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Have a few questions about sex addiction

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Have a few questions about sex addiction

Postby Vengeance. » Sun Jun 03, 2012 9:37 pm

Hello anyone who reads this, I have been thinking about seeking some advice about this for quite a while but kind of put it off until now.

I am 25 years old and have been having sex since I was 16. The girl that I lost my virginity to I was with for about 7 years, and my addiction (or what I think is) wasn't as much of a problem with her. I would basically get it whenever I wanted it, in whatever way I asked without any hesitance. Which looking back on it now could have been due to many things; She was a bit materialistic, so name brand purses and such kind of "got her going" for lack of a better term. If she was satisfied in that aspect, she would do what I wanted. But it didn't feel like prostitution, which that basically is. We got along good sexually, but basically everywhere else was a constant battle. So after a long relationship, we broke up.

Now for the reason why I am posting this... my current girlfriend of 2 years. When we first met sex and frequency wasn't an issue. I continued along the same path I was always on, getting it when I wanted it and everything was great. But as relationships go, I am told things usually die down a bit. Well, for me that isn't really the case. And that is causing a pretty big problem in our relationship.

Basically, my ideal frequency is about 4 times a week. More if possible, but 4 minimum. If that doesnt happen for me, I get pretty irritated. And I won't beg for it, but I'll be mad if it can't happen. I watch porn sometimes but I don't make a day of it, and I don't fantasize about the girls in the porn; but I do want to do things like that with my girlfriend.

She isn't quite as outgoing sexually as me, so sometimes I am left with some to be desired but I have never thought about getting it elsewhere. She doesn't do oral (or want it done to her) or anal. Which is kind of ok with me... to an extend. I get bored of the same thing pretty easy, and mixing up positions sometimes doesnt help the matter.

The biggest problem with all of this is that me wanting to have sex, and it not just be quick and painless like a dentist appointment, causes a stir in the relationship. She is more of a 2 time a week kind of person... and that is most of the time a problem.

I realize that I have a bit of an obsession with sex, but I don't masturbate heavily nor think about other girls / cheating... so i'm confused as to what is wrong with me.

Sorry for the long post, to those who are like me and sometimes want a quicker summary -

I want to have sex 4 times per week minimum, she wants to do it 2 times per week max. I am faithful and plan to stay that way, but it's hard to meet her in the middle.


Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks
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Re: Have a few questions about sex addiction

Postby santorini » Sun Jun 03, 2012 10:55 pm

Did you try to create sexual atmosphere with her? If her libido is not as strong as yours, sometimes it may help to do things that may awaken or enhance it...watching porn together (i honestly don't know anyone who doesn't get horny from watching it- I get horny just by thinking about my lovely mature ladies :) ), going to adult stores just to have fun and tease each other - trying on sex costumes, high heels, etc, choosing, buying and using sex toys, etc ...you are 25, your are in your prime, I assume that your girlfriend is close to your age. Although people have different sexual "appetites" if you love each other there is no reason why sex should not be more 2x/week. ..but, you may need to take the initiative and make it happen as you like it and not wait for her to magically start wanting it more often, cause that may not happen. Porn is really a great starting point...see what she likes, talk to each other, be bold yet gentle and see how she'll react. :)

Good luck :)
"For years, I'd preached the benefits of self-expression but my tonic since childhood had been isolation."
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Re: Have a few questions about sex addiction

Postby Vengeance. » Mon Jun 04, 2012 1:48 am

Shes 23, sorry forgot to mention that.

We've tried to watch porn, it's hit or miss. Sometimes it works for her and other times it doesn't. For the most part it doesn't. We have also tried heels and things like that, which is great for me but she sees it as more of a pain or a burden than anything.

I've heard from several people now that 25 is the peak for this sort of thing, and when I bring it up she tells me that she obviously isnt in her prime yet. I love her but I dont want to make a compromise that I may regret later in my life.

She has had a rough time with relationships in her past, from guys pretending to be genuine just to get laid and kick her around. And her only other long term relationship was physically and mentally abusive, and it was her first love so she put up with a lot. And she tells me she can't have that much patience and forgiveness for anyone else because it failed her the first time.

To top it all off, even after being belittled at times about sex and what I want, I still want to do it with her. There was times with my ex that she would say or do something I didnt like and turn me off for days... but with my current girlfriend, no matter the situation I still want it.


Also, she is self conscious of her looks in comparison to mine which she brings up a lot. To her, shes cute but her size (5ft 120lbs) makes her look 16, and i'm 6ft 210, so she feels like my sister when we go out. But as i've told her, I love her body and everything. She is a perfect 10 to me.. and i've tried to help her out but nothing seems to get through to her.
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