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Sex in 20's?

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Sex in 20's?

Postby dpaulson1291 » Thu Nov 20, 2014 8:01 pm

Me: 23 male, engineering college student, research assistant as well as work on weekends. Graduating next year.

I've only had sex once, when I was 18 with gf (later broke up due to college reasons). Since then, I haven't had sex, or any other romantic contact for that matter. Some of this was deliberate, to keep me focused on school.

Lately, I'm growing extremely worried if 1) I'm letting prime years for sexual growth and experiences go by, and 2) most importantly, am I stunting my growth as a person by not really having any sexual experience?

I feel like sex has been a positive influence on the lives of most of my peers, helping them grow one way or the other. Has anyone ever been sexless for a long time? Or have some perspective on this? It's been worrying me since the summer.
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Re: Sex in 20's?

Postby Ada » Fri Nov 21, 2014 1:03 pm

Well. There's the people posting to this recent thread- sexual-dysfunctions/topic151558.html

My own opinion is that calculating "prime years" can be a wonderful way to beat ourselves up. They apply to the average person. Which is fine. Except you are an individual. And there's no knowing how much of an outlier you are.

In an alternate universe, you're having a lot of sex and fun. But your prime years for research are flying by with nothing much happening. And you are worrying that you won't attract a quality, long term partner. Because you don't have enough to offer outside the sack. In a third universe, you have the sex and the study. But it is being funded by credit cards. The debt stress means you need to post in the Erectile Dysfunction forum.

In terms of stunting your personal growth, then. I think there are tradeoffs. Every situation has something to teach. It may not be as glamorous or obvious as those lessons taught by sex. [Or, more often, bad sex. Pregnancy, termination, STDs, cheating on / being cheated on, kinky sex you don't enjoy. All highly formative.] But still worth having in the grand scheme of things.
We think too much and feel too little.
 More than machinery, we need humanity.
 More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.


Charlie Chaplain in The Great Dictator
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Re: Sex in 20's?

Postby rainbowstar » Fri Nov 21, 2014 6:16 pm

1) I'm letting prime years for sexual growth and experiences go by, and 2) most importantly, am I stunting my growth as a person by not really having any sexual experience?

Yes, and yes. What are you engineering that's so important? More important than living a rich, deep, and meaningful life? Wake up!
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Re: Sex in 20's?

Postby Myotherlife » Sat Nov 22, 2014 2:56 am

Prime years? I'm almost 72, my wife is 70, and we are having better sex now than ever before in our 48 years of marriage. I would say that if you've been able to concentrate on your education without spending time on the pursuit of sex, you're in a good place! But it might be time to add relationships to your focus.

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Re: Sex in 20's?

Postby ThousandIsland » Thu Jan 29, 2015 5:07 am

As a 25-year-old virgin, I can totally relate to the sexless lifestyle. I've also questioned whether or not I should be putting more focus on personal (and maybe sexual) growth during this time. However, what I have found helpful is a little self-examination from time to time. Here's some ideas for questions:

*Why did I abstain from sex in the first place? What drove me to this decision?
*If my decision was based on outside circumstances (like college, in your case), have those parameters changed? If so, do I feel "ready" to adjust my decision? If not, do I feel like it's time for a change?
*What will I gain or lose from abstinence as opposed to becoming sexually active again?

These are a few of the questions I ask myself every time I find myself on the fence. There's no right answer, but the answers you find may surprise you - and help you to determine what place sex and relationships have in your life at this juncture. Best of luck!

~ThousandIsland
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Re: Sex in 20's?

Postby strix123 » Thu Feb 05, 2015 5:06 am

I would completely disregard rainbowstar's statement, unless of course they are being sarcastic. sex is sex, its a personal matter, your education is also a personal matter but is also relevant and applicable to everyday life and makes you a productive member of society, and the fact that you are an engineer makes it so much more important. I find their statement to be completely irresponsible implying that sex is more important than your education and career path, focus on you, focus on confidence and the rest will come. Myotherlife also has a good point about relationships, sex is not the end all be all, focus on your self and confidence, meet people, enjoy their company and you will find yourself in a position where you will want to share an "experience" with somebody.


rainbowstar's statement actually lacks alot of insight, it took a number of engineers over the years to get to the point where we can use forums such as these to interact with each other, so for them to say what could you could possibly be engineering that's so important is actually indicative of there appreciation of others.
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Re: Sex in 20's?

Postby frustratedoldguy » Wed Mar 11, 2015 6:26 am

You have great willpower to be able to focus on something and leaving sex out of the equation. If you get into a healthy relationship that encourages your research, you can have both and it might even make your thinking more relaxed. Wild, indiscriminate sex however, is a great drain of creative energy and emotional conflicts and upheavals aren't good for anybody's thinking.
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