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Porn addiction

Postby techaddict » Sat Jan 22, 2011 6:36 am

This is embarrassing to admit but I really get off on that whole interracial porn fetish where black men (usually they have well-endowed muscular alpha male types in these movies) sleep with white women (sometimes I'll watch with women of other races like asian, latina and what not). If I was a black dude, that might make sense but I'm a white guy. lol. Usually it's amateur porn featuring "cheating wives". Whether it be women that have set up their own pay website (I believe this is called pro-am) or couples who post their wife sharing home videos on video streaming sites. I'm not quite sure why the hell this turns me on. I suppose it is "taboo" in society, therefore exciting. I don't know. I also have this fantasy where I am a sexy white woman being "raped" by multiple black men (though on the flip side, I also fantasize about being that alpha male stud doing the women in the videos too. lol). So yeah, I think I'm bisexual or at least bicurious. I think I would get turned on if I made out with a good looking guy (not just black guys but some white guys like Georges St. Pierre and some Japanese guys) and I'd probably be open to oral sex with the guy.

But what I'm really afraid of is how these kind of fantasies (voyeuristic wife swapping porn and fantasizing about being a woman getting "raped") could potentially ruin normal sex for me. When I first went to bed with a woman, I was completely underwhelmed by the experience. It's not that I don't find women attractive. I've masturbated plenty of times fantasizing about me sleeping an attractive woman. I don't always introduce a guy other than myself into my fantasies. And yeah I wasn't attracted at all to the woman I went to bed with (she was under 80 pounds. I do love thin, petite girls but 80 pounds is way too petite for me). But I've always wondered if it would be the same if I went to bed with a woman I was attracted to. Maybe the reality wouldn't be as hot as the fantasy. And maybe I have been desensitized to all this exposure to hardcore pornography. It's worth noting though that I don't have much sexual experience. I never went beyond third base. Still a virgin technically (I also have avoidant personality disorder). And besides, even if that woman was unattractive, there were guys in the past who did sleep with her. And lots of guys sleep with any woman that moves basically.

So I don't know. Maybe porn has really screwed with my sex drive. I also don't get spontaneous erections that frequently either despite only being 25. I'll get morning wood occassionally. But most of the time I obtain an erection through a combination of manual stimulation with mental (fantasy) or visual (ie. porn/erotica) stimulation. So the plumbing works but my physiological response may be desensitized. I don't know. Maybe I'm overthinking this. Maybe if I made out with a person that I was actually attracted to (something I've never done due to my avoidant personality. Only with a girl I wasn't attracted to), I would get a hard-on and things would flow normally. But yeah I have my doubts about my virility and think porn could have been a culprit. Or maybe low testosterone or high cortisol levels or maybe diet. I don't know. I have been thinking about quitting porn cold turkey and seeing if that would make a difference.

I have quit watching porn videos/images for almost a full week now. Though I still have that urge to masturbate regularly so I'm not giving myself much opportunity to see if the spontaneous erection thing would be more frequent without the porn (and during this past week only two of those times were the erections spontaneous. Morning wood. Other times, I just beat it off while thinking about sexy thoughts to get an erection). My libido (mental desire for sex) seems to be a lot higher than my sex drive (physiological desire for sex). That all said, I recently relapsed yesterday and today by reading erotic stories (guys who talk about how they shared their wives with black men) and masturbating to them. I did beat off to an older woman/younger man erotica story and I didn't think that was too bad because I fantasized about being the younger guy in the story. But I really gotta stop jerking off to black men having sex with white wives or fantasizing about sharing a girlfriend/wife (if I had one) with black men. And I gotta stop with porn period. It's a voyeuristic thing. It's not the same as being 1 on 1 in first-person.
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Re: Porn addiction

Postby AuroraWizard » Sat Jan 22, 2011 5:21 pm

Hello techaddict,

Firstly it is always good to air your views and thoughts because it is important to talk about what annoys you even if it is embarassing and or painful.

I am also a 25 year old guy and a lot of what you have said here resonates with me although i wouldn't say i have the same sexual/pornographical fantasies. From a young age ( 11/12 ) i was aware of pornography and with the birth of home internet when i was around this age i began to check out pornography clips, pics and erotic stories simply because i found it incredibly arousing and pleasurable. The problem was the underlying damage this was doing to my self-esteem and condfidence especially with the opposite sex. I have had real issues with intimacy with the other sex ( females ) and i am convinced that my early exposure to pornography is in some way to blame. I'll give you an example, when i see a female when i am out and about who is let's say dressed quite provocatively and is extremely attractive, in my minds eye i almost place her in a porno clip and imagine doing the same things as in those clips. what i am trying to say is pornography distorts reality and your expectations of normal sexual behaviour because it simply raises the bar of what to expect, and this is perhaps why you feel so desensitised and maybe underwhelmed when it comes to normal sexual relations. The simple fact is pornography is not real it is carefully manipulated to draw the ( mainly male ) audience in and get them hooked because all the porn stars are damn hot and that is deliberate because the male will remember how pleasurable it was to get off on such a hot girl so in order to feel like that again the guy goes back again for more and more and more until it is an addiction. Now i'm not saying your a porn addict i'm just saying it's exactly like a drug or gambling addict or even an alcoholic who needs more and more to feel satisfied but the truth is that the brain is always looking for more and more of the pleasure extracted from these things because it produces endorphins which make you feel good.

