Hello I'm new to this and don't know exactly which forum this falls under. I'm 28-year-old gay man, and I'm deathly afraid of sex. I still live at home with my family, and I never really go into "the gay scene," because I'm afraid of what is out there. I have had boyfriends in the past, but always feared sex because of the health concerns with gay sex. So I'm still a virgin. But, lately I've been really depressed because I want to be intimate with someone and don't know how to get over this road block.
I recently met an older man, 52, whom is so far a great guy. I met at a party in which we deeply kissed, and now I'm afraid I have HIV.
I do have a tendency to be obessive with things, but never diagnosed with OCD. I was also a hypercondriac when I was kid. When I was 12 I thought I had cancer or AIDs.
I have heard so many things when it comes to kissing and HIV. I heard deep and dry kissing are technically safe. I know I didn't have any sores in my mouth, etc. I don't know as for him, I would imagine not. He and I discussed this issue and he says he doesn't have the virus, but I'm just deathly afraid that he's lying. I met with an HIV counselor who told me that I don't need to be tested because I haven't done anything risky. However, I've come across articles and websites that says it's is risky.
Why is that everytime I try to meet someone to start a relationship I always go through this process of catosphrizing my life? It hurts my stomach so much with aniexty. I sometimes cry because I really want to be loved physcially and emotionally. But, I'm just so afraid that I'm going to get it wrong. I'm so stressed out about that I actaully got a sore throat. Please any advice you can give to crub my aniexty is GREATLY appreciated!