American Pie triggering me :(

Been watching the American Pie films for the first time over the past few days, and Kevin (I think it's Kevin - the guy who dates the choir girl?) reminds me of a guy who almost raped me at uni. He just looks like him and I can't help but hate the character for that.

This guy offered to let me stay at his house after a night out because my then-boyfriend ditched me when I was meant to be staying at his house. So I went out with this guy after breaking up with said boyfriend for ditching me (and other things) and he just kept kissing me all night, wouldn't let me talk to my friends (one friend in particular said he was actually scared for my safety at the fact that this guy just wouldn't leave me alone) and I went back to his place which I probably shouldn't have (should have asked the friend that was worried for my safety if I could stay at his - he's still a good friend). So I went back to this guys place and he asked me if I was on the pill. I said no. He said I'll get a condom then. I said no. He kept persisting. I said no at least 4 times.

I have a personal problem that after saying no about 3/4 times and being ignored, I tend to just give in and do what the person wants (which makes me really hate myself and blame myself for a lot of things guys have done to me in the past, when I've said no repeatedly but they've just kept going so I gave up and let them do it even though I didn't want them to). So I gave up and he tried to get the condom on and couldn't and I told him I wouldn't have sex with him without a condom.

So the next day, feeling pretty betrayed by him, I let him walk me to the station and kissed him goodbye (really didn't want to let him know how terrible I was feeling) and then I talked to him about it online later. I TRIED to talk about it rationally, saying that maybe it had been a drunken misunderstanding, and that he hadn't really paid attention the FOUR TIMES that I had said no... He said that that was #######4, that I hadn't said no and that what I was saying was disgusting... Even though I said to him, I'm willing to accept that this was a misunderstanding... But he didn't listen he just said I was wrong to think like I did even after saying no repeatedly...

Not long later I was on a night out again with the same university society and he was there... He kept talking to me and my ex-boyfriend (the same one that ditched me that night, but then we got back together, and were together on this night). I just didn't want to talk to him at all. That night I really saw his true colours. He was talking to a girl from the society and dancing with her all night, trying to "pull" and get her into bed. After hours of dancing with her he tried to make a move and she told him she had a boyfriend. He came up to me and my boyfriend in a foul mood, insulting her and saying she had wasted his time. He spent the rest of the night pathetically attempting to hit on at least 4 more girls, and eventually ended up making out with one and going home alone.

But yeah after that night I didn't feel quite so bad anymore about accusing him like I did. I thought maybe it was a misunderstanding but obviously I was wrong.

Kaz x

**Edited by Moderator due to violation of rules, and invalidating and inflammatory comments.**

@UberGonzo

I apologize profusely for saying this but I don't believe you're helping someone who is looking for support. This isn't a court of law. Comparing the situation to an exact definition isn't helping. She isn't using the guy's name. All she's doing is looking for support.

@Feathers

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I can't really help the situation and don't know what to say. This gets into an area I have no experience with. I hope you feel better.

Exiled. wrote:@UberGonzo

I apologize profusely for saying this but I don't believe you're helping someone who is looking for support. This isn't a court of law. Comparing the situation to an exact definition isn't helping. She isn't using the guy's name. All she's doing is looking for support.

Help is subjective. In this case, I find it helpful to tell people the truth and to avoid nurturing dangerous delusions. That is to say, dangerous for other individuals. It is this sort of fantastical thinking that gets innocent men convicted. I have seen and heard a number of horror stories relating to similar situations where women exaggerated the reality of the situation and held delusions of rape or similar issues leading to individuals being wrongly accused. Asinine behavior does not justify lifetime registration, reduced employment, social isolation and up to a couple decades in prison.

I take the issue of rape very seriously as should anyone. Individuals who go around trivializing rape are insulting rape victims everywhere. This situation was merely a series of bad choices which led to regrets. I fail to see how this situation could ever come close to the trauma of a rape victim.

I was being helpful in the best way I know, which is by being honest and truthful. Am I brutally honest? Definitely.