I have not watched or looked at pornography for at least 6 months now because i simply saw it for the dead end it is, a way of quick stimulation and pleasure but damaging your self-esteem and worth in the process. don't get me wrong there is times when i just want to hop on the net and masturbate over some porn star but i know how $#%^ i will feel afterwards and man i hate feeling like that because it isn't what i really need.

It is interesting that you mention avoidant personality disorder because i am very avoidant and i think this gives someone the predisposition to get hooked or interested in porn becuase they feel it will meet their needs and desires but it is an illusion it never will it will only leave you feeling more and more empty inside.

I am guessing you struggle with low self-esteem and self-worth too? because i know i do and have a really hard time loving myself never mind seeing myself in a healthy relationship. I could put a million quid sown that if you were in a healthy loving happy relationship all this would fizzle into pale insignificance and you would see the futility in it all!

The simple fact is porn is big business and like most businesses making money is the one big goal above all else. You don't see the days of filming, countless takes, HIV and STI checks, rashes and infections, genital frictions, emotional and self-esteem problems of all these porn actors because that is the unglamorous side of it all because they leave reality out of it because it destoys the illusion of this sexual scenario.

I used to love school girl porn u know girls in the classroom, pigtails, lollipops short skirts and busts hanging out of their blouses but i wouldn't worry to much about the nature of your pornography viewing it all serves the same purpose to stimulate and get you hooked. That is why there is soooooo much diversity out there when it comes to sexual pleasure and fetishes etc, i mean some people like to dress up as babies and have sex how strange is that? lol

I also wanted to touch on your mentioning of bisexuality / bicuriousness and share with you that i consider myself a straight male although i have passionately kissed and had oral sex with a male before. I am still confused from time to time about my sexuality but i never get stimulated or sexually aroused by the thought of having sex with men it is always women in my mind. Why did i have oral sex with a guy you might ask? good question the answer is probably curiosity and to figure out whether or not i was gay? i still dont really know why? I think sexual orientation is getting so blurred and there is now a huge grey area when it comes to sex now.

For example look at David Walliams ( Guy from little Britain ) he got married the other day but i always thought like most people that he was gay he certainly acts it! lol! ok this doesn't prove that you arent gay just if you get married the point i wanted to make was you can never be sure of anything nowadays..............

I hope i haven't bored you with my lengthy reply but it is a saturday afternoon and there isn't much to do where i live lol! I would like to ask you about your relationship with your parents? My parents are divorced and they split when i was 10 i never see my dad anymore although i did live with him briefly 3 or 4 years ago. Do you have a healthy loving relationship with them? I hope you don't think i'm being rude but i am convinced that a lot of my difficulties with love and intimacy stem from a very unhappy, strict and not very loving childhood with not a lot of love shown by them. This ties in with you being avoidant perhaps? It is so important that when you are young you have the opportunity to show and receive love if not when you grow up you have a tremendous difficulty with this area of life!

Keep on talking about how you feel even if it's a post on this forum don't keep it inside people understand a lot more than you think and there is always someone on this forum with ears! Try your best not to visit any porn sites either because trust me you will see your self-esteem start to develop again!

Good luck!

AuroraWizard
"We do not judge the people we love" - Jean Paul Sartre
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Re: Porn addiction

