Obsessed

I'm not sure if this is normal or healthy and wanted to know if anyone esle has this problem. I was sexually abused growing up and now I am completely obsessed with reading anything that has to do with pedophiles, child molesters, incest, or reading stories of other peoples abuse. I want and need to be in these peoples minds. I want sooo badly too be able to get into the mind of a pedophile or child molester. Not in an angry hateful way. I just really want to understand why.

You are not the only one. I spend my days looking at articles about pedophiles, child abuse images, the law surrounding it. I cannot stop, its driving me mad. Ever since my house mates was found guilty of molesting a 12 year old girl I cant stop. It has brought so much stuff flooding back and I am very distressed.

OMG...Thank you for replying. You just helped me in two ways. For one I don't feel like I'm alone in my obsession anymore. It's a huge relief knowing that I'm not the only one. You also helped by making me feel like I'm not invisible. I was really scared that I would be as invisible here as I am in life.
I hate to get personal but were you also abused or is this something that was brought on only because of your room mates arrest? I don't want to sound like a freak but I am really interested in hearing why you think you have this obsession.
I really hate that I want and need to read about these sorts of things. Not only is it disturbing but it brings up a lot of feelings and memories.

It's so confusing.

I dont know why I have this obsession, i hate, i absolutely hate it. I have been really affected by what my ex house mate has done. I was abused once when i was young and i never told anyone as i didnt know how to explain things.

The last 4 months of my life have been a living nightmare reading about this stuff. I just want it to stop, I would do anything to make it stop. I have seen my doctor, mental health team and a psychologist but nothing works.

I am pretty much suicidal at the moment.

Thanks crackedgirl.

Im in a mess and have been for while but Its great to be able to connect with others who are having the same problems.

it's normal for abuse victims to do what you are doing. I've done this too and from my experience and from what I heard from others I figured that people do this because they need to make sense of what happened to them. Once we understand the whole picture we can digest it and decide how to deal with it. At least, that's how it worked with me. I needed to understand my experiences completely. Couldn't start healing without it.

I do it too, i'm constantly reading articles about pedophiles and child abuse. I don't really know why as it just upsets me and brings up horrible memories. i guess i just want to understand. but it can't be understood.

Kinda off topic but in the same vein, my father is a sociopath and I have a similar obsession with trying to understand through reading, documentaries, etc. how someone can be that way. I try to imagine what they think and feel. I even went into neuroscience to try to understand what is wrong on a physiological level. After almost a lifetime of research and 11 years in college (almost done-Yay I have come to the conclusion that I will never understand and that is is not possible for someone who feels empathy for others to understand. It's a lost cause. But, I think that you just have to keep trying to understand until you realize that you can't and give up. They live in another reality that we can not understand. They see a different world.

OMG I do the same thing. I can't stop reading news articles about child abuse - be it sexual or physical. And I am so haunted and upset by the stories that sometimes I can barely function. I get so upset over others being abused that I truly hate God for allowing it. It has had a negative impact on my sex life with my husband of 16 years. I have felt suicidal often because of it. It's like I just cannot stand it that children are being treated this way...people say they "can't stand" something....but it's like I just want out of my own skin because of it.

I don't even know if I was abused or not. All signs point in that direction (the way I react to things and obsess) but I have no memory of anything. But for me, my problem is that OTHERS are being abused, not myself. And the fact that others will always be abused and there's nothing that will stop it makes me insane. At least if it was myself who I was worried about I could have a little control over it. I have been seeing a therapist for some time and I take antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds, but still I can't shake it.