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I can't orgasm unless I masturbate!

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I can't orgasm unless I masturbate!

Postby Alice » Mon Nov 14, 2005 9:37 am

Help! I've never been able to orgasm during sex (including oral). Only masturbation. I never use a vibrator, just my hands. I've been with 5 guys since I lost my virginity about 6 years ago and while most were below-par in bed, my current boyfriend ("Scott") of 4 years is great. Sex with him feels great, but I still can't orgasm. I don't think it's a problem with his ability or technique; I think I just can't let loose enough. I'm a very inhibited, shy person and I never feel at ease- except with my boyfriend. But I don't get it- he's the -only- person I feel really comfortable around yet I can't orgasm. Does anyone else have this problem? I don't know what to do- this problem is more or less causing our relationship to deteriorate because Scott feels inadequate. No matter how much I explain it's not him, he still gets down about it. I'm just curious if any other women have this problem or if they had it and found a "cure." Therapy is a last resort! I've only found very little on the 'net about this problem, so any input would help. Thanks!!
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Postby moramind » Tue Nov 15, 2005 3:46 am

well, give him a heads up, if there is somthing that you do that gets you off, get him to try it for you, it may come out better than you would ever expect
somtimes, it's like i want to touch these lights, and give into them become them, just a flash for a moment~in this world
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More to this!

Postby Entangled » Sun Nov 27, 2005 8:26 am

When people have problems with having intercourse because they find masterbating more adaquate...amny times it is because of the masterbation.

Do you have a masterbation habit?

When this happens..it is similar to a drug habit.

Many hormones and chemicals are released into your system and your feel more at ease and less stress.

I learned this before I was sexually active, for the plumbing was there...but, the stress was high.

What do you think?

That is the problem.

Sometimes masterbation is easier than sex.

Ideas:

When you masterbate by yourself...you are using an image...in mind or elseware.

Here's the clincher? What is better than your own fantasy!

Nothing!

Thus, when sex comes and you find it...everything is great...except...the orgasm and you probably are creating a fantasy in your mind.

That is normal.

Most people have ahard time with that! Are you having sex with me or are you having it in fantasy.

Actually both!

Integrate the fantasy with the reality and...it's a starter.

If you loose someone to the idea of fantasy, you will not forget the warmth and physical pleasure of sexsual encounters.

Closet masterbaters are only using imagination...even if they are stimulated by...pictures or imaginary ideas.

If it's habitual...the stimuli is practly nothing...just the release of stress...and that's it!

Stopping it is problem...but the actual sexual encounter is always very special and is in no way in comparison with habits long done!

See?

Many people don't understand that!
This man was sexually assaulted (rape) and has OCD...yikes!

"It literally turned my life around!"

He worked in a Pyschiatric Hospital as a Nursing's Aid for 5 years.

He was also a patient on a few occasions for suicide, too.
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Postby Musician » Sun Nov 27, 2005 6:26 pm

Great post Entangled! I think my masturbation habits might be the reason why I'm having problems during intercourse with my girlfriend. I never reach climax, and I was hung up in the idea that my size was the reason... I guess its all in the mind :P
Nobody knows what it's like to be me, still, how can I know what it's like to be normal.
To be honest, I wouldn't want a normal persons brain if I was paid to change to it
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Yes!

Postby Entangled » Sat Dec 03, 2005 4:24 am

What Psych people say is, " to frequent yourself with sex and unfrequent youself from masterbation. More sex...less masterbation. You will rely on sex more. Masterbation is habit, like drug. But partnership can take it's place.

Subtitlies in physical contact outway anything in masterbation.

Hard core sex addicts look inward and not outward to the partner! Sexual intercourse and sexual contact are a Pair...not single?

Yes, sometimes, stray anxiety hits you! You will masterbate!

Make sure your partner knows the beauty of physical contact and all 1,000,000 different feelings, instincts, ideas, etc.

If the partner is insecure, frequent the time spent in close preximity!

We all have a boundarys. People do this in elevators. One will always take the other corner.

Our social space is around 3-4 ft. Anything closer will have consequences.

Have you ever found someone standing one 1ft in front from you, making conversation, and you want to move back? They are invading your space!

Intimate contact is anything closer! Stay close to your love'd one! The closer, the more the partner will feel secure and you can feel secure!

What people don't understand with a masterbation habit, that it goes so long, it becomes more like drug. The orgasm is relief and you go to bed. No pleasure, no beauty!

What makes it hard is that, when having sex, it is different than the orgasm you find during the habit. Fantasies will be common in your mind to gain orgasim...and slightly drift off to what your partner provides.

Everyone fantasies during sex. If someone does so..don't sweat it! It's normal...Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and if they feel your a sex God/Goddess...that is where they should be! What brings out your love comes within the partner.

During sex, our crued shells take way to what we "see" in each other.

Marriages die from this. We all get laxed and...never get made up like we used to for dates. Kids are on the way and, what we saw is different...unless you are inward bound to the person...and realize you love the inside.

Doesn't work?

I dated a women older than me...250 lbs...and went through 3 marriages and, all based on sex, for she never thought that anyone would date her for her "homely" looks.

After three years, she asked for her freedom and has found someone. She has been going out with this man for two years. Not bad for a woman who thought all she could do to get a man was sex?

I knew the consequences to my feelings all to well. But, I was also looking at hers and her life.

For a woman like that? I t was an honor to step aside and let her find her own potential.

Sexual contact will outway masterbation. It takes time, effort and communication!

The end justifies the means!
This man was sexually assaulted (rape) and has OCD...yikes!

"It literally turned my life around!"

He worked in a Pyschiatric Hospital as a Nursing's Aid for 5 years.

He was also a patient on a few occasions for suicide, too.
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Postby funnyguy » Thu Jan 05, 2006 8:06 am

hey, my ex has been with 6 guys before me, her ex had a 12 inch penis, and she never had an orgasm from sex. and she was with me for 8 months, after some time, i started to give her orgasms, and i only have a 4.5 inch penis, so yay!
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Postby Dons 2cents » Sat Jan 07, 2006 5:36 am

Alice, take a peek at some of our posts on situational retarded ejaculation about your kind of concern. Go to it and look at the last 10 pages. Take a look at the possibility of using an L-arginine cream to increase nitric oxide to your genital area, especially clitoris. Sensate focus works for some. Don't give up on this one. The Slightest Touch or Eros (mechanical therapy) works for some women.
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Postby jocasey » Sat Jan 07, 2006 12:49 pm

hey alice i used to have this problem...in fact i used to prefer masterbatin to intercourse. i suppose it was because i could hit the spot straight away and go at my own rythm..lets face it men tend to go at thier own pace and rythm.but ive found a comprimise that works for me. i masterbate as my partner and i make love.my fave position is to lie on my side while my partner takes me in the spoons postion.i then stimulate my clitoris myself.i usualy get myself realy turned on and then find that i can orgasm through intercourse alone then
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Postby emmmsypoo » Wed Jan 11, 2006 8:46 am

ive never came during masterbation or sex ive just never came and im 20 and slept with way over 10 guys. Sex just doesnt do it for me and i dont know why :(
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Postby jocasey » Wed Jan 11, 2006 9:40 am

emm...i didnt have my first orgasm until i was 25.i dont think it matters how many sexual partners you have either.its just a matter of getting to know your body.i gave myself my first orgasm.just find time to relax and have a good fiddle down below...it wil come with time (excuse the pun lol)
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