In today's society people use the term rape far too loosely or even go as far as to consent to or even initiate the activity and change their minds days, weeks or months AFTER the fact due to regrets, exaggeration or encouragement. This leads to mutually consensual sexual activity becoming rape which is disgusting in my opinion. I would hate to see someone unjustly accused of rape due to delusions held or issues held by the OP.

One issue in this thread I fail to understand is how American Pie is triggering well...what precisely is it triggering? I am lost on this as there was no crime committed and no violence committed and nothing that should have been traumatic from what I understand. Perhaps the OP could elaborate on this?

From the story above it sounds more like the OP has serious personal issues which need to be addressed [saying so is quite helpful btw] since she keeps ending up in abusive or undesirable situations due to a self-admitted personal issue where the OP consents when she in reality and internally does not want the activity but externally gives consent.

This is dangerous not only for the OP but for those who come into contact with the OP.

DUDE what the HECK are you even doing in the sexual abuse forum, especially with a quote from someone who's name alone might trigger? (marquis de sade)

Exiled. wrote:DUDE what the HECK are you even doing in the sexual abuse forum, especially with a quote from someone who's name alone might trigger? (marquis de sade)

The Marquis de Sade is a person. Suggesting a person's name or title may be a trigger is a bit silly. Then again people are triggered by many odd things.

In this case, it is a title ranking higher than a count but below a duke. One may translate it as a Nobleman of Sade loosely. Donatien Alphonse François was his name. Shall I change it to this?

My quote has to do with personal liberty not anything else. I also have a quote by a fictional character.

What denies me the freedom or right to post here?

As an abuse victim and having been close to multiple abuse victims. I feel a certain "empathy" for such victims. I have both personally experienced it and have watched others endure it. I think this is sufficient to warrant my presence here although I do not need to justify myself.

Do not make this personal as this is not a personal matter with yourself. I bear no feelings toward you. As far as the topic goes I was sharing my input on the reality and logic of the situation to benefit all involved in the aforementioned story.

I also post in the paraphilias section among others. Would you like me to justify this as well?

All in all, I saw the topic, had an opinion and some insight and posted as does everyone on this forum.

If you had been seeking support for abuse or actually being supportive I would have responded differently.

It would actually be less triggering if you changed the name. Why do you need to be told this?



@Feathers

I apologize for your thread going off-track so bad.

Exiled. wrote:If you had been seeking support for abuse or actually being supportive I would have responded differently.

It would actually be less triggering if you changed the name. Why do you need to be told this?



@Feathers

I apologize for your thread going off-track so bad.

Your response is unimportant. I have no reason to have to justify anything to you. No being harsh or anything of the sort. I have no feelings toward you one way or the other, just stating the truth/facts.

The issue is not the name but rather people's assumed image of the name which is often quite inaccurate. Legends and myth are bigger than reality. Few know him by birth name but many know him by his title. Changing it relegates his accomplishments as a politician and libertine to the unknown.

Why do you feel the need to tell me?

And again for the record, I am being supportive. I am being supportive by offering realistic critique ie an evaluation of the aforementioned story. I suggested therapy to deal with the issues she has with consenting externally while disagreeing internally. The OP admitted this was an issue and in fact I feel it is an underlying issue regarding many things. The most productive thing she can do is to treat this issue so that future experiences do not happen and people do not get accused of things they did not do or intend to do. This is the logical step to take.

I think your issue with me is that I am unemotional and do not sugarcoat things. This is how I have always been and how I always will be. Think of me as spock-like if you prefer. But telling me how to feel or act is futile as is obvious.

We are who we are.

UberGonzo wrote:Why do you feel the need to tell me?

Because it triggers me.

Exiled. wrote:

UberGonzo wrote:Why do you feel the need to tell me?

Because it triggers me.

If this is true, why is the Marquis de Sade [Noble of Sade] an issue and not Donatien Alphonse François [his name] ? They are the same person and the same actions taken as is obvious by both.

I do not understand the difference. Please explain?

-- Mon Jul 09, 2012 10:12 pm --

P.S. Why is this an issue in this forum but not the others such as SPD?

We both post in many of the same forums. Why here and now has it become an issue?