Dealing with my husband's multiple cheating/sexual addiction

Is the original poster still there? I'm wondering how things are going... I'm in similar situation with my husband. He did 12 step for sex addiction years ago....lots of counseling....medication....he still cannot stop himself when the compulsion to seek attention from other women hits him. It's at times that he is feeling anxious, overwhelmed, insecure...usually having to do with his working life. He has a bottomless pit of neediness, he tries to fill it with attention from random women, but it never gets filled up. I know he loves me. I know he wants to stop. There are times that he successfully avoids the cheating impulse, but then there are times the need is too overwhelming to ignore. He lies almost every day....I catch him in lies frequently, but know there must be so much more that I don't know. When things are going well, I feel afraid to have sex with him for fear of getting a disease, and having him use a condom seems so absurd, ruins any sexual feelings for him. Not to mention the psychological and emotional damage that has been done with regards to us ever having a normal healthy sex life. I love him....I have never lost sight of all of the great things about him. But living in a marriage where trust seems impossible is very difficult. We are not divorcing for financial and family reasons (we have a son with Asperger's and meeting his needs is already a huge challenge). I am still trying to help my husband get the help he needs, but he seems fearful of it. I think he has been this way for so long, even though he wants to change and be healthy, it sort of feels like cutting off his own arm to think of really changing to such a huge extent. I keep hoping to find the perfect therapist/formula to help him....to help us all. I feel I have this horrible secret....maintaining friendships is hard now.

Hi OP, really sorry about your situation. I started reading your post and everything matched, the 10 years, the 2 kids, except I'm the cheating/addicted hubby. I felt very sad. I really don't know if I will be always a cheater. I think I will. Maybe I can learn how not to cheat. I never had a real affair, so, only porn, some sites and hookers. The real sad part is that I want to change and really think it is possible. However, every time it happens again, although I freak out and I say I will never see any porn or hookup with a prostitute, I always do. I used to have help a few years ago, from a therapist, which helped me handling the issue better, but never stopped the problem. I want to go to meetings, but as you mentioned, it is hard to tell and hard for others to understand. Then the meetings will be another secret... Sex is ok, is natural, everybody does,so, how come is it a problem? I've been able to manage it so far, did not affect my job or life in general, but I hate the deceptions and the major guilt I feel. And the huge fear of losing it all, family, kids,etc. I have tried to get her into a threesome, go to a sex club, but she is not REALLY into that. I realize I was trying to bring her into this world, to make it more natural to bring an STD home, for example (yes, I did, bring HPV and herpes, and she lowered the bar, I regret to say).
I still have hope I can make it. I'm a good father and as much as I can, I'm a good husband, but I really hate having these secrets. And porn/sites/etc is hard, since it is like self-service booze, at home, for an Alcoholic. Hard to resist. I'm sometimes able to stay a week or two with no porn, but always succumb to the temptation at some point.
She tries, and although she is not as interested in sex as me, when she does, she is awesome and open.
I feel like I'm damaged goods now. No hope sometimes, but often also think that it is a matter of deciding to stop (easier said than done).
Well, I hope I didn't bother you with my agony. Thanks for 'listening'.

Joe

Joe, you CAN stop cheating. Don't tell yourself you can't. Is there any way you can
get the courage to tell your wife you are a sex addict and need help ( like a sex addict
recovery group)? I'm quite sure she will be very hurt, but chances are she'll stand by you
and support you if you're honest.

Can the married women on here who have a cheating/sex addicted husband give this man any advice? I think he sincerely would like to change or he wouldn't have looked up this forum.

He has a real, downward spiraling addiction and needs professional help badly. In the meantime, without debasing yourself, help him with his fantasies.

Hi, I know it's been a year since this was posted. I was just wondering how things are going now if you don't mind me asking? I've been with my partner for 4 years, and recently found out he had been sleeping with multiple other girls, and sharing photos/arranging to meet with others. It started to unravel after he gave me an sti, and let me believe it was from a cheating incident a year previously. I've since found posts he's put on craiglist offering sex, even ones offering to swap photos of me. He's told me that it is due to a sex/love addiction and depression, all caused by his difficult childhood. I'm trying to have some space for my sake, however whenever I don't contact him, he either rings me crying or threatens suicide. I really don't know what to do. Do we get help and try to overcome this problem? Or do I try and move on before we are in the situation where we are married, have children, a mortgage, etc? It would be really useful to know whether people have overcome this addiction, and couples have been happy together since.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated