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I enjoyed being abused *Trigger warning*

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I enjoyed being abused *Trigger warning*

Postby 1940phil » Fri Jun 01, 2012 5:27 am

when I was teenager I worked on Saturdays for a guy at his market garden , not long after I started there we were having a break one day when he took out some photos and asked me if I wanted to see them . They were his "dirty pics" He could see i was getting an erection and he put his hand onto my crotch , I did nothing to stop him , he took my penis out and masturbated me , I had done it to myself many times but no one else had done that to me , I enjoyed it ! , We did it most days I was there . He introdued me to oral sex as well . It carried on for about 6 months till I got a full time job , These days people would say he abused me , but did he ? I enjoyed it , I could have stopped it at any time , but I went back for more What horny teenage boy wouldnt , What does that make me ? I never had any more sex experiences with a man till I was in my 60s and my wife had given up on sex ,
Last edited by salted lipstick on Fri Jun 01, 2012 7:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: added trigger warning to help other readers decide if they can handle reading on...
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Re: I enjoyed being abused *Trigger warning*

Postby XCRevolution » Fri Jun 01, 2012 5:09 pm

My ethics professor was talking about that. He said he didn't see how molestation was abuse. I don't know. I mean, it's not like you have flashbacks from it that keep you up at nights, right? So, I guess it wouldn't be that big of a deal.
"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and suddenly realized I was talking to myself." - Peter O'Toole
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Re: I enjoyed being abused *Trigger warning*

Postby CrackedGirl » Sat Jun 02, 2012 9:24 am

Hi

I had orgasms when I was abused but it does not mean you are asking for it if you have a physical reaction to it. It is possible to be abused and experience pleasurable feelings from it. It does not make the abuse right tho.

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Re: I enjoyed being abused *Trigger warning*

Postby WiseMonkey » Sat Jun 02, 2012 5:13 pm

Hi 1940phil,

Firstly, I wanted to support CrackedGirl's point and to say that just because you enjoyed it it doesn't make what that man did to you right or any less abusive.

The fact that you don't seem traumatized by it is a different story. I've heard of a controversial book called "The trauma myth" (don't recall the author's name but you can google it). The woman who wrote it is a therapist and she says that in her professional work she had come across many sexual abuse victims who were not traumatized by the abuse. When I was young, I was groupled in public transportation and sexually harassed on many occasions. Technically this could be defined as abuse, but I wasn't traumatized as a result of it, I think, because all those jerks who did it were nobodies to me and the embarrassment and the humiliation would go away as soon as the next incident was over. At the same time, there were other people in my life whom I loved and who abused me. Those abuses had a long-lasting effect on me because the perpetrators were people who were important to me and when I realized that they abused me, I felt profoundly betrayed. So, I guess, how abuse will affect us depends on many factors: the relationship with the perpetrator, individual vulnerability, age, previous history of abuse or a lack of thereof, the circumstances in which it took place etc. The woman who wrote "The trauma myth" makes it clear that just because certain victims don't seem to be affected by the abuse, that doesn't mean that the abuse didn't occur and doesn't make what perpetrators did ok. I haven't read the book, I just look through it on Amazon and read the reviews. It is certainly controversial and I can easily see how many abuse victims could be offended by the title . At the same time, many other abuse victims found it validating because they never felt traumatized by their experiences. So, you may find this book helpful too.
"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."-Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Re: I enjoyed being abused *Trigger warning*

Postby psychoval » Sun Jul 14, 2013 5:32 am

i had orgasms during abuse n had no clue thats what it was, at an age when i had no clue about sex, i would moan n grunt when "it" was happening n it felt good. but the shame n guilt n the fear traumatized me. the sexual acts probably contribute to my hyper-sexually today. but, jus cuz u may enjoy the abuse, u were still violated n experienced those feelings under false pre-tenses n thru manipulation. not cuz he loved n cared for u n wanted a relationship. he took advantage of a sexually curious teen? why not get a partner his own age?
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Re: I enjoyed being abused *Trigger warning*

Postby niva » Sun Jul 14, 2013 3:37 pm

There is innocent childhood experimentation, and there is being taken advantage of. In the latter situation you are powerless/helpless and don't want it and can't stop it. How the body physically responds is irrelevant, it's how the mind reacts.
-N (host/real/grounded/OK me)
-Jane (depressive child part)
-Sonja (preteen; happy/optimistic/good girl/social part)
-Aiden (obsessive/thinker part; no feelings)

Integrated:
-niva (teen; aggressive/frantic; lust/passion)
-ninchen (brave child; 9)
-Cedar (happy/spiritual part)
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Re: I enjoyed being abused *Trigger warning*

Postby Partridge » Mon Jul 15, 2013 6:05 pm

^I'm with this. It's how the mind reacts. You enjoyed it and look back on it as a positive experience, so no need to try and get worked up about it and create the trauma others might expect you to have suffered. Besides, age of consent laws represent an age at which a given society has decided all people (with the exception of vulnerable adults) are mature enough to make decisions. It doesn't mean you can't be mature enough prior to that age. The law would say consent is impossible (consent as a legal term), and I agree with the notion of an age of consent law, but abuse in my view is subjective. If you feel you were ready and willing, enjoyed the experience at the time and look back on it now as something positive, then what's the harm? That doesn't invalidate the fact that the guy in question broke the law, but that's a legal matter and needn't have any bearing on your perception of the activity.
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Re: I enjoyed being abused *Trigger warning*

Postby Toomuch » Fri Aug 02, 2013 6:02 am

I don't understand why several of the people responding get the impression that the OP wasn't traumatized by his experience. He didn't say he wasn't traumatized, he only said he enjoyed it.

To the OP, I really can't speak on your behalf and say what the experience was, what it meant or what impact it had on you… but I can't help but notice that more than 40 years later you felt a need to post about it on a forum that deals with sexual abuse.

You don't necessarily have to put a label on it but it might be worth your while to examine whether or not it has any impact on you to this day.

Often when it comes to sexual abuse, physical "pleasure" only adds to the damage, not the other way around.
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Re: I enjoyed being abused *Trigger warning*

Postby Partridge » Fri Aug 02, 2013 9:32 am

Toomuch wrote:I don't understand why several of the people responding get the impression that the OP wasn't traumatized by his experience. He didn't say he wasn't traumatized, he only said he enjoyed it.


I mean this with the greatest of respect, and I understand your good intentions, so please don't take this the wrong way, but perhaps you should read the OP's post again. He makes quite clear he enjoyed his experiences; there's nothing in his post that suggests he feels traumatised. Surely he's allowed to feel OK about what happened? We talk about not invalidating people's feelings, yet if someone comes here saying they feel fine about what happened to them people try and persuade them otherwise.

Toomuch wrote:To the OP, I really can't speak on your behalf and say what the experience was, what it meant or what impact it had on you… but I can't help but notice that more than 40 years later you felt a need to post about it on a forum that deals with sexual abuse. You don't necessarily have to put a label on it but it might be worth your while to examine whether or not it has any impact on you to this day.


Maybe he'd read other posts and thought his voice, his experience was not reflected in what he was reading, and felt a need to express how he felt, perhaps to help others. I didn't enjoy my abuse, but everyone's experiences are different. And he's had a long time for any trauma to manifest itself; I'm sure he would have mentioned it.
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