Postby techaddict » Sat Jan 22, 2011 10:56 pm

AuroraWizard wrote:I am also a 25 year old guy and a lot of what you have said here resonates with me although i wouldn't say i have the same sexual/pornographical fantasies. From a young age ( 11/12 ) i was aware of pornography and with the birth of home internet when i was around this age i began to check out pornography clips, pics and erotic stories simply because i found it incredibly arousing and pleasurable. The problem was the underlying damage this was doing to my self-esteem and condfidence especially with the opposite sex. I have had real issues with intimacy with the other sex ( females ) and i am convinced that my early exposure to pornography is in some way to blame. I'll give you an example, when i see a female when i am out and about who is let's say dressed quite provocatively and is extremely attractive, in my minds eye i almost place her in a porno clip and imagine doing the same things as in those clips. what i am trying to say is pornography distorts reality and your expectations of normal sexual behaviour because it simply raises the bar of what to expect, and this is perhaps why you feel so desensitised and maybe underwhelmed when it comes to normal sexual relations. The simple fact is pornography is not real it is carefully manipulated to draw the ( mainly male ) audience in and get them hooked because all the porn stars are damn hot and that is deliberate because the male will remember how pleasurable it was to get off on such a hot girl so in order to feel like that again the guy goes back again for more and more and more until it is an addiction. Now i'm not saying your a porn addict i'm just saying it's exactly like a drug or gambling addict or even an alcoholic who needs more and more to feel satisfied but the truth is that the brain is always looking for more and more of the pleasure extracted from these things because it produces endorphins which make you feel good.
Yeah it started watching Victoria's Secret stuff and a little bit of porn mag stuff when I was 11 and watching an old porn VHS that my uncle lent me at 12. Then I started really getting into internet porn at 14. I discovered interracial porn specifically when I was 15 and started watching that mostly from 17/18 onward I think. So by the time I went to bed with that ex at 18, having had at least 4 good years of internet porn viewing under my belt, couldn't get it up and I was absolutely floored with this given how often I masturbated. I didn't find her attractive at all but I know she had previous sexual partners. So I know that I'm at the very least desensitized to some extent.

The other day I was watching a movie with a hot female lead and she was in a short skirt, showing cleavage and showing off her sexy belly and bellybutton. And I was wondering, "how the hell am I not getting hard over this? I have a huge mental boner right now. Is it normal to not get physically aroused looking at this? Physically, she's perfection. Maybe I gotta beat it off while I'm watching her (I was in the theatre so I couldn't test this theory. lol)." I swear to you, I have never once got a spontaneous erection from looking at a woman outside porn (and often times I gotta rely on manual stimulation to go along with the porn). If I wake up in the morning (where testosterone levels are the highest) and I start fantasizing about attractive women, including those in real life, I'll get a hard-on or at least a semi. And there were a few times where I've gotten a spontaneous hard-on fantasizing about real-life women in the middle of the day. Sometimes I'm more prone to getting them at night when I'm in bed. But yeah, overall, I feel like I may be desensitized. If there's any food I can eat or anything I can do to naturally increase testosterone and blood flow to the gentials, I'll try it (I am in the process of exercising more. Maybe that'll help. I'm only slightly overweight at most but I want to lose more weight). But I have a feeling that the lower levels of virility were induced by porn and the crazier fantasies. My brain is used to the bigger highs and I'm tolerant to the lower highs. I'm a dopamine/endorphin junkie. I appreciate vanilla stuff like seeing a sexy woman in public show off her great legs, ass, boobs, etc. But in order to get hard, I gotta go fantasize about that image in my head while I masturbate.

I have not watched or looked at pornography for at least 6 months now because i simply saw it for the dead end it is, a way of quick stimulation and pleasure but damaging your self-esteem and worth in the process. don't get me wrong there is times when i just want to hop on the net and masturbate over some porn star but i know how $#%^ i will feel afterwards and man i hate feeling like that because it isn't what i really need.
My self-esteem was damaged well before I started watching porn. Porn is just an escape for me.

It is interesting that you mention avoidant personality disorder because i am very avoidant and i think this gives someone the predisposition to get hooked or interested in porn becuase they feel it will meet their needs and desires but it is an illusion it never will it will only leave you feeling more and more empty inside.
Yep. I have those desires like any other guy but being an avoidant who hasn't even bothered trying to date in 7 years, I need to be able to release that tension somehow. And the porn and the fantasies make it easy. And it reduces my motivation to actually put myself out there (and plus the whole dating world thing is like a shark tank to an avoidant with poor social skills). However deep down I rely on my addictions and distractions (not just porn/fantasy but also stuff like internet use, videogames and what not) to distract me from loneliness. I've become quite adept at distracting myself from loneliness. Sure I could get a really big high out of these fantasies. And it fulfills my physiological need. Maybe that's why my sex drive is much lower than my mental drive, my libido. Because I've desensitized my physiological system so much. But my mind is starving for a real physical connection with a woman I can trust (and hopefully love). As an avoidant, I don't trust many people so that's hard. There is a mental sexual frustration there. The physiological need is met. But there is a mental emptiness there after the build up and orgasm is over.

