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Love my dad, but hate him, he is attracted to me.

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Love my dad, but hate him, he is attracted to me.

Postby Barbara222 » Sun Apr 08, 2012 2:32 pm

From a young age my dad and I have gotten along great, I told him everything and had a better relationship with him rather than my mother. I had recently been raped by someone, and when he found out he was obviously very angry towards the person, then i ended up confiding in him with other things that happen, eg. the time i had lost my virginity, things i had done. I realise it is a strange for me to confide in him with things like this, but I just thought we were good friends.

I realised that i didn't like how close we were when he began telling me things he had done, it made me feel sick..because well, he is my dad, I see him as my carer and listener, i think I used him as a..sort of person to talk to, psychiatrist or something. Didn't really want/expect him to share with me, but that is inconsiderate of me i guess.

My parents are recently divorced, I am fine with this because I know why my mother left, but I am uncomfortable around my dad, he ended up telling me that he is sexually attracted to me. I am very very accepting of anything anyone tells me, and i try to help and resolve it. So I tried to understand why, but I could not get over the fact that it make me sick to my stomach, i don't know if it is normal, because i usually believe everything is normal..because its happening and everyone thinks differently.

He began buying me more things, and high heels, then wanting to buy me lingerie and see me in it, i felt sick, but let him, but i didn't let him see me in the clothes he bought me, as i realised i wouldn't be able too, even though i love him. He also says that the way for him to get over things he shouldn't be okay with e.g. me having sex and being a sexual person with men and women. he makes himself like it, but now he can't go back. And that with my mother not being there, I am the only one who listens and cares, which i do! but why did he turn it sexual..

I often wake up and find incest porn in tabs on our home computer, i automatically close it. He tells me he will never hurt me by doing anything to me, because he loves me, and cares more about my happiness than his. So I know i have nothing to be afraid of, but I just can't take it. I can feel him staring at me thinking sexual things, or i go to sleep knowing he is watching incest porn.

I have tried to get over it and convince myself it is normal, as he has also told me that it is and I'm too young to understand..but i explain that this is not the case! I simply am NOT sexually attracted to him, it makes me feel sick. I know i can't change his thoughts, but I know he won't do anything..

what am I supposed to think? I am really trying to be okay with it, am I disgusting for letting him know the details of my life, and did i bring it on myself? I didn't think this would happen.. I don't know how to sort it out and feel comfortable around him, because he is a cool guy, but I obviously can't get over that he Is sexually attracted to me! Is it my fault? I don't hate him, but I just wish he didn't tell me..I feel disgusting in myself knowing that i made him think like this, so i shouldn't be allowed to feel disgusted by him..

is it all my fault..
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Re: Love my dad, but hate him, he is attracted to me.

Postby CrackedGirl » Sun Apr 08, 2012 4:50 pm

No this is not your fault

Not at all, not even a little bit

Your Dad is being a creep. He is not only feeling things which he should not be feeling he is sharing them with you and making you have to deal with them emotionally. What he is doing is totally not fair and wrong. I am so sorry you are going through this. I think that you need to confront him about it and tell him that he is being unacceptable in how he is behaving. The incest porn is something else that to me is totally unacceptable.

I hope that you are able to tell him that he is not to behave like this to you as I think it will give you some power back that you might have felt you have lost by having your father say these things to you.

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Re: Love my dad, but hate him, he is attracted to me.

Postby Greatexpectations » Sun Apr 08, 2012 5:23 pm

It is not your fault. Repeat. It is not your fault.

The relationship with your father sounds a little engulfing. He should not have encouraged you to confide such personal issues with him. He should have said "Hey stop, too much information".
I had a similar relationship with my father I was his favourite.

'Daddies little favourite' can be a very uncomfortable place to be.

I thought he loved me when I was little, mother was not nice to me.

i don't know if it is normal, because i usually believe everything is normal..because its happening and everyone thinks differently.

It is NOT normal.

This type of relationship is called 'emotionally incestuous' As a young teen I began to dislike fathers extra interest in me, it was unhealthy.
It was worried it might start to get physical, as mother did not want sex.
I don't know how old you are, but I do think you should leave home as soon as you can, houseshare with people of your age perhaps, leave and live on campus at uni.
Keep some distance between you and father.
He should not leave inappropriate and possibly illegal porn on his computer that you can easily access.
It feels like grooming.
Keep clear personal boundaries remember, incest is NOT normal.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
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Re: Love my dad, but hate him, he is attracted to me.

Postby self propelled » Sun Apr 08, 2012 10:13 pm

your dad needs to see a therapist

if he cares about you, he will do it
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Re: Love my dad, but hate him, he is attracted to me.

Postby WiseMonkey » Tue Apr 10, 2012 6:46 am

I'd say the same thing Greatexpectations said word by word. Yes, your relationship with your father has been emotionally incestuous. No, it is NOT your fault. And no, this type of relationship with one's parent is NOT normal. Your father said that he'd never hurt you, but he already has. Just like Greatexpectations said, try to separate from your father as soon as possible to protect yourself from a further damage and it would not be a bad idea for you to see a therapist.
"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."-Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Re: Love my dad, but hate him, he is attracted to me.

