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My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleeping

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My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleeping

Postby tschreib1 » Fri Oct 29, 2010 12:22 pm

I dealt with this for awhile but finally said something. It keeps me awake at night and sometimes goes on for hours. When I brought it up he was hurt AND denied it! Said he was hurt that I think he does that. I'm not crazy, I KNOW he does it. Could he be asleep? I don't think so, I know when he falls asleep, sometimes his snoring wakes him up and then he picks up where he left off. I've pretended to "wake up" and move closer to him hoping he will stop, all he does is turn over and move away from me and continues on. I've told him this bothers me immensely but he denies even doing it. He has admitted to being an SA and other horrible things he's done but won't admit to this. When everything came out about his "acting out" and I brought this up as well he didn't do it for weeks, I slept great but now he has started again. How am I to deal with this when he won't even acknowledge the problem? Not sure why this bothers him so much when he has admitted to paying for and having sex with a 17 yo (he's 40). What really bothered him was when I told him about an incident that happened shortly before finding out about all this, he got himself hard lying next to me (thinking I was sleeping I guess) and then moved next to me and put it against my back, he then put his hand down my pajama bottoms, I moved (hoping we were going to have sex) and he stopped moving totally (like he was waiting for me to go back to sleep) I didn't move again but he ended up moving away and continued on his own. He said he had no recollection of this and couldn't believe I was suggesting he may "get off" more if I were sleeping. I'm NOT crazy, I stated the facts and he tried turning it around on me. Why would he admit to everything else and yet fight me on this? I don't know what else to do. It bothers me on so many levels!
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Re: My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleeping

Postby romoto » Fri Oct 29, 2010 2:05 pm

Just a guess, but maybe he has some sort of fantasy going on about getting caught,. If you want to confront him and know he is dong it just say something while he is, then he can't deny it.
When I was married, I would masturbate while my wife slept, couple of times she said feel better now LoL. We had a good sex life and I just did that because I did not want to wake her up. There also was a bit of excitement masturbating while someone is sleeping beside you.
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Re: My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleeping

Postby manic666 » Fri Oct 29, 2010 6:01 pm

If i was pulling the snake next to my wife, i would be picking teeth of the floor. ###$ me whats wrong with you, thats like saying this is better than your gear box baby. To her it would be an insult, fair inough if its a sex game togeather before you get down to it, or a crafty wank when on your own. But to masterbate at the side as she is lay there ,she would no your fantasizeing about someone else , lets face it if it was her you were thinking about you wouldnt be wanking, you would say come on baby lets get it on. jjjjjjjjjjesus i carnt get my breath with this
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Re: My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleeping

Postby AliceWonders » Fri Oct 29, 2010 9:04 pm

I'm sorry but I really don't see anything wrong with a man pleasuring himself in the middle of the night- even IF the wife's in bed, but that's just me....

This could go one of a few ways in my mind:

Option 1-
Make a big stink about it and have him deny, deny, deny & you'll never know what's really going in his head.

Option 2-
If you think he wants you to stay asleep, pretend to be sleeping and see what he does?
Then you can either
a) Jump around and scare the pants of him bellowing "SEE I TOLD YOU SO!" :lol: (sorry that ones kinda funny) :lol:
b)wait for him to finsh and give him hell for jizzing on the bed or your back & tell him to "NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!"
c)let him do his thing and know he's not hurting anybody by pleasuring himself...

Option 3-
If you catch him doing it again, reach over and help him out a bit. NO! :!: I'M SERIOUS!!!! :!:
With your hand or your mouth, help him get off.
When you've finished (or he's finished I guess you could say) turn to him and playfully ask, "So what was that all about anyways? You do realize you could have woken me up for a bit of fun- right?"
And LISTEN to what he has to say!!!

Honestly, some men have a fetish for women who are sleeping, maybe that's it? Maybe despite every thing he's done in the past, he still feels sexually interested in you and he's affraid you're gonna turn him away for his mistakes?

The only way you're gonna know is IF you take the time to ask him nicely. He's obviously not gonna just admit it- so catch him in act (preferably playfully as it will make more fun for him and yourself to roll around a bit before you get to the bottom of it all) and once he's 'relaxed' he\ll be much more receptive to chatting when he sees you know about it and you're OK with it.

he's denying it because you think it's dirty- take the stigma off it and you'll get an answer- GARENTEED!!!!! :D

Good luck
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth~Oscar Wilde

Ideologies separate us. Dreams and anguish bring us together~Eugene Ionesco

Once you chose hope anything is possible~ Christopher Reeves
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Re: My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleeping

Postby morganlefae » Thu Nov 11, 2010 4:50 pm

Personally I would roll over and ask to help, in anyway possible and enjoy it. I or start masturbating myself.
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Re: My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleeping

Postby N0NickRick » Thu Nov 11, 2010 6:17 pm

Here are a few things to consider:

Does your boyfriend take any meds that tight cause him to 'act out' in his sleep?

Could he be denying his masturbation because he is using it as a means of self harm?

