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sex with strangers

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sex with strangers

Postby struggling » Tue Dec 06, 2005 4:43 pm

Hello, I have this addiction, i prefer sex with strangers more so than with my partner(husband) I am careful in preventing STD's but the anxiety associated with looking and getting is driving me crazy!!! I get obsessed and look online in instant message systems, at adult sites and sometimes find it and sometimes not. If my husband knew i'd be gone. The thrill of the find and sexual tension release is what excites me the most.........how does one STOP???? I never feel fullfilled sexually with my husband; I used to but this craving for stranger sex is overwhelming and can get dangerous I know. I have met at least 50 men in the last few years with never a problem, just hot great stress release, not too many men turn down a sexual encounter believe me! So.where does on start to stop the insanity??? I am educated, only work part time so as to have time.........help!! before i get myself caught in a situation I can't get out of! thanks J
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Postby Antoninus » Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:44 pm

Sexual addiction is something that needs to be treated by a therapist or someone specially trained to work with sex addicts. You need to get yourself into treatment and part of that will be comming clean to your husband. Youll need his support to help get you through.

I do hope everything works out
They can't touch me while I'm alive, and after I'm dead, who cares?
-John F. Kennedy
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Postby run_42k » Fri Dec 09, 2005 9:58 pm

I'd think VERY carefully before telling your husband that you've been cheating on him. Especially because you've slept with over 50 men already. Honestly, he probably doesn't really want to know how many men you've slept with, because frankly, I think most men couldn't handle hearing that and would certainly leave you immediately if they knew that was the case. You definitely should have regular medical examinations to double check that you're STD free and it certainly sounds like you've been practicing safe sex, but he NEEDS to know if in case you did catch something along the way. His health is riding on your hands. You need to be prepared for him to leave you as soon as you tell him that you've been cheating. Once you are financially prepared and have a plan on where you can live on your own, then you should tell him about your problem and ask him to help you overcome it. You may eventually find that you want the divorce anyway and that marriage is not for you? That's okay, many people are not monogamous, but you should try to find a balance in your love life if you expect to have long meaningful relationships...
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Postby Sonny » Tue Dec 20, 2005 7:15 pm

Everybody runs the Sexual Addiction flag up the pole when they hear a story like yours. It should be stated for the record that despite all the hysteria about so-called sexual addiction all over the internet by "Sexperts" trying to flog books, behavioural scientists are still arguing over whether or not there even is such a thing.

Another root cause for your wanting sex with strangers could simply be that for a variety of reasons, you may be the type of person who is easily bored sexually. Despite your saying that finding these guys is stressing you out, there is a certain thrill in the chase. You get massive amounts of personal and sexual feedback through flirting and this can be a powerful boost to both libido and self esteem.

Some people can only get fully excited sexually by being with someone new. It is the NEWNESS itself that is the turn on. Needless to say people whose primary arousal mechanism is only cranked up by this newness should never marry. The trouble is most don't really understand that it is this newness that they need to become fully aroused. They can get fooled by meeting someone they are really crazy about which prolongs that "new" sexual appeal. They don't realize they have made a mistake until it's too late.

No matter how crazy a couple is for each other, that original heat always cools after marriage. Many can adjust to this same old - same old but for those who need the intense sexual fire that newness brings, marriage can end up being a sexual trap.

I wouldn't beat yourself up over this. This is who you are. You could try therapy to try and understand why you are like this but that is probably as far as you will get. Trying to stop would be like trying to stop having sex. As a matter of fact a good number of sexless marriages are due to one partner who needs sexual newness to become aroused, but would rather be celibate than walk out of what they percieve as a good thing, especially if children are part of the equation.
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Postby Mr 1 Nighter » Tue Dec 27, 2005 5:03 pm

STRUGGLING:

I'm like you. I can only get fully turned on when I'm with someone new. I find relationship sex gets old real fast....and boring. Some people are just made this way and I really don't think I could change my preferences. As a man it's even more difficult because most women want to be romanced before sex and by the time that's done I'm already bored silly with the person. At least you can meet men pretty much any time anywhere without all the song and dance of dating and small talk. Also I have found that if I'm with someone more than a few times I have a hard time getting aroused which as you can imagine makes sex difficult if not impossible for a guy. I say relax and enjoy.
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sex with strangers

Postby munchkin1806 » Sun Jan 01, 2006 2:40 am

I am surprised at the responses that where given. I myself suffer, and I do mean suffer, from a similiar problem. I am not wasting my time or effort on labeling my issues, but I do not like my conduct and wish to change it. That's the heart of the matter. If you don't like who you are, you can change what you don't like. You might not get an instant cure all that will make everything ok, but you don't need to laydown and die.
I cheat on my spouse when I am away from home. Do I like doing this, well yes, but do I think that I should be doing this, no. I love my husband and want my marriage to work. I am taking steps to not want to have sex. If I know I am going into a situation that might result in a one night stand, I will orgasm before I leave the house. I am trying to keep in larger groups, with less one on one contact with those of the opposite sex. And last, but most important, I am making my sex life with my husband something to run home to. He is surprisingly more open to new and different things, and this is what I crave. A safe environment, yet still something new and wild. Meet HIM in a motel, buy toys, tie eachother up. The point is, where there's a will there's a way. If you want to keep your marriage, then fight for it.
As a side note, I do agree that you might want to seek counceling to get to the root of your problem, get checked for STD's, and then talk to you doctor about if and how much you should let you husband know. If he sees you are making a effort it might soften the blow. Take care and I wish you luck.
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Postby Ace » Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:20 pm

Interesting topic and I think both sides have some valid points.

Munchkin seems to have a good handle of the situation. The danger of course is if you succeed in reeling in your desires for extramarital sex this could then cause sexual dysfunction in the marriage as was mentioned. Desire is a fickle and tricky thing. It is also natural and as Sonny said "who you are" But when being who you are goes against societal norms then in most people, guilt is the result.

These two forces, each pulling you in different directions could very well throw a monkey wrench into sexual desire and arousal systems.
In the worst case scenerio you could end up with severe pschosexual dysfunctions such as orgasmic disorder, hypoactive sexual desire or sexual pain disorders.

Intensive psychotherapy may prevent this from happening.
Ace
 

Postby Oracle » Thu Jan 05, 2006 10:44 pm

Struggling: One key to your problem could be found by looking at your attitudes to other parts of your life. Do you need constant stimulation? Are you bored easily by life in general or by people? Do you engage in any high risk behaviours other than sex, like extreme sports or gambling or drinking, smoking and doing drugs?

http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/ ... i_66278316
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Postby Guest » Sat Jan 07, 2006 5:58 pm

Struggling. I wouldn't call it a sexual addiction. The jury is still out on that term. Read this-

http://www.ejhs.org/volume5/SexAddiction.htm
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Postby SOOT » Tue Jan 10, 2006 4:44 pm

THIS MAY HOLD A CLUE TO YOUR PROBLEM:

http://www.multidimensionalliving.com/inquier.html
SOOT
 

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