My Mother just let the person who raped me move in

I'm not sure where to begin but I was abused sexually when I was 12 years old by a man who is suppose to be my brother. he was arrested a year or two after for abusing a 4 year old girl but I was still to scared to come forward. this crippling fear lasted until 4 years ago, needless to say when I told my mother what he had done she was furious...at me. she thought I was lying for despite the fact that I have seldom ever done so and despite my wishes for her to not let him know that I remembered let alone told anyone she still did because she "Wanted to know if it was true". since then tensions have been high pertaining to him but never before have things been as tense as they have been now. she is letting him move onto out property. I know my mother loves me but she NEVER compromises when it comes to him she has said so many hurtful things to me about this please someone tell me what should I do how do I resolve this in a nonviolent manner?

Hi Masked Man 14191,

I am so sorry that your mother has betrayed you by choosing your abuser over you. I don't believe there is such thing as what one "should" do when it comes to personal choices. The only thing that can be done in this situation is if you move out, start living independently and cut ties with your mother and obviously with your abuser. If you want to protect your well-being and not get traumatized further, I don't see any other possible solution.

WM

If your mother really loved you, she would beleive, validate, respect and protect you around this vital issue. What you describe here is not love. She is siding with the abuser; naturally he isn't afraid of you, isn't disturbed by your presence, because he's the one who victimized you. I was also sexually abused by my older brother, and my (also incestuous, abusive) mother took his side, because he didn't rock the boat--he didn't need distance from me, he was happy to lord over me what he had done in the past and maintain a sick family dynamic.

You definitely need to get out of this toxic situation. You should not ever have to see your abuser again, or listen to other people defending him, putting you down and ignoring your needs. I hope there is a way you can leave before he shows up.

thank both of you but I have nowhere to go I have no money for an apartment, my sister won't have me and I have no friends to take me in do either of you know any programs that might get me out of this abusive household?

Mask Man,

First up Welcome to the forums

It is probably a bit late, but have you thought of telling the police what happened to you ? Because he has a record of child abuse they are likely to not only believe your story, but will probably actively support you in whatever way they can. (the police might also know of some other bode you can move into)

After having written the above I reminded myself of legal action recently being taken against the child abusers (alas plural) for events in the 80's.

You don't say, so I will ask. Are you still at school or working or both ?

And as I am a big believer of doing, try telling yourself that this is what you survived, and I won't let you take me back there!

It is difficult to give advice without more details. Are you still a minor? If so, then reporting him and your mother may provide some releif, as this is clearly creating a very unsafe situation for you and CPS could take you out of it, give you some other place to stay. If you are already finished with high school, it's somewhat different. You may be able to take summer courses at a university and live in the dorms, with plans to continue doing so in the fall? Trying talking to a counselor or social worker locally, they should be able to give you advice and tell you what options are available where you live.

I can only suggest the same thing as Caden. Research the local resources in your area. Talking to a counselor/therapist would be a good first step to take as they know local resources and would know better where to refer you. Good luck.

WM

I did report this a couple of years ago and nothing came of it and to answer Caden's question no I am no longer a minor and I dropped out of high school senior year. that's what makes this difficult. even if I was mentally fit enough to have a job I doubt I could find one that would accept me and that's what makes this a living hell for me, I have no one to go to and no money to get an apartment so I can move out. I'll look into some local programs though.

In my country there are places called sheltered workshops. With your communication skills they would welcome you with open arms. Has your area got something similar ?

How can we, fellow members, help ?

@Whybother I doubt that we have anything like that here in U.S. but I think I might be able to find something like a support group in my area if not I'll take your word for it on my communication skills and try to start one myself.