Postby bbygirl03 » Wed May 22, 2013 10:14 pm

Babe, everythng you describing, those exactttt words, happened to me the same way. It started when I was young, so I started to like it. I always wanted to but felt so wrong. Eventually I let my guard down and he took advantage of me. We did this for several months, until all the hurt and disgusted feelings started creeping up again, which they did often. I had let the secret out to some people. I developed a drinking problem along the way, which led to flat out..."Accidentally?" telling my mom and stepdad. The majority of this took place when I went back to live in Alabama with him and some of his family (when I was alone with him). I often regret speaking up because he wasnt just some pedophile guy off the streets, he was my father and best friend who I told everything too. I also lost contact with his family. The loss is so great to me that it breaks my heart everyday to be away from him, he was the light in my life. However, I know what happened was twisted. Be careful around your dad. Or speak out if thats what you believe is right. Its hard for me to say how I feel because Im happy for what I told but on the other hand I gave up so many things that I deeply and passionatly loved. Since I've been back home with my mother I've began to believe less and less that it was entirely my fault though, that I was the one who lead this on. I hope you find what you're looking for, I never did. Let me know what it is when you get chance, so that I may be able to accept it too. Please take alot of time to think things through, don"t make any rash descisions. On a comedic note, I know how finding daughter porn on your dads iPod feels, they're so stupid :roll: Best of luck,
Haley.[myflash=][/myflash]
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Re: Love my dad, but hate him, he is attracted to me.

Postby sleeper^ » Thu May 23, 2013 12:39 pm

You did what any normal gal wants ( to be close to her father ) but in this case
It has over stepped a safe boundary ( which now must be dealt with )
Agree what is occurring right now ( is a form of grooming of you ) playing by him on your emotions & love for him

This behavior of his is of great concern ( he has allowed a vulnerable young women ) to now meet his own needs ( over stepping the line with you ) It is WRONG what he is doing
You were raped ( & instead of protecting you from further abuse ) he is inflicting emotional turmoil upon you ( confusing you /& adding to your already traumatized state)

Did you seek counseling help with the rape?
( if you didn't would highly suggest to do so ) to try & help you cope with all this & what also happen to you with the rape..
FOR his sake & yours ( YOU need to leave ) ! It is not safe for you to remain with him there
He is stepping way over the line of a ' normal ' father ( asking you to dress up for him & show him ) that is just so NOT RIGHT to do so !
This is not your fault ( he should have taken you to a counselor ( when you started to get so personal with him ) instead he was feeding off your insecurity / & your very personal stories/ vulnerability & openness with him.
You wanted someone to confide in (unfortunately you have picked the wrong person ) not your fault though as you would have had NO idea that this was going to occur( & what was REALLY going on his mind ) about you
He is also increasing his inappropriate behavior with you..

He tells me he will never hurt me by doing anything to me, because he loves me, and cares more about my happiness than his

This is a form of trying to make you feel guilty ( that he isn't happy) & leaving the tabs for you to see yet again another form of trying to persuade you to his thinking (form of manipulation of your thoughts also to his way of thinking -eg- of doing things YOu really don't want to do !

( don't think this is a good idea for you alone to talk to him about ) think it would be just better maybe to jjust leave him behind ( & his thoughts of what HE wants ) & instead take care of YOU right now ( he is not being a good parent / he is instead thinking only of what HE wants )
Talking won't work right now with him don't think ( as you have lost your own power around him & he will know this ( & will try to manipulate u into thinking that you shouldn't leave )

So maybe when your in a 'safer place away from him ( then you could write him a letter of why you needed to leave ) & explaining the why - - > that it was NO longer a proper place for you to emotionally HEAL from what you also went though
Also suggesting that maybe he seek therapist help also for his 'thoughts' about you.. ( which are definitely WRONG!
Staying with him will only continue to make you anger/ upset / confused / & anxious ( meaning also your healing / recovery will be delayed whilst you remain in his presence & in that house
Do you have some where else you can stay?
It mighten be ideal for you at first ( but emotionally it will be a better place to be for you maybe ) ..
He will guilt you in to trying to make you stay with him ( DON"T listen )
This now needs to be about you ! (when you are emotionally stronger ) through your own counseling then you will NOT only see this for what it is but also why you need to leave for your own peace of mind & physical / mental stability & safeTy..
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Re: Love my dad, but hate him, he is attracted to me.

Postby centerpath » Wed Jun 05, 2013 6:21 pm

I'm a 53 year old male and father to a 20 year old woman. She and I are also very close. She told me when she lost her virginity, she confides in me about her struggles to engage in healthy relationships with young men.

I have not shared with her my sexual nature, and I wouldn't.

In my opinion to be a father is a role. For some men it's a natural role, for others it takes more effort, but the rules and lessons of that role are well understood. In my opinion your father is displaying an incredibly selfish aspect of his nature. He is violating the understood boundaries and structure of a father. I strongly suggest that you take firm steps to establish boundaries with him, just as you would if the manager at a store where you worked was acting out toward you.

It is natural for a young woman to push the limits of intimacy a little with her father. Nothing in that makes it OK for the father to push the limits. You deserve a man in your life who I call "the one man in the world that's not trying to get in your pants". Your father is selfishly violating that, robbing you of a needed role, and in my opinion is abusing the power inherent in his position to try to get sexual attention. This is a serious breach of ethics. Get away. Get far away. Tell your mother. Tell him. No means no. Keep no secrets.
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