I appreciate both your comments and advice. ^^ I think the falling alseep analogy is very accurate, actually. It took me several months to get used to sleeping with another person every night. But usually, I was so happy to have someone who I loved next to me, I would just watch her breath until it relaxed me enough to fall alseep. It was never a stressful thing when I couldn't fall asleep right way. I will definitely try to think about sex in a similar way and maybe it will help me relax more. About your "#1" (openminded) -- I think that USED to be accurate for me. I used to get so worried that she wasn't enjoying herself or she was uncomfortable or something was wrong while she was pleasuring me, but I've realized she enjoys doing these things when I enjoy them. So the distracting part is not really an issue anymore.
Your #2 is pretty dead on, though. One thing that I haven't mentioned previously (and this relates to what else I get nervous about, which Chucky asked) is that my gf has sex with me extremely infrequently. I have a really high libido and for the first three months of our relationship, she did too. We have dealt with a lot of really difficult things in our relationship, especially during the 4-8 months so I have no idea what it is that changed in her mind (there are too many possibilities). Sex for me is almost like an intense hug-- it's just a way of being really close to someone and making them feel good. So it has been really, really hard for me. And with time, it has definitely gotten much easier to deal with. However, the consequences of it have been kind of unexpected. I love this girl soooo much that I want to be with her forever, even if we never had sex again. I've told her this since the very beginning. Anyways, the main consequence that relates here is that I prepare myself not to have sex and then once every 3-4months when she wants to I get really confused. Because I have no idea what made her decide why she wanted to, and then all I can think about is how long it's going to be until it happens again.
The main thing I've learned as that she responds to stress by not having sex. So I never pressure her to have sex. I feel like if she does not want to, I should never make her or pressure her into it, partly because I realize this will just translate into stress in her mind and it will never happen.
As I said, we do have a very communicative relationship and periodically I have checked in with her, asked her if she knows what changed, why she decides to at a given point, etc. She doesn't know what changed after 3 months. So the end result is that when we DO have sex, I feel like I have to do everything I can to squeeze it in so that I can hold out another few months and simultaneously make her feel as good as possible so that maybe she will want to do it again sooner than the last time. And that leads to square one where I'm putting way too much pressure on myself.
So, while that is definitely contributing, the problem is not orgasming for is a separate issue, I believe, because I've had it since we first met, before all of that began.
Chucky, to better answer what makes me nervous in life-- not much. I am a very laid back person typically and in day to day life, I'm really happy. I am slightly OCD, but not enough to negatively impact my life and since I've grown up with it I know how to manage it without stressing myself out about it. The only things that upset me are stressful moments in my relationship with my gf and not having sex/not cuming, I suppose.
Thank you both again, for taking time out. ^^
Oh, and since these boards are usually filled with sad things, I thought I might share a funny moment I had today with you. I am female, but I look very androgynous. Most people think I am a male but about 10yrs younger than my real age. Today I was volunteering to help a family with some house repair when their 4 year old son came to me and asked, "Why do you look like a girl?" I stared at him for a minute and then he continued, "Well, you are a boy right? So are you just playing pretend as a girl?" Hahah, it was so funny and cute. I told him I was not playing pretend and that some boys look like girls and some girls look like boys, that this is just the way some people are. He seemed satisfied with that answer and we continued painting together. I love how open-minded and accepting children are.