I am guessing you struggle with low self-esteem and self-worth too? because i know i do and have a really hard time loving myself never mind seeing myself in a healthy relationship. I could put a million quid sown that if you were in a healthy loving happy relationship all this would fizzle into pale insignificance and you would see the futility in it all!
Yep I definitely have low self-esteem. My self-esteem has improved a lot as of late but I still have a long way to go. As for the happy loving relationship thing, that's the main reason why I want to get rid of the porn and the more kinky fantasies. I can't go without at least masturbating and fantasizing about sleeping with a woman. But I want to let go of the porn and the voyeuristic (black men with white women) and extra kinky fantasies. If I meet that special woman, I want to be able to know that I could get a hard-on with her making out and stay hard without having to pop a Cialis or Viagra, introduce a kinky element all the time or (worse) bringing a black guy to the bedroom. lol. I wouldn't want to ruin an opportunity for a rewarding long-term relationship. Though I'd like to imagine that the porn and the crazy fetishes would stop if I were in that relationship. But it might take me awhile to desensitize myself and reprogram my brain to get the desired physiological response from her. Porn-induced impotence is apparently quite common and I've seen people online report success after some weeks abstaining from porn or weaning off it. Some say that moderating masturbation in conjuction with abstaining from porn also helps. I'm not impotent, it's clear the plumbing works. But I have a feeling that my virility is low for 25.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe my situation on the physiological end is normal and it's jus that society wrongly perpetuates this myth that young guys are these horny beasts who will bang anything that moves on command. I also must stress again my relative inexperience with sexual relationships. I have made out and fooled around (oral included) with one girl and she was like under 80 pounds (legal age of course, just really tiny) and I was never attracted to her. The experience was completely underwhelming. Cute face but her body looked like a little girl's almost. I do n't masturbate to girls that look like that.There was absolutely nothing about her appearance that made me see her in a sensual manner. And this is coming from a guy that loves petite girls (don't necessarily prefer them, but I love em). Like I said, I don't mind the petite chicks but there's a limit to that. I've jerked off to chicks that were were pretty short and petite. Softcore model Bryci is like 4'11" and she was hot even before her boob job. And there are other petite pornstars and girls I could point out to in real life that I'd place in the "yeah I'd hit it" category. One of my favourite fantasy types: A petite woman with a beautiful cute smile, showing off her cute little firm ass and sexy legs in short shorts. But after a certain threshold in petiteness or cuteness, a woman looks like a child and I don't get off on that.

I don't know what it's like to make out with a girl that makes me say "yeah I'd hit it" when I look at her. And being an avoidant, it's kinda hard to make that a reality. lol. If only I had a single attractive female friend that was willing to help me out. lol.To give me a chance to understand more about my sexuality. Unless it's morning, I find it really difficult just to get hard thinking about a woman in bed. I need the manual stimulation to go along with it. But maybe if it's an attractive chick in the flesh, things will fall in place. I don't know. lol. Maybe if I actually bothered talking to girls and make female friends, that thing would be a possibility. I'm not desperate to "get laid". But I think a hook up with someone I considered "safe" (trustworthy, not a *****) may answer some fundamental questions.

I used to love school girl porn u know girls in the classroom, pigtails, lollipops short skirts and busts hanging out of their blouses but i wouldn't worry to much about the nature of your pornography viewing it all serves the same purpose to stimulate and get you hooked. That is why there is soooooo much diversity out there when it comes to sexual pleasure and fetishes etc, i mean some people like to dress up as babies and have sex how strange is that? lol
Yeah I guess the nature of the kink itself doesn't matter to much. What matters is the addiction to these kinks. The other day my sister found a few files of interracial amateur porn on my hard drive and I was mortified. She didn't say anything but being an avoidant, you can imagine that I was worried about the possibility of what was going on in her head. Did she think I was mentally f'd up? Did she think I was a closet homosexual? Bisexual? I was very ashamed of her knowing about that fetish. If it was regular un-themed 1 on 1 vanilla porn (or even something like a bj or anal theme or something not too "out there" for people to understand), I wouldn't have freaked out so much. After all, it probably would seem pretty weird that a white guy would beat off to black men sleeping with white wives.

There are more extreme fetishes out there though. Admittedly, I've masturbated to incest erotica (mother/son, father/daughter, siblings, cousins), to beastiality erotica (ie. seeing women on the internet talk about their experience with a dog or a horse. No interest in videos/pics. I just get excited at the thought of women who actually do this.), to anime porn (hentai, including hentai games. I have a big anime girl fetish). I rarely look at the incest or beastiality erotica though. Though I have played a lot of hentai games. But my main kink is black men having sex with white women. The older woman fantasy is probably my 2nd kink and it's one I really want to act out in real life but I get intimidated by older women given my relative immaturity compared to them and I'm not like those masculine young guys they hook up with on sexual encounter sites and amateur porn (If I acted it out, I'd ideally want to have sex with an unattached MILF in her 30s. Maybe 40s and 50s if she's still hot at that age. Though doesn't have to be a mom. It just adds that extra kick. And can be married if it's an open relationship or the husband is a total d-bag that deserves it. My mom's friends are all quite old and my sister thinks I'm crazy whenever I ask her if she has any friends around her age that would be open to showing a shy young 25 year old the ropes. So yeah, lol) . Though the older woman fantasy isn't extreme. And I also have the other standard non-extreme fetishes (high heels, painted toenails, lingerie, stockings, leg worship, schoolgirl outfit, etc.)

I also wanted to touch on your mentioning of bisexuality / bicuriousness and share with you that i consider myself a straight male although i have passionately kissed and had oral sex with a male before. I am still confused from time to time about my sexuality but i never get stimulated or sexually aroused by the thought of having sex with men it is always women in my mind. Why did i have oral sex with a guy you might ask? good question the answer is probably curiosity and to figure out whether or not i was gay? i still dont really know why? I think sexual orientation is getting so blurred and there is now a huge grey area when it comes to sex now.

For example look at David Walliams ( Guy from little Britain ) he got married the other day but i always thought like most people that he was gay he certainly acts it! lol! ok this doesn't prove that you arent gay just if you get married the point i wanted to make was you can never be sure of anything nowadays..............
Honestly I think the sexual orientation thing is like a spectrum. And it's more blurred than people like to admit. I wouldn't be interested in a relationship with a guy or anything like that. I've also tried looking at gay porn (featuring black guys as well) to see if I'd get turned on but it didn't do anything for me. But if I was attracted to a guy and he came on to me or I knew he was gay/bi, I think I'd be open to kissing and oral sex. I did fantasize about a homosexual experience earlier this morning (some random white dude though. But he was bigger and more "masculine" than me. lol) though frequently within that fantasy I'd kind of picture myself as a hot chick doing the kissing and performing oral sex. I'm not really into the male/male imagery. As an avoidant male who has been picked on all the way until the end of highschool and has insecurities about his masculinity, I think I kinda have this wish I was born a woman instead. Thinking that things would have been easier if I was a chick and didn't have to live up to all of these expectations society has of me as a male (no the sex change thing is out of the question! lol Though I have this fantasy of taking this magic pill that transformed me into a hot chick within a 48 hour period, going out and having lots of sex with guys picked up from bars and clubs, esp. large, muscular well-endowed black guys, and having a girl/girl experience. And then turning back to normal as a male after that 48 hour period.)

I hope i haven't bored you with my lengthy reply but it is a saturday afternoon and there isn't much to do where i live lol! I would like to ask you about your relationship with your parents? My parents are divorced and they split when i was 10 i never see my dad anymore although i did live with him briefly 3 or 4 years ago. Do you have a healthy loving relationship with them? I hope you don't think i'm being rude but i am convinced that a lot of my difficulties with love and intimacy stem from a very unhappy, strict and not very loving childhood with not a lot of love shown by them. This ties in with you being avoidant perhaps? It is so important that when you are young you have the opportunity to show and receive love if not when you grow up you have a tremendous difficulty with this area of life!
My father is an authoritarian type of personality and emotionally distant (to both the kids and our mom). And no, he's not one of those uber-masculine guys I've fantasized about. He's one of those Napoleon Complex d-bags if anything. I look at my father as a beta male (though a beta male that actually managed to trick my mother into reproducing with him). And I have a resentment towards my mother for sticking with him and being the loyal, devout Catholic wife. For years he would threaten to leave her and the kids if she didn't put out for him on command and she was afraid that she'd go to hell if she did that and that no men would want her so she let this go on and just played the role of the dutiful wife. She should have cuckolded him (with a guy that she actually wanted to have sex with), taken his house, taken the kids and remarried with a new man. Maybe that's why I get a kick out of the whole black man screwing white wives thing (often times in the videos the husband watches but I don't always watch those). Maybe it's about wanting to see my father be humiliated. Maybe that's part of the reason. Ever since my dad couldn't get it up anymore (my mom really let herself go after she was pregnant with me. It was around that time), my mom has stood up to him a lot more, loses her temper with him frequently and calls him out on his crap a lot more often. Though he still very much calls the shots.

My mom on the other hand was always very overprotective. Very loving but she never really allowed me much independence. She's too smothering, too mothering. She wants me to be her eternal Mama's Boy but I keep pushing her away because I hate it when she mothers me so damn much. You know being 25, I need my space. We don't like our moms being that attached to us and would prefer to get that affection elsewhere (girlfriend). I sometimes wonder if she has some sort of incestuous obsession with me (she also often comments that I'm handsome and with her smothering me so much and hating my father with a passion, it's like I'm a replacement for her husband) My dad is even jealous of me (because I get all this affection while he is cut off) as well. And no before you even think about it, I never had any Freudian/Oedipeus Complex desire for my mother. Though I tend to like sweet, maternal girls and usually feel attachment to women who are broken or have troubled pasts.

Keep on talking about how you feel even if it's a post on this forum don't keep it inside people understand a lot more than you think and there is always someone on this forum with ears! Try your best not to visit any porn sites either because trust me you will see your self-esteem start to develop again!

Good luck!

