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I'm a sex addict....now what?

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I'm a sex addict....now what?

Postby shapeshifting » Tue Aug 01, 2017 5:17 pm

This term makes me feel so dirty and ashamed. I much prefer saying that I have hyper sexual disorder but nonetheless.... I have it. I've had an inkling about it now for a while.... I have been using craigslist to fulfill my sexual needs since high school. I have had a serious porn addiction, often frequenting sex chat rooms at home when I was young. I have been caught multiple times. I was caught once with a man at my house and somehow managed to narrowly escape that.
Recently, I had two men basically back to back, two nights in a row. Even when I didn't want to do something, even when I didn't REALLY want to follow through....I still did.
It's terrifying to type this. My mother was an addict, and I come from a family of addiction. Even despite going to private schools and fighting tooth & nail to not be like my mom.... I still developed an addiction. I'm sad about it.. trying to accept it but it makes me feel oh so dirty & shameful.
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Re: I'm a sex addict....now what?

Postby phillip9876 » Mon Aug 07, 2017 2:12 pm

You responded to my post and just saw that this came from you. I agree with the advice you gave me and hope you can get to a point where you can feel true joy and happiness. Unfortunately, I'm at work right now so I have to keep it brief, but I will come back with some books you may want to read. I don't know anything about your personal history, but I would guess that you had to suffer through some trauma earlier in your life. Traumatic memories are stored differently in the brain and cause the victim to have negative emotions, shame, and feelings of worthlessness that are for more overwhelming that a typical bad memory. People are very good of finding ways to escape these painful feelings and use all sorts of methods to either numb out or to feel if they are emotionally shut down. Even though their long term consequences can make you feel even worse about yourself, the problem is that they are actually effective in the moment. That's why addicted people feel compelled to take drugs, cut, over eat, or use sex inappropriately even when they intellectually don't want to. A great book that explains this very well is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van der Kolk (*mod edit*). I will compile some other books I hope will help you in your process.

But please remember this. You have an addiction but just because that addiction has caused you to do some things you are not proud of, it does not make you a bad person. I have found that some of the best people, the most honest people, and the people who really appreciate the things in life that truly mean the most, are those that have endured the most personal pain. I know that's not very comforting right now, but the fact that you reached out to help me shows that you are a kind and good person. Since both of us have similar issues, I hope we can continue this dialog in the future. Even though I don't know you, I know enough about the topic to know the pain you must be feeling. If you feel that talking about things in an anonymous setting like this might help you, I would be happy to be a sounding board for you. We can compare note and hopefully find things that work.

I have to go now, but know that somebody does care and hopes you find true happiness in the future.
Last edited by seabreezeblue on Mon Aug 07, 2017 11:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: link removed as per forum rules.. no further edits (:
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Re: I'm a sex addict....now what?

Postby user03 » Wed Aug 09, 2017 12:43 am

shapeshifting wrote:This term makes me feel so dirty and ashamed. I much prefer saying that I have hyper sexual disorder but nonetheless.... I have it. I've had an inkling about it now for a while.... I have been using craigslist to fulfill my sexual needs since high school. I have had a serious porn addiction, often frequenting sex chat rooms at home when I was young. I have been caught multiple times. I was caught once with a man at my house and somehow managed to narrowly escape that.
Recently, I had two men basically back to back, two nights in a row. Even when I didn't want to do something, even when I didn't REALLY want to follow through....I still did.
It's terrifying to type this. My mother was an addict, and I come from a family of addiction. Even despite going to private schools and fighting tooth & nail to not be like my mom.... I still developed an addiction. I'm sad about it.. trying to accept it but it makes me feel oh so dirty & shameful.


I have apparently a "Porn Addiction" too, however unlike you, I don't relate to the many things you said such as the craigslist thing, chat rooms, etc, I did not grow in a family of addiction or have any family history of mental illness. I have had ongoing clinical depression that seemed to hit me right after high school which i then started watching porn to relief myself or whatever as that was like the only thing that really "helped". I do have some "Abuse" in my past, but most of this is a progressive relative things that has many factors to it and isn't just from one specific thing, some of it is from personality differences, some of it is from watching traumatizing movies, scenes, etc, and others from other areas such as environment, upbringing and probably simply biological and having "Bad brain chemistry" since no one else in my family is anywhere near dysfunctional with the low quality of life i live and been living and i know them well enough to make such "assumption".

As someone who suffers from severe clinical depression, I have to regularly masturbate and ejaculate with porn every day or at least once every two days or else i become very dysfunctional, can't eat, can't sleep, can't mentally or physically do the things i normally do, and i progress into a worsening state of panic, anxiety, stress, agitation and get this progressively worsening brain swelling that feels like a brain tumor while feeling like I'm half dead or a vegetable, it doesn't matter what circumstance or how much emptiness or boredom i have. The porn HAS / IS my medication basically, however, It's also something that i can't do too much, I have to be conscious about it everyday as to not do it more than once with ejaculation or else I hit into this depressive state that is too dysfunctional because the chemicals or whatever become too imbalanced and i get cut off too much, and it affects my mood, etc.

I really do not want to go back to taking psychiatric medications due to horrible side effects and never have found a working medication yet, I was hospitalized not too long ago not because of my mental health condition, but because of the side effects from some anti psychotic that this stupid psychiatric has prescribed to me, thinking it would help my "anger" that i told her is something i struggle with a lot. Um genius...psychiatrist, you do realize anger is part of depression, so why prescribe me an antipsychotic that often times makes depression worse..., and that's exactly what it felt like, it felt like my dopamine reached almost 0 or something and my body entered shock or something. the drug literally made my eyes hurt so bad, i felt like a mentally ill zombie who could barely do anything, when trying to go to sleep that night before the hospital visit, I felt the worst i felt my whole life...

I am more concerned about finding a good therapist as of now who truly gets me and what's going on CAUSE and EFFECT, I actually saw a different psychiatrist recently but they couldn't really give me answers or explanations more than what i knew, so the focus now is on a therapist which the new case manager has to get me an appointment with one she had in mind. In general, i've been hopeless for a very long time, however, that has not stopped me from still actively doing things on a daily basis to just be barely alive and barely stable enough to function, etc, so that hopefully in the future, I will find someone who does understand and can give me the appropriate treatment i need, which if it does involve medication, hopefully it can be a supplement type or natural medicine.
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