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My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleeping

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Re: My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleep

Postby AlexJ » Wed Aug 17, 2011 12:26 am

all I can say is if you dont give it to him, he'll eventually look for another way or even possibly someone else to please him. think about it.

Some women complain that their man wants too much so they dont give him and when they start looking for another means or even someone else, they start crying cheating. Its really one thing or the other. Would you prefer he cheat on you or just make him happy?
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Re: My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleep

Postby babygirl 86 » Wed Aug 17, 2011 7:18 am

tschreib1
holly molly. sorry to hear that this gos on in your bed at night. it would make you think and wonder so much and have a racing mind just thinking about it. i hope you sore these ishuse out soon and are no longer a problem. i would say he may just be asleep why doing this. like sleep walkers they walk with eyes open. or he just needs the right help or likes his fantaceys to much. i dont see why men cant look at porn but with in an apropriet amount. well good luck people.
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Re: My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleep

Postby AlexJ » Wed Aug 17, 2011 1:37 pm

^when they cant seem to control it anymore, thats when you know they suffer from unwanted sexual behaviors (porn addiction). In his case, he is.
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Re: My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleep

Postby simonstokes45 » Sat Aug 20, 2011 7:39 am

There are some good points here but you wont really know what is going on unless you ask him. As some have said, he might just find it a thrill as many men and women do, or he may have some fantasy going on he cant talk to you about and has to enjoy on his own.
My wife and I have both masturbated with the other asleep or thinking there were, but maybe we are lucky we are so open. we have a good sex life but masturbation is just a much a part of it whether alone in private or together or when the other is asleep and you dont want to disturb them getting out of bed.
Mine dates back to childhood, like another poster here. we had a small house and dad worked away so i would sleep in my mums bed during the week and she would masturbate pretty much every night he was away and I guess i came to accept it. She would always wait until she thought i was asleep and most times i was, but sometimes her movement would wake me and i would have to lie perfectly still hoping she wouldnt realise I was awake. It started before i new about sex or even what she was doing so maybe for me I just acepted it and felt that doing it myself was ok too.
You need to choose your time and talk to him, maybe its something he can share or even something you can help with, but do try and get to the bottom of it as it is clearly getting to you which isnt good for your relationship.
Good luck.
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Re: My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleep

Postby romoto » Sat Aug 20, 2011 8:35 pm

I don't see any problem with it, I did when i was married and my wife ok with it, she did to. If your in the mood and your partner is asleep they may not want to be disturbed so go for it.

Damn not like its illegal LOL
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Re: My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleep

Postby dsfan » Sat Aug 20, 2011 11:24 pm

Well... Its not just guys doing it, I did a search on Google for girlfriend masturbates while sleeping, and this popped up.

Over the past couple months, ive been spending the night with my gf more and more. A couple of times, I could have swore she was masturbating, but chalked it upto me dreaming or something.

She is a very sexually charged girl. Gets 3 orgasms in 10 minutes during sex, so shes definitely not missing out on anything, however...

3 times in the past 2 weeks ive caught her, twice we had sex that night too. She denies it, and I do believe her, because the one time I made a noise and rolled over so she knew that I was awake, but she kept going. After she got off twice I had enough, told her to bleep right off im trying to sleep... She did. When I confronted her about it, she denied it ever even happening and thought I was joking.

Not sure what to do, ive told her not only does it upset me because it makes me feel inadequate (we generally have sex once a day all she has to do is ask or make a hint if she wants more), but the main reason is im trying to sleep, and having a vibrating bed and moaning woman is counter productive to that.

Im really seeking some advice here, we are happy together I know that for a fact, what can I do, I seriously think im going to start screaming at her if it happens again really soon.
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Re: My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleep

Postby usid10t » Thu Nov 03, 2011 3:49 am

I'm going to be straight forward and to the point: he is a somnophiliac (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somnophilia). This is _definitely_ not a necrophilia issue, as one mentioned. He is turned on by your sleeping presence. It is a "danger" thing--a danger of being caught without wanting to be. You actually might think about doing some more research on the subject... maybe even entice him by saying something like, "I think it would be hot if you snuck up on me while I'm sleeping." You never know: it might work.
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Re: My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleep

Postby 011085 » Tue Jan 17, 2012 10:50 am

PLEASE HELP!! I found this website this morning and I am desperate for some advice/guidance... I don't want to embarrass my husband so i can't ask family or friends for advice. We have been married for just over a year and we have been together for about 7 years. We have an amazing sex life and wonderful marriage. I'm usually a very very deep sleeper NOTHING wakes me! But I have been on medication for a few days now and I struggle to fall asleep. Last night our bed started shaking and my husband started moaning and grunting...I was so shocked and didn't want to embarrass him so I pretended to be fast asleep. After about an hour of him pleasuring himself and me feeling sick to my stomach and on the verge of tears I turned over to let him know i'm awake and found him on his cell phone watching porn and touching himself!!! I then confronted him as I switched on the lamp...wide awake he says to me " what am i talking about? he was fast asleep!" I then took his phn to prove my point and he left the page he was on...having no proof and no iphone boffin I had no evidence...but i'm not crazy I know what I had seen. he then told me I had a bad dream and I must go back to bed. I feel hurt and almost cheated on...I don't want to sound arrogant but i'm an attractive woman...Why does he have to act like a psycho sick pervert while his wife is lying next to him! I feel so insecure and I will always wonder if he is thinking of porn stars while we are making love. PLEASE HELP ME...if anyone has advice on how to deal with this. He denies it and laughs at me when I wanted to talk about it this morning and he says I just had a nightmare. I am so disgusted in him and heart broken!
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Re: My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleep

Postby donovan, learning » Thu Jan 19, 2012 4:31 pm

I've actually seen a show on TV where a girl compulsively masturbated in her sleep, and even would mount her husband in bed to the point that it was disrupting his sleep as well as hers. She had no knowledge or remembrance of it afterward, and it was wrecking their lives.

In all honesty, your boyfriend might have a rare sleep condition. I would seriously suggest that you get in touch with a Sleep Disorders center and see if you can find out more knowledge about this condition. It honestly sounds like it may be a true medical condition.

Unfortunately, that doesn't account for behaviors like paying for sex with a 17-year-old. Man, that's scary-addiction. That's crossing the line in a big way. I admire women who give a man time to change and heal themselves, but you may want to think about getting some counseling yourself as to why you're committed to staying with this guy if he refuses to get help with this. Sex addiction that is "self-contained" is one thing--being addicted to porn or masturbation; sex addiction that harms other people--like a 17-year-old or an innocent, good-hearted woman like yourself--is entirely another. Think about it.
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Re: My boyfriend masturbates in bed when he thinks I'm sleep

Postby donovan, learning » Thu Jan 19, 2012 4:44 pm

011085 wrote:PLEASE HELP!! I found this website this morning and I am desperate for some advice/guidance... I don't want to embarrass my husband so i can't ask family or friends for advice. We have been married for just over a year and we have been together for about 7 years. We have an amazing sex life and wonderful marriage. I'm usually a very very deep sleeper NOTHING wakes me! But I have been on medication for a few days now and I struggle to fall asleep. Last night our bed started shaking and my husband started moaning and grunting...I was so shocked and didn't want to embarrass him so I pretended to be fast asleep. After about an hour of him pleasuring himself and me feeling sick to my stomach and on the verge of tears I turned over to let him know i'm awake and found him on his cell phone watching porn and touching himself!!! I then confronted him as I switched on the lamp...wide awake he says to me " what am i talking about? he was fast asleep!" I then took his phn to prove my point and he left the page he was on...having no proof and no iphone boffin I had no evidence...but i'm not crazy I know what I had seen. he then told me I had a bad dream and I must go back to bed. I feel hurt and almost cheated on...I don't want to sound arrogant but i'm an attractive woman...Why does he have to act like a psycho sick pervert while his wife is lying next to him! I feel so insecure and I will always wonder if he is thinking of porn stars while we are making love. PLEASE HELP ME...if anyone has advice on how to deal with this. He denies it and laughs at me when I wanted to talk about it this morning and he says I just had a nightmare. I am so disgusted in him and heart broken!
First of all, if this DID happen, you need to know that looking at porn and masturbating for a guy is often just a perfunctory exercise. A way to relieve sexual stress. A way to take the "burden" upon oneself rather than constantly hitting up the woman in the relationship for relief, thereby causing fights, guilt in the woman when she's "not in the mood" or like now, where you're going through some medical issue. IT IS NOT "CHEATING"!!! I cannot stress that enough! It's simple fantasy. Everyone has right to it.

Be honest with yourself--do you ALWAYS fantasize about your husband when you're having sex with him? HONESTLY? I'll bet not--so what's really "cheating"? Guys are visually stimulated by the sight of a woman--it doesn't mean that they want to engage in a true physical sexual relationship with her if he's masturbating to porn. Porn is an outlet for frustration, and many studies have found that when porn is made available in countries where it has been banned previously, sexual assault rates and rape rates actually DROP because guys use it to relive their sexual tension. You need to address your issues of insecurity within yourself or your marriage. Porn is not "cheating" unless it LEADS to cheating. Porn within a relationship can even be healthy--it can allow individuals to express and explore their own sexuality without involving the other partner, and can relieve the stress of not getting sex when the other person is busy, tired, sick, or simply unavailable. To feel that he's "Cheating" because he may be relieving his normal male urges speaks a little bit about your own insecurities, and you might want to explore that aspect yourself.

I have to bring up another fact--you're on medicine now, right? Could it be that your medicine is bringing on these dreams? If dreams are often a reflection of insecurities, your own insecurities about your relationship could be being translated into dreams, and if this medication is keeping you in REM-stage sleep, the dreams could seem like it went on for an hour or more.

As a man, I find it hard to believe that if you have a marriage and sex lie as good as you have stated, then it's hard to believe that your husband would be so insensitive as to actually be "shaking the bed and grunting" alongside you in bed, and not think that he was going to get caught. It just sounds too bad to be true.
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