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High sex drive causing casual sex addiction

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High sex drive causing casual sex addiction

Postby Nattykr » Sat Jun 09, 2012 7:46 am

I seem to have a really high sex drive and its interfering with my relationships and future prospects (marriage). I follow a pattern of 2-3 days before my period (I'm female) if a guy is around i'll sleep with him. Im not completely indiscriminate! but I've now slept with around 30 people and I'm aged 26.
Only two of those were long term relationships. A few were short term relationships, others were flings and a couple of one night stands.

I've tried to have numerous and continuous casual partners but this goes against what I actually want. I want a serious and meaningful relationship. Every time I start dating someone new I seem to sleep with them to quickly or it turns casual. Its driving me insane! I tried to stay celibate recently and only lasted 4 months. Im now trying to be celibate again.

I feel that my behaviour is getting in the way of my chance for a serious relationship.

I masturbate regularly.

Any thoughts?
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Re: High sex drive causing casual sex addiction

Postby aussie_surfer » Sat Jun 09, 2012 5:59 pm

I can only tell you that you are not alone. I struggle with the same issues. I want a loving long term relationship but part of me is always looking for the next sexual high, casual encounters, online chats and fantasies and masturbation.

Some of it is connected to sexual molestation as a young boy. I have had two sessions with a therapist and she is helping me understand it,
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Re: High sex drive causing casual sex addiction

Postby TheYellowMonkey » Tue Jun 12, 2012 1:13 pm

Have you tried setting limits on sexual activity from the outset of a relationship? Maybe you could have an early conversation in which you commit to abstaining for a defined number of months. Ask for his support in doing this. If you're comfortable doing so, you can explain the reasons as you have in your post. If you're meeting men who are only interested in casual sex, that should scare them away.

My hunch is that once you stop sending unconscious "casual sex" signals, you'll also stop unconsciously picking up similar signals from potential partners, and you'll begin to find yourself attracted to men who are also seeking a serious relationship.

As adults our sexual activity should be a personal, conscious choice. If you find yourself being compulsively sexual, as if it's out of your control, then your next step should be to find a good therapist.

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Re: High sex drive causing casual sex addiction

Postby jasonpresley » Tue Jun 12, 2012 4:16 pm

High sex drive, porn addiction, sexual addiction, all of these can lead to other, greater, issues. I developed a problem with masturbation when I was in elementary school. That grew into a major porn addiction when I went off to college and then eventually progressed into a full out sexual addiction that lead to one night stands and solicitation of prostitutes all while cheating on my wife. I never imagined that I would end up doing those kinds of things but the addiction took me there. I praise God that he protected me and helped me get the help that I needed before I got arrested or contracted an STD.

Not only is your "high sex drive" causing you problems in the way of finding someone to marry but once you are married it is not going to stop. You are still going to desire those new encounters because they are exciting. I thought that once I was married things would get better. In fact they got worse. I am just trying to share my experience and help you so that you don't make the same mistakes. I would highly encourage you to go find some help. You can get counseling or join a support group. If you don't have one check out "Dirty Girls Ministries" (http://www.dirtygirlsministries.org/) They are in the middle of a fund raising drive right now so please don't let that scare you away. On the main page is a link to the "Community" section. You can sign up for free and in there you will find numerous woman that have struggled with many of the same issues and can help not only provide encouragement and support but also suggestions on how to find help.

The main thing is to do something. Nothing is going to change on its own. You are traveling down a road that I was once on. It is a very dangerous and deadly road that can have devastating life altering consequences including STD or worse depending on who you end up meeting (The CraigsList killer is not just an urban myth). The hope is that it is possible to turn your life around. It is not easy and you most likely can't do it alone. Talk to someone, anyone, but the ones that have been in your shoes before will be able to give you the most practical advice and will tend to be the most supportive and least judgmental. Good Luck!!!
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Re: High sex drive causing casual sex addiction

Postby Nattykr » Mon Jun 25, 2012 7:00 pm

TheYellowMonkey wrote:Have you tried setting limits on sexual activity from the outset of a relationship? Maybe you could have an early conversation in which you commit to abstaining for a defined number of months. Ask for his support in doing this. If you're comfortable doing so, you can explain the reasons as you have in your post. If you're meeting men who are only interested in casual sex, that should scare them away.

My hunch is that once you stop sending unconscious "casual sex" signals, you'll also stop unconsciously picking up similar signals from potential partners, and you'll begin to find yourself attracted to men who are also seeking a serious relationship.

As adults our sexual activity should be a personal, conscious choice. If you find yourself being compulsively sexual, as if it's out of your control, then your next step should be to find a good therapist.


Hi Yellow Monkey,

I have tried setting limits and so far I've failed. My last two dates I waited 6 dates before sex. Perhaps that was too short, who knows, those relationships did develop. IT was after the second failure that I went back to casual sex. I actually now think this behaviour is part of my depression. The sex distracts me and helps me to not fall to 'depressed'. Not the best coping strategy whilst single.

I now have a new therapist so will be exploring this.

Thanks for your reply.
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Re: High sex drive causing casual sex addiction

Postby striveformore » Mon Jun 25, 2012 7:48 pm

My heart goes out to you. I'm in the same boat as you. Have you tried the 90 day rule? Some older women have told me to make a man wait 90 days before becoming physical. It can weed out the losers, crazies and those not worth your time. It can also give you space to really know someone before getting physical. When you have sex, it can create a bond between you and someone else. You should be careful who you create that with.