AuroraWizard
Yeah it's been at least six days since I saw porn videos and pics. But yeah even the lit erotica stuff is probably not healthy for me. I have wondered also if I should cut down on masturbation as well. Because it gets me used to the pattern where I manually stimulate myself in order to get an erection rather than let the erections happen spontaneously. I had morning wood today but it was more like a semi. I had to stimulate myself a bit in order to get a full erection (that's likely normal I'd imagine though but often times I have to stimulate myself a lot to get to that point). It was more full than usual though today because I had fantasized about a guy, which was novel for me since I almost always fantasize about women during my "alone time". That had me worried that fantasizing about a guy (or fantasizing about being a woman with a guy) would desensitize my regular having sex with a woman fantasy (I try not to include anything more than intercourse and oral sex in that standard fantasy. Though sometimes I'll think about sharing my dream woman with well-endowed black guys and I'm telling myself that I have to stop because this would probably ruin normal sex for me but the fantasy is so hot and the session is so intense that it's hard to stop. There are times where I'm sweating profusely and my heart rate is going.)
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Re: Porn addiction

Postby LonerAcademic » Sat Jan 29, 2011 4:40 am

I have a very similar experience to yours. As I mentioned in my reply to your previous thread:

schizoid-personality/topic57834-10.html#p433525

I had a total of 3 girlfriends in my life. I am a self-diagnosed aspie. Since I had been in a couple for only a total of a few months in my life, my sex life has been masturbation. Since I am older than you, I only discovered the internet when I was in my mid-twenties (about 2 years before I had my 1st girlfriend). Before that, I used nudity on TV, a few magazines… very normal stuff… Since the time I discovered the internet, I consumed pornography on a regular basis. It was never an addiction. I never skipped meals or work or sleep because of it (sometimes I’ve gone to sleep very late because of it :) ) However, it is always a very intense experience. A “session” usually lasts like 3, 4, 5, 6 hours and it is extremely pleasurable. It is one of the best parts of my life :) . I don’t think I have a particular fetish, but more like the usual stuff… In contrast, let me now tell you about my experience with my 3 girlfriends.

My 1st girlfriend was above average looking. But I was never able to get an erection long enough to orgasm inside of her. But I don’t think she cared that much about that. I was not in love with her and I was missing my freedom, so our relationship ended a couple of months after it started. My 2nd girlfriend seemed to avoid sex, so all I was able to do with her is to caress her. I was not in love with her and I was missing my freedom, so our relationship ended a couple of months after it started. My 3rd girlfriend was very attractive (she used to do modelling). Before we had our first sexual experience together, I was feeling a little stressed because I knew that my erection had been problematic with my 1st girlfriend. I have to note that I had completely stopped masturbation and porn as soon as we started dating, to build sexual desire and energy. Then, the first time we tried to have sex, my erection was very weak and we couldn’t get far. We were both very upset (understandably so) as my condition did not improve with time (a few weeks). Like I said, I had not masturbated or consumed porn for weeks and she was a very hot chick. So what was happening was really bizarre. Maybe I am not used to having sex with a women, or maybe I was so stressed an anxious that I was not getting a durable erection. Although she was very attractive and very smart, I was not in love with her (again). I found her a little too neurotic and a little too snobbish for my taste. But I dated her anyway because she had incredible looks (and we had some chemistry and she was nice to me), and that gave me a huge ego boost. Maybe I am not able to have sex unless I am in love?

Then, we decided that I should go and see an urologist for my erection problem. The urologist didn’t find anything physically wrong with me. He asked me a few questions, and when I told him I didn’t have much sex experience and was starting a relationship, he had a big smile and said it was probably anxiety and he gave me Viagra pills as samples for me to take before sex. So I went to my girlfriend and I took the pill and had a good erection and we had normal sex. However, the experience was underwhelming for me. I was getting tired and almost bored and my pleasure was much less than when I masturbate. I could not reach orgasm. When I masturbate, my hand has a much tighter grip and I have a lot more visual stimulation (hundreds of pictures, cams, videos, etc… ) We had a few more mediocre intercourse sessions (I think she was not enjoying it either, due to my lack of sexual drive) and since I was not in love with her and I was missing my freedom, our relationship ended a couple of months after it started (again). After we broke up, I allowed myself to go back to porn and I was happy and relieved. It is ironic that during my relationship with a hot chick I was sexually frustrated! Only after I broke up with her that I went back to self-sex with hunger as if being with her was like having gone to a monastery!

My conclusion from this relationship was that I prefer to masturbate on the web, rather than sleep with a hot woman! So after that, I never pursued a woman only for sex, and I never gone to an escort for sex, in spite of being able to afford it. The only thing that makes me not (yet) conclude that I have no use for women, is love. Maybe if I was in love, sex would be very different. Or I would just be happy to be with her, even if the sex is mediocre. And when I say love, I mean true love with a capital L. But am I capable of love? To find out I guess I need to pursue women that I suspect I could fall in love with… Before my 1st girlfriend, I thought that I just needed a nice, decent looking girl. But now I know that this will not do. Even a hot chick that I’m not in love with, will not do. But as I said in the reply to your previous thread, I don’t know what being with a loved woman feels like. Maybe because of my aspie nature, my freedom and internal world is superior to any woman. I just don’t know!

You mentioned in another thread that you were diagnosed as an aspie as a child? If this is the case, then maybe you shouldn’t consider yourself as just an AvPD? I mean AvPD are neurotypicals with a personality disorder… but aspies have a different wiring of their brains? I think I have traits of AvPD, schizoid, obsessive-compulsive, but these are probably a normal consequence of being an aspie. You focus on your shortcomings (which is understandable because you are trying to improve). But being an aspie has also advantages that should not be neglected (rich internal world, special sensations, etc.) Are you aware of these? Another question: Do you feel like you want to have kids at some point?

At this point in time, you seem to be at the point where I was after my 1st relationship. You know you can’t have sex with a girl that is not sexy. The next step is to figure out if (unlike me) you are able to have orgasm with a hot chick. Or maybe because we are aspies, no woman can rival our hand and computer tag team :) In any case, the next time you try to have sex with a woman, I recommend you take a Viagra pill beforehand. This will guarantee you will have a solid erection and you will therefore feel less anxiety about it. You don’t want anxiety and a failing erection to ruin what could be the start of a promising love story. The only downside is that Viagra costs $. But you could skip desert when you invite her to dinner and use the $ for the viagra. There is one website that is officially licenced to prescribe Viagra after an online consultation with doctor (you just fill a form) and then they mail you the pills.

I am not sure about this whole notion of “desensitization” caused by porn. I mean I have been looking at naked pictures for like 30 years, yet I am still aroused by the same type of things. I don’t feel like I need more extreme stuff to be able to orgasm. So I question the parallel between porn and drugs. I just seem to be less sensitive to touch (woman) than I am to viewing (pics, videos). Also, I don’t quite understand what AuroraWizard said about how self-esteem can be damaged by porn. In any case, if you are corresponding with a woman and you feel you are getting close to being in bed with her, I recommend you stop porn and masturbation completely. Then you will have the maximum libido energy when you get in bed with her (in addition to Viagra).

Concerning your online porn activities, you might try to spend time in the sex cam websites (livejasmin, flirt4free, privatefeeds, streamate, etc). There, you get to watch live amateurs and chat with them for free. This would allow you to chat with the amateurs and therefore practice being on a date… This will make the experience more human and real life than just watching a porn video, where the actors are just sex objects. That might progressively bridge the gap between a purely abstract porn experience to a more human and real life dating context. The amateurs always end up naked in the free session at some point, you just don’t know when… which provides a nice tease… After that, the next step might be to do sexy cam with normal people (like on chatroulette website, or others more specialised in mating) to further move from classic porn to more relationship based sexy fun. You could use a kind of Zorro mask to avoid being recognized in case your cam image is being saved into a file… :)
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Re: Porn addiction

Postby techaddict » Sun Jan 30, 2011 1:43 am

LonerAcademic:
I have no interest in trying Viagra, Cialis or any of that stuff. Yes that stuff will give you the erection you need (Cialis is especially good and long lasting I hear. But even more expensive). But apparently prolonged use of those products can cause a person to be dependent on those drugs for an erection and I've even heard that after using it for awhile, Viagra (and perhaps Cialis too) can sometimes stop working. I'd rather not mess with those pills.

In your case, your doctor said that anxiety may have been the probable cause of erection problems. With me, I don't have enough experience to really tell at this point. Like I said, I went to bed with a woman that I wasn't attracted to at all. And honestly I don't think my hormones are that picky. I've jerked off to girls with unattractive faces so as long as they were doing nasty things in the video (even if she didn't have nice breasts, hips, ass, etc. Though those things really help. As well as stocking, garter belts, etc). And the other day I came across a woman (profile pic from a dating site) with a face that I guess you could say was unattractive but she had this sensuality glowing from her face (especially her eyes) so I whipped it out and started masturbating. Whatever hits that switch in my brain will do. There are plenty of models and bimbos out there that do nothing for me at all. So it's not like I go for the model type. And I don't like Barbie doll type girls. I wouldn't want anything to do with that neurotic, snobby former model ex-girlfriend of yours. I find that kind of personality to be a turn off. I did have some anxiety with that ex (ie. "why am I not getting hard from making out, oh ****" and then that's basically all you think about after) and I overthought a lot of things (I was so concentrated on the end goal of "getting laid" so that I can brag to my friends and be the "cool" geek of my social circle that it wasn't about me enjoying myself. When I watch porn or fantasize, it's about me enjoying myself and being focused on the chick or how much of a slutty ***** in heat that chick is and on how good the stimulation feels. It's about an animalistic, primal desire. I had none of that with the ex). So yeah maybe anxiety and thinking too much played a factor. Though I'm not even sure she would have made me hard anyway. I never found her sexy. I don't know how guys do it (have sex with women they don't find attractive).

