I hate my sexual thoughts. Erection Problem

Since I've been about 15, I've always been attracted to really fat women. When I meat fat, not chubby/ curvy I mean anything over 300lbs. I would say 95% of the time I masterbate to extremely obese women when I'm online. If I am masterbating alone, I simply cannot cum unless I think about really fat women. I have been in two long term relationships and both of them have been big women, my last ex was extremely big. I have fantasies all the time about huge women, feeding them and that they enjoy being really fat. I've come to accept that I prefer larger women, but its got to the point where I cant sustain an erection unless I think about massive women. Even though it turns me on, half the time it disgusts me. I will see images that deep down make me feel sick sometimes, though it turns me on. I am a very fit, healthy person and like to take care of my body and would like nothing else than to be with someone who feels the same way. I have really fancied skinny, normal sized women in the past (and one person at the moment), but have never taken it further because I can never get hard thinking about them sexually. There was one person who was perfect in every way, but I just didn't find her sexually attractive. I also generalised anxiety disorder, get bad sexually anxiety and have had a couple of occasions where I could not get it up at all because I was so anxious. I even tried sleeping with my ex not too long ago and I couldn't get it up due to my anxiety kicking in. I have slept with a couple of skinny girls before, but really didn't enjoy it and remember thinking about fat women, while it was happening. Both times, it was extremely hard to sustain an erection. I am a very sexual person and I would like nothing to ask this girl out for a drink who I like at the moment, but just fear that not only could I not get it up but that I would always be distracted with my fat fantasy thoughts. I understand its probably who I am but really wish it would go away.
I think watching a lot of fat related porn doesn't help, so I am going to try and stop watching porn altogether. Its a constant conflicting thought pattern and I hate it and wish nothing else, that I could be sexually attracted to someone for who they are, not how fat they are. Can I ever be in a happy/healthy relationship with someone if there not fat? Is there a way to supress my fetish and how do I stop myself from getting anxious when I go to sleep with them? If anyone could help me or make any suggestions to my problem it would be greatly appreciated.

I think it's important that you try to set limits, stop yourself from watching/viewing the content if you can. I'd assume that continuing this will only further your sexual attraction, adding more fuel to the fire towards your fetish. Personally, I see nothing wrong with your fetish, I think we all have sexual attraction towards 'weirder' things, for me it's DD/LG. it's more the fact it's affecting you in more ways than you'd like. so, yes, I'd try to cut down on the behaviour. do you have any interests besides this? any hobbies? ideally you need to almost retrain yourself, keeping a more healthier interest towards these things or completely putting them in the past, I don't know - that's your choice and your choice alone. this isn't something you'll achieve overnight, I'm sure you know that.

It's a silly game to play. But I'm going to play it anyway.

EDITED VERSION wrote:Since I've been about 15, I've always been attracted to really blonde women. When I mean blonde, not golden/pale, I mean almost platinum blonde. I would say 95% of the time I masterbate to extremely pale haired women when I'm online. If I am masterbating alone, I simply cannot cum unless I think about really blonde women.

That's a preference, right. Same if I change it to a particular breast size. Race is a much more charged preference. Since people can forget about the person inside. And turn a simple skin colour into a fetish. But still.

And then there's weight. Another preference. Everyone likes what they like. And it's very common for that to be a little "taboo." Adds to the excitement overall. That doesn't make anyone a bad person for having those preferences. And doesn't mean that they should agree. If guilty thoughts come up about them.