Have you discovered what triggers you? If you can preempt those urges before they translate into behavior, that can stop a lot of this behavior. I know that some men assume that things will progress to a sexual level when we meet. I think I come across as sexual and seductive when I meet a man. Sometimes we have things that we do that we may not notice, but others do. Maybe you're like me and put out those signals that indicate sex?
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Re: High sex drive causing casual sex addiction

Postby bigmike7104 » Tue Jun 26, 2012 6:35 pm

it could be that it's not high libido that's the problem, but your the sex addiction itself influencing dopamine in your brain, and making it look like high libido is the problem.

i would try to stop masturbating or cut back to once or twice a week and see how you feel. if you experience withdrawal symptoms it means you need to give your brain an extended period of time to balance.


http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cup ... e-pleasure

Human appetite for both food and sex is heavily influenced by the number of dopamine (D2) receptors in the striatum of the reward circuitry. When receptors drop after too much of a good thing, the brain doesn't respond as much, and we feel less reward from pleasure for a time. (See before-and-after scans of dopamine receptors, above.) That drives us to search even harder for feelings of satisfaction—for example, by seeking out more stimulating food or more extreme sexual stimuli, thus further numbing the brain. The repercussions of this decreasing sensitivity go well beyond calories and climaxes, and show up as all kinds of unwanted symptoms.

The natural downward spiral of brain sensitivity in response to excess explains why appetite pathologies typically take a chronic course and are resistant to treatment. But the new research also indirectly hints at the way to reverse the unhelpful brain changes: stop the behavior that's causing them as soon as possible, without waiting until it crosses the line into obesity or hypersexuality.

If ongoing excess alters the brain, making control increasingly difficult, then foregoing the problematic behavior gradually restores the sensitivity of the brain, or at least substantially improves it. I often observe this turnaround in heavy porn users who give their brains a rest by avoiding porn and cutting way back on masturbation for a month or two.

The withdrawal misery can be grim while their brains are desperate for stimulation, but it's evident from their self-reports that their brains soon become more sensitive. They notice improvements in many areas: sexual responsiveness, optimism, eagerness to approach prospective mates, reduced anxiety, and so forth. They are amazed at how far-reaching are the changes that stem from restoring the natural sensitivity of their brains.


also here's something that might help

"The experiment is very simple: avoid orgasm for at least three weeks as you observe yourself. When you feel sexual frustration building, close your eyes, tighten the muscles in your genitals and imagine the sexual feelings, or tension, rising up your spine like a thermometer to the top of your head. Feel tingles? Whether or not you do, imagine a waterfall of energy flowing down the front of yourself, and allow it to pool just below your navel. Do this as often as necessary to relieve your sexual tension. Finally, turn your attention to something productive."
"To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities." - Bruce Lee
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Re: High sex drive causing casual sex addiction

Postby striveformore » Thu Jun 28, 2012 10:51 pm

bigmike7104 wrote:
also here's something that might help

"The experiment is very simple: avoid orgasm for at least three weeks as you observe yourself. When you feel sexual frustration building, close your eyes, tighten the muscles in your genitals and imagine the sexual feelings, or tension, rising up your spine like a thermometer to the top of your head. Feel tingles? Whether or not you do, imagine a waterfall of energy flowing down the front of yourself, and allow it to pool just below your navel. Do this as often as necessary to relieve your sexual tension. Finally, turn your attention to something productive."


Thank you for this, I'm going to try it. It reminds me of a kundalini exercise.
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Re: High sex drive causing casual sex addiction

Postby bigmike7104 » Fri Jun 29, 2012 7:32 pm

here's another good one which i got off this site which has a lot of good information (and where i got the above exercise)

http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/solo-tools scroll towards the bottom and there's a lot of good links

and here's one of the exercises


The 6th Tibetan Rite

Exercise Proper: Stand
1) Tensing Phase:
a) Stand straight up and slowly let all of the air out of your lungs. As you do this, bend over and put your hands on your knees. Force out the last trace of air, and then, with the lungs empty, return to a straight up posture.
b) Place your hands on your hips, and press down on them. This will push your shoulders up. As you do this, pull in the abdomen as much as possible, and at the same time raise the chest.
Said another way, tense all of your muscles, scrunch up your shoulders, clench your fists and place them on your hips. Claw your feet into the ground. Try to stay like this for a slow count of ten.
c) Hold this position as long as you possibly can if you can't make it to the end. When you are finally forced to take air into your empty lungs, let the air flow in through the nose.
2) Relaxation Phase:
a) When the lungs are full, exhale through the mouth. As you exhale, relax your arms, letting them hang naturally at your sides.
b) Then take several deep breaths through the mouth or nose, allowing them to escape through either the mouth or nose. The object is to completely relax between each of the Tensing Phases.
3) Repeat the rite if needed, but once is usually all you need
"To hell with circumstances; I create opportunities." - Bruce Lee
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Re: High sex drive causing casual sex addiction

Postby mwillem9 » Tue Jul 03, 2012 12:21 pm

*Removed SPAM, member banned.
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