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Massage addiction

Postby wheels80 » Thu Mar 25, 2010 8:37 pm

Hello,

I have a problem with massage providers/escorts. The type you would find on craigslist or backpage.com. I'm in a relationship with a women that I love very much. I'm turned on by looking at escorts/massage providers on the above mentioned websites. I have a strong desire to visit these women. I've had a few happy endings in the past with some massage therapists. I haven't done this since I've been in a relationship with my current girlfrien. It is very embarassing to admit I had visited a massage therapist in the past and recieved a happy ending. I never had sex with any of these so called massage therapists. I want to find a way to stop the desire.

My girlfriend found looked through my site history and found what I was looking at. Naturally she was very upset, and thought the worst case scenario. I had also e-mailed a few providers in the past. It was very exciting to me. Not sure what to do. I don't like the desire that I have, and I don't want to pursue my thoughts and wants of getting another happy ending. Any advice would be appreciated.
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Re: Massage addiction

Postby winginitx » Thu Mar 25, 2010 10:21 pm

Yep....been there. Especially the CL thing. Those ads are so provocative.

First, I think it is good you feel remorse and are contrite and want to be a better man. Cudos to you on that. Second, please don't mistake the fact that you didn't engage in oral or intercouse to mean you didn't have sex with those women. A woman other than your GF was giving you a handjob.....that's sex. If you doubt me, ask your GF...or any girl for that matter. Okay?

For some practical advice, let me offer you this:

What you need is some impulse control skills and perspective imho. You get all excited and flustered by looking and dreaming of this activity...let alone engaging in it. Consider this Stage 1 thinking. The trick is not to stay in Stage 1 thinking. Listen, we cannot control impulse thoughts; but we can control our behavior and our entertaining of those thoughts. My priest once said, "You cannot control the birds flying overhead, but you don't have to invite them to nest on your head." See the point?

How do you stop that? By realizing you're in Stage 1 thinking and move on to Stage 2 thinking. Stage 2 thinking is thinking about the consequences of your potential thoughts and actions. It is thinking of how crappy you feel right after this acting out. The guilt and shame. It also thinks of how hurt your GF would be if she found out; how devastated she would be. Like when she found your web history. Remember her face? How 'fallen' she looked and upset she became? Do you want her to feel like that? Do you want to be that kind of guy who makes her - someone you care very deeply about - feel like that?

The trick is to slide right past Stage 1 thinking - because you cannot control that impulse thought - right into Stage 2 thinking. This will help stop you from lingering on those thoughts and letting those thoughts propel you into behavior you know is wrong and doesn't contribute to your long term happiness. Okay?

The goods news is that you are catching this earlier than most. Now is the time to nip this. I think you're very noble for wanting to be an honorable man. This is a battle...and often a daily battle...but it gets easier if you develop a skill set. Stop the behavior that leads to acting out. That starts with your eyes. Only use the puter when she is home; have a filter on it that eliminates CL and those sites. Use a progrmam that sends your history to your GF (yikes!).

You're not a freak, weird of a perv. You're a guy, human...but you don't have to give in to your lesser self. There is an internal conflict with moral men: The male in all of us want to look; the man inside many of us don't because we want to be better, honorable men. This kind of nobility is work because we are fighting our nature. But it is worth fighting because we have values and principles.

Good luck Sir and I will say a prayer for you.
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Re: Massage addiction

Postby wheels80 » Thu Mar 25, 2010 11:10 pm

Thank you for the advice. I'm seeing a therapist as well. What you said in your response has been more helpful than 4 visits with my therapist. I do want to be a better man, and will follow your advice about the steps. I have my work cut out for me, and I have a lot of trust to try and gain back. THe worst part about what I did was hurting my gf. Your right, to see her face, her anger, and sadness was awful. I never want to hurt her again like that. I dealt with a lot of anger myself, because she thought I had sex with these women. Your right about a handjob being sex i guess. I'm looking for some good sex addiction books too, if you have any info. It a struggle everyday because I work on the cpu 12 hours a day. I fight the urge not to look in my head constantly.
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Re: Massage addiction

Postby winginitx » Fri Mar 26, 2010 12:44 am

Setting Captives Free.com is a good website. Also, Everyman's Battle is a good book to understand the issue.

Are you a person of faith? There is a lot of healing there if you are. Catholic? Go to Confession. I can't tell you the peace, forgiveness and encouragement I get there to forge ahead.
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Re: Massage addiction

Postby jaybaines30 » Fri Mar 26, 2010 8:25 pm

your problem to massage providers/escorts can be stopped immediately. I can probably help you, contact me or go to my webpage www.addictioncontrol.blogspot.com Thanks.

--JB
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Re: Massage addiction

Postby InnerGold » Tue Mar 30, 2010 10:54 pm

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