I am a 27 year old female married to my husband for almost 4 years and have a 2.5 yr old son. We live on a farm and my father in law lives in the house next door. I have been in this family about 8 years now and the father-in-law we will call him "bob". bob has always made remarks outloud about women's breasts, legs, etc. Always says sexual jokes, It didn't seem to bother me in the past...I just figured he was a dirty old man (69 years old now). He always made remarks about being one and laughing about it.
He has been divorced twice and lives alone for the last 15 years and not dating. He would comment about the way I looked and I just would chuckle. I have been a great daughter-in-law and invite him to all of my family events, take him to dinner with us on fridays, I invite in over for dinner during the week (2 times), otherwise he just sits in his recliner in his room and moeps about life. He has told me I'm the daughter he never had and I felt very pleased that he liked me. I did a lot of this for my husband and I did feel sad that bob was alone.
Over the last year he has had been more perverted and It was starting to feel uncomfortable. He would walk across the street a main road early in the am to get his mail on the otherside with only a long shirt on and nothing underneath. He likes to sit naked in his room(which is fine in your own privacy), but his bedroom window is where he sits at and when we are outside we go and talk to him. he is wearing his long shirt, but nothing on. He will take a blanket to cover, but ALWAYS mention. " Oh, I better cover up, haha." THen about 1 year ago he just decided to flash me after he made that comment. I was mortified and never told my husband. I was afraid he would do something stupid like punch his dad (which honestly I wish I could have). SO the year went on, and he continues to walk around with no bottoms on (you can't see his stuff, but you know he is not wearing anything). He hasn't been able to achieve an erection is a while and I think this has a lot to do with his actions. I think he likes the thrill of getting caught, even though he never has. This is the only thing I could think of.
So, onto this summer. He owns a lot of woods and we fourwheel and have bon fires in an area in there. This spot is Bob's little get away in the mornings when it is nice out. He would tell me he likes to sit naked out there because he feels free. Ok, I get it, but when you know people are coming out to have a BBQ with you would hope he would have his pants on. his son (my husband) has caught him naked out there, which is why when this one day I we drove out to the wood me, my husband and my son. Well as we were pulling up he was puttting his pants on. I didn't see anything, but he knew we were coming....it started out for an awkward bbq. Then I realized that he was drunk. He rarely drinks and to be drunk by noon was totally not normal. So we ate and a huge storm was coming. I told my hubby to take max home on the four wheeler and I would pick up the food and stuff because his dad was so drunk and that I would drive his home.
My Hubby left and now I'm left with a man I thought I knew and someone who thought of me as a daughter, not quite. I told him, "alright we have to go a huge storm is coming" he just didn't want to leave. He starts talking about how good it was to be naked in the woods and feel free. I said, "yeah, i'm sure it feels good, but we need to go like ASAP." Then he starts getting gross and talking about his junk. I said ok that is enough lets go. He then started talking about how he wished I would just look at his penis. I told him, I don't need to see that. He continued to stay that since I don't want to see it that I am ashamed of it. I said, I'm married to your son and have no desire to see your stuff (i said it nicely). The storm is literally here, it is pouring. He stood up from the chair he was sitting in and just dropped his pants and sat back down. I about died. I instantly turned away and staired out in space. He then started getting mad at me. I didn't understand. He then said that I don't care for him and since i won't look at him I don't care. So, i looked at his eyes and said I care, but I don't thing your son would appreciate his dad showing me his stuff. He kept trying to guilt trip me as he is pulling and tugging on his balls and penis. As this is happening my husband calls my cell and asks if we were coming. I said, yeah. We are coming...slowly. I couldn't tell him. My husband already has issues trusting men. He had his dad the only man he could actually trust and now HE has totally crossed the line with me and now has disrespected his son. I then told his dad that we have to go, pull your pants up. I went in the truck and waited for him. He eventually stumbled to the passenger door. As he gets into the truck I noticed he had NO pants on. Seriously..., well I drove him straight home. My head was spinning and to top that off. I pulled into the his garage and was praying my husband was not going to come over to help. I told his dad to go inside and go to bed( even though it was about 1pm). As I was ready to get out of the truck he said I have a question as he is tugging on his stuff. I instantly said NO, NO, NO! before he even asked the question. He then proceeds with.."just touch it, just touch it, please, just a poke." I was ready to cry/scream. I said, " I know john would be very upset with you if he knew this." He said, "it can be our little secret" OMG seriously, I wanted to run home so fast. I said, he in the house i'm going home. You can get the stuff in your truck later. I didn't want to be rude, cause god forbid he might do something stupid to himself once he realized what the hell he did. I literally ran across the yard to my house and just was blanked faced as I walked in. My husband asked what took so long. I didn't tell him at first, then I just started bhaling. I told him and he was shocked and looked pretty pissed off. my husband things any man would do this to me, but his dad, never. I didn't feel comfortable with my hubby going over there to talk to him, considering bob was drunk and possibly sleeping by now.