There could be a physical origin though. I don't know. There are things I could do (like I said) to increase my virility as well that I'm not doing. With me, I don't get fully erect automatically. If I want a full rock hard erection, I require some manual stimulation prior. Mental and visual stimulation isn't enough. Though that could just be normal. The truth is, my exposure to sex is pretty much through porn so I don't really have a concept of what's normal. Yesterday evening I was kinda frisky (I don't usually get this excited in the evenings. It's usually the mornings) when fantasizing about this older woman in another department at work (I think she could be in her 50s. But she's the type that takes great care of her appearance and looks young for her age. She has this wonderful air of sensuality about her that I find alluring). I even grabbed my pillow and started kissing and groping (rofl) with my eyes closed imaging that I was doing those things with this woman and I got it up in no time and it was hard but not fully hard (It was sufficient for penetration I believe though. I guess maybe I was just dissapointed that my penis wasn't at it's maximum size. lol). It wasn't until I started with the manual stimulation and really getting into it mentally that I got fully hard. It was an intense fantasy and I felt dissapointed that I couldn't delay cumming. lol.I greedily passed the point of no return. The "older woman fantasy" is a big thing of mine but that seems like a pipe dream. lol. I'm not mature (hell I live with my parents), I'm not capable of being that alpha male boytoy that cougars crave. And even if some were interested in a hook up, being an avoidant, I have trust issues so casual sex would only really work for me if I felt comfortable with the person.

I am such a sexually frustrated individual (though I'm also starved for affection too. There's an emotional void as well). lol. I'm actually a pretty handsome guy I think (though I get the impression that cougars want a man who is virile as well as ripped, muscular, very handsome and with a big penis) but my poor social skills, low self-esteem, low social status and my social anxiety have shut me out of opportunities. I probably would have more success generating interest from gay/bi guys than women (because the guys would probably think I'm cute/sexy but for women, social status makers play a big role in attraction apparently) but I don't think making out with a guy and blowing a guy (and him blowing me) would improve my self-esteem one iota at all (nor would anal sex but I'm not interested in that anyway because it would hurt like hell. lol). It might feel good (I would hope that a good blowjob would feel better than my right hand. Though my right hand is pretty good. lol) and it would be interesting to explore an uncharted territory of my sexuality. Though if I had a sexual encounter with a woman that I was comfortable with and could trust, I think it would help my self-esteem. I kinda already expect that I'd be popular with gay/bi guys (so I wouldn't feel any more desired from an encounter with them) and word getting out about my potential bicuriosity/bisexuality and transgenderedness (my occassional fantasies of wishing I were this hot inhibited brunette chick that would just go up to guys and seduce them. Very different from the timid male that I am. lol) would only lower my social status and some of my friends, acquaintances and extended family would disown me (I think my parents and stereotypical conservative older brother would be a bit dissapointed. That's about it.) My best friend is a really religious Christian. I'm not sure if he'd take a "I'll pray for you, God will forgive you" approach or a "stay away from me" approach if he knew.
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Re: Porn addiction

Postby feedtherightwolf » Sat Feb 05, 2011 10:08 am

I'll be brief.

Sounds like you are addicted, I am glad that you recognize that. And good luck to you!
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Re: Porn addiction

Postby SamD » Fri Feb 18, 2011 5:56 pm

If you can control or even stop masturbating for a few weeks, then your porn addiction will stop too.
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Re: Porn addiction

Postby jerry.espenson » Sat Feb 19, 2011 5:14 am

Quitting porn addiction needs lots of patience and effort.

I managed to quit after lots of trials and errors.

http://quitporn.net is a good resource you can check.
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Re: Porn addiction

Postby Yaymayorbee » Thu Mar 17, 2011 5:29 am

Pornography in short is sexual fantasies. We seek out to see what we wish we could be acted out by others.

You said you like interracial alpha males types. Are you, yourself a more submissive male? I would bet so. These men are what you identify as being the most alpha (large black men)

Finding a more submissive female may allow you to be more alpha and break what you want into what have. As long as it is a consensual arrangement between you and her, I find nothing wrong with it.
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Re: Porn addiction

Postby HopeAndDespair » Tue Mar 29, 2011 4:39 am

jerry.espenson wrote:Quitting porn addiction needs lots of patience and effort.

I managed to quit after lots of trials and errors.

http://quitporn.net is a good resource you can check.


I'm 2 days in to abstinence from porn. . . I just browsed around quitporn.net and I agree, there are a lot of really interesting articles on there. Thanks for the resource.
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