share , someone please help me because I'm tired I want these gay thoughts to leave I don't know if all this is pure-o or I don't even know. Please help me I just want a pretty girl friend I can't spoil and make her happy I always liked Girls all my life
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Re: Hocd?pure-o? What's happening , PLEASE READ

Postby TameQueen » Tue May 02, 2017 3:27 am

You're gay. Again, this is nbd.
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