the next day I was flustered, mad, but by the 3rd day I couldn't stop crying. I would just be doing something and cry. My husband came home from work and I started crying uncontrolable. That is when he said he was going to talk with his dad. He went and the end result is that his dad said he had no idea what my husband was talking about. When my hubby can home and told me this I was furious. SO then, I went with my husband over there and talked with him. He saw me and started crying. Really you don't remember, but your crying..ASSHOLE. So i told my hubby to get out so I can talk with him. He said sorry and that I don't need to see no dirty old mans junk. I told him I woun't come around unless he is dressed, stops talking and making perverted remarks about me or other women. I told him this has to stop. that he may need to bring this up to his doctor that he feels the need to be naked all the time. I told him there are communities that do this, if this is what he needs, or medication for depression or something to help him. He laughed, i don't need meds, i'm fine. all in all. I didn't come around for about 2 weeks and I avoided him with all cost. but when you are neighbors you will run into each other eventually. OVer the past month I invited him over for dinner once, because he cried to me that it is sooo lonely with out my son and him coming to visit everyday and he is soo sorry.
But, of course the comments are coming back, he starts at women and is just rude and inconsiderate. He doesn't say anything about me anymore. We were at a town fish bowl that we go to everyyear. We were eating our dinner and he sees these group of highschool girls and starts commenting "just not fair, just not fair." so of course im like what ism't fair? He states, "that those young girls have such nice legs." the tone of his voice was disgusting. I said, " that is how old men get into trouble" thinking this would make his stop talking or realize what is doing, but no he keeps going. My husband just made a look at me and I wish he would have told his dad to shut up. these were little girls....so gross. Yes, to thing they are pretty is one thing, but to stare and talk about them like a piece of meat is just WRONG. THen one of my friends can with another couple. SHe had fake boobs and she wasn't showing them off, they were covered. Of course Bob, takes his glasses and slightly lifts them up while staring at her breast and says. "yup, i see them, yup, yup." How RUDE. he didn't even know her. My husband went to talk to his dad last night about this and Bob feels that nothing was wrong about it. He said, well i should just stay home..i can't get in trouble this way. My husband then informed him that the lady with the boobs had breast cancer and that is why she has those fake ones. He said, "so, they look good now." He asked if I had something to do with why my husband came to talk with him. I take him to all of his doctor appointments because he likes another pair of ears and I am a nursing student and would like to know what is going on with him since he is my neighbor. He said, I don't need her to make me dinner anymore, take me to the doctor or anything. Im done. I am pretty sure he is pissed at me, but I am sick and tired of this. Why does he do this? SHould I go talk with him and just tell him what I think? I was so grossed out about him loooking and commenting about the little girls. I want to get prego again and if I have a daughter and he even so dares to look at her this way I don't know what I am going to do.
One last thing, bob works for a farmer and the farmer has 2 daughters 13 and 14. the 14 yr old like to ride around in the semi and tractors with people because it is like a baby sitter for the dad when the girls are with him for the week. My fatherinlaw usually drives semi and the girls always drive with him, only one at a time no room for two. I question if he is vulger with them I could only assume since he has a naked calendar sticky think in his trucks and has told me the one girl asked why he has that in there. the last week and a half the week of fish boil these girls have been calling bob and asking if they can come over. I know they like riding the fourwheelers throught the woods and that is the only way they are allowed in our woods, because we don't let anyone in there other than us ride because of the liability of someone getting hurt. Anyways, when they come over they call me for me to come over ( they only have came over 4 times, but it just is not right). I come out with my son, but it just seems weird. He told me infront of one of the girls that he loves when she comes over. "he gets all warm and fuzzy inside and his WHOLE day is just that much better when she comes over." It is like he is doing the same thing he did with me when he first met me. Get me to feel guilty that he is alone and wants company. I like the girl she plays with my son the entire time, but little girls don't understand to close their legs and they do cart wheels in the grass. I don't care, but he is so perverted that he probably likes this...my skin justs crawls. They are at the state fair this week showing ther cows so they won't be coming around this week. I am planning on calling her and telling her not to be calling him anymore and that it just isn't right for her to be coming and visiting him. I would die if he did anything or said something out of line to her. What if he is sitting naked in the woods and they come driving though and OPPS, he didn't put his pants on quick enough.....OMG.
Please help me, I am hurting, scared, afraid and don't feel comfortable living here until things get fixed. I feel for my husband and he says he doesn't want to believe that his dad is a perve/flasher/exhibitionist or what ever his problem is. I have brought this up to bob and he said he gets excited going across the street with no shorts on, but doesn't not at all believe it is a problem.
How do I get him help and where do I start, because I will not let this go again, even though this was just comments and no flashing was involved.
I will not let this happen agian and if he can get close with me, he can do it to anyone and this time it might be a younger girl.
What Do I do about him flashing me even though it was 1.5 months ago?
ps. I told my mother and dad and they feel this is just wrong (my husband doesn't know I told them) I didn't tell him because I get he is embarresed of his dad.
What do I do about the holidays? he always comes with, but my family is honestly sick of his perverted women comments too.
WHy does BOB not feel that this is wrong?
DO we do a family couseling with me, him and his son?
thanks for any advice