You mentioned you had told him something once and he later attempted sex with you. Perhaps he has a festish along those lines?

Yeah the 'slpeeping partner' thing is plausable but it sounds more like a necrophilia fetish to me. You could aways make up a 'one time I wanted to' on any topic and see what arrouses him. It could be his desires are so dark he doesnt want to believe them himself.
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Re: My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleeping

Postby snowytiger » Fri Nov 12, 2010 1:16 am

I know how you feel. When I was little I was afraid to sleep alone, so I often slept with one of my parents (they are separated). And my dad musturbated laying next to me, thinking I was asleep. I've noticed him do it several times, like on vacation when we shared rooms. I think he has passed that onto me, becuase I've done it too. I've gotton caught when I've shared room with poeple. So embarrassing.

My exboyfriend did it too and I hated it. It reminded me of my dad and it felt awful. I just hated the feeling of the bed vibrating becuase someone isn't laying still. I just told him to stop as soon as he started. I don't understand why poeple do it. And why I'v e done it when I've been in the same room with differnt poeple. I guess I thought it was normal becuase my dad did it. But I'm not sure it is normal. Is it so important to masturbate that you can do it next to your partner or evan with your child? Nomadays I only do it when my currant boyrfriend turns down sex and I'm really horny. But I prefer not to becuase I feel just as gross as my dad and my ex, and I usually ask my boyfriend is it's ok and he's never said no, it doens't bother him the same way it bothers me.

My advice is anyway that if he does it, just tell him to stop right away. He already knows you don't like it so he'll probably listen. It's worth a try I think. You shouldn't have to feel that uncomfrotable in your own bed. You could also ask him to leave the room, if it's so important to masturbate, then he can do it in another room where he won't bother you.
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Re: My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleeping

Postby ciqala » Fri Nov 12, 2010 7:57 am

it's probably thrilling for him to do so.
i'm kind of iffy of the advice stating to interrupt him or help him get off, because it might ruin his fetish, if that's what it is.
i guess for me, i'd probably get off just knowing he was doing it, thus i wouldn't do anything to stop him. But if he has a fetish for masturbating in front of you while you sleep, i can see that on his side, it might be annoying as hell to be interrupted, and probably to get into sex as well. if that's the case, he might be denying it because it interfered with his fantasy, and he knows you won't go along with it.

it's not a necrophilia fetish, that's all about dead people, not sleeping people.i know because im into necrophilia, and sleeping people do NOT cut it.
there is a certain fetish for sleeping and/or unconscious people though. that also doesn't really make sense, because usually with that type of fetish, people are thrilled in doing things to the sleeping person, but i dont know, maybe he's just into masturbation over other things.
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Re: My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleeping

Postby manic666 » Fri Nov 12, 2010 10:08 am

Yes the post above makes soom cool points, If he wanted you to jion in he would ask. This is his bag , ###$ knows what he gets from doing it at the side of you when he thinks your asleep.I suppose lots of married an guys with partners jerk ofF to porn when on there own , but this is kinda weird. Some women may even deem it unfaithfull, i meen he is proablably thinking of another girl or guy while he is pulling the sword. My wife is cool with most things but she smack me in the face for this one.
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Re: My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleeping

Postby Blue4u » Sun Jan 09, 2011 6:26 pm

I swear I could have written the original post and although I don't wish this situation on anyone it is at the least comforting to get reassurance that in fact I am not crazy. Even though my BF has accused me of lying, being a mental case and threatened to leave me for bringing the topic to his attention. It started about 2 weeks ago, and since these masturbatory sessions some new things have put up red flags for me, for example; He hasn't worked longer than a few weeks thru out our entire relationship but he recently got a security job that had him working only on new years eve and last night at a local meat market club downtown till 3am. But hasn't been paid even though that was main reason for working new years eve and not spending it with me. I fear he has lost intrest or suspects me of wrong doing (i dont even talk to my friends or go out anymore) and therefor has turned his emotions towards me off. I also tried to engage him while he was pretending to be asleep with masturbating and he rolled over and continued...At one point I was able to sneak a peek and his eyes were open which he quickly closed. It's scares me to think he has the nerve try to convince me out of what I saw with my own eyes!
This, plus his lack of any kind of genuine emotion has left me feeling scared, disengaged and lonely wondering what to do. I am an attractive woman (I hate saying that because I don't feel it) and could have the pick of crop but I am whole heartedly in love with my boyfriend and I can't picture myself with anyone else. I hate accusing him of anything but with what I have to work with things are looking bleak for me. I am left with an awful gut feeling that haunts me thru out the day and he offers no reassurance to ease my mind. In my heart he was the man I wanted to settle down with (we both are in our 30s) after a 7 year failed marriage to an emotionally abusive man. But yet, Here I am feeling low, unattractive, and worthless, wondering what i have done to end up taking the back seat to my lovers right hand?
In no way shape or form do I claim perfection but I am a good woman who is loyal and deticated, I deserve to be treated with respect!
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