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(Older brother - younger sister) Is it rape??

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(Older brother - younger sister) Is it rape??

Postby Moonie » Sat Apr 30, 2011 4:52 pm

Hi people,

Since I was 8 years old, my brother, who is 6 years older than me, has been sexually abusing me. I'm not sure if it's considered rape, as it started when I was still young, innocent and naive, unable to tell from right or wrong. I feel like I've been "molded" since young and it's like, I'm used to it now and so I can't tell if it's rape because I'm more resigned than anything when he's doing it.

Basically what he does is the usual, making me do things for him, handjob etc. He also tries to penetrate. Normally, before he can fully penetrate, I'll push him away as the pain is too great, and he at least backs off for awhile. Still, he penetrated and I was wondering, is that considered rape?

I'm currently 15 years old, and thanks to my boyfriend, I've regained enough confidence in myself to stop my brother from doing this sort of sexual acts to me, but occasionally when his patience runs weary, he simply forces himself on me. But I don't wish to get my brother in trouble, after all, despite all that he's done to me, he is still my brother and there are many other good acts he has done for me. My boyfriend has clearly expressed the joy he would feel if he could call the cops on my brother, but I always stop him from doing so.

I have this suspicion that my mom knows about what my brother is doing as she has almost walked in on him doing this a few times before, but it is not justified yet. She hasn't said anything about it though, if she knew.

Another question I have would be that with my history of incest, is it possible that I have lost the ability to have fun during sex? I've done it a few times with my boyfriend but I don't feel much pleasure while doing it.

I'd really like to know the answers to these questions as it's been weighing on my mind for quite some time now.

Thanks.
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Re: (Older brother - younger sister) Is it rape??

Postby CrackedGirl » Sun May 01, 2011 5:58 am

I am so sorry you are going through this. This is abuse and rape and needs to be reported to the police. What he is doing is completely wrong. It is not surprising it has affected your sexual relationship with your boyfriend. Remember you don't have to have sex with him if you don't want to. How would you feel about telling your Mum about what is going on? You are a child and need some help with this and he needs to be reported to the police. What he is doing is abuse and wrong.

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Re: (Older brother - younger sister) Is it rape??

Postby Moonie » Sun May 01, 2011 4:04 pm

Thanks for your advice. Despite everything, he's still my brother whom I've grown up with, and like I said earlier on, I don't wish to harm him in any way. As for the issue with my boyfriend, I DO want to do it with him, just that I can't really gain much pleasure from the act. And so far I've only had courage to confide in a few of my closest friends, I don't think I have the courage to tell my mom.
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Re: (Older brother - younger sister) Is it rape??

Postby CrackedGirl » Sun May 01, 2011 4:15 pm

It must feel like you are in a very difficult position. I know he is your brother but what he is doing is very wrong. Do you think it would be easier to tell your mum if you went with a friend you had confided in, or wrote her a letter. The abuse will be what is messing with the physical relationship with your boyfriend. I know this must be very difficult but you are a child and he is doing something really bad. Please think if there is any way you can tell a safe adult, even if it is not your Mum. Look after yourself.

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Re: (Older brother - younger sister) Is it rape??

Postby Chucky » Sun May 01, 2011 7:42 pm

Hey,

Something will have to change here. Your brother must learn that what he is doing is wrong. Your mother should be helping you much more than she is, and/or the police should be involved. You don't deserve to suffer in this way. You did not do anything wrong. Your brother is doing everything wrong, and should be punished.

Sorry, but action must be taken here. your life and body cannot suffer like this anymore. I suggest that you talk to your mother and demand that she do something, or that you get the help of your boyfriend to report what's happening to the police.

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Re: (Older brother - younger sister) Is it rape??

Postby Moonie » Mon May 02, 2011 1:37 pm

I guess this is a good time to mention that my family is kind of tearing apart at the seams already. I don't really wish for my parent's to quarrel over this matter (and they probably will, if they knew). My mom and dad have drifted quite far apart and I also don't wish to cause more complications into their problems. It may lead to the divorce they've been threatening for quite long.

Another thing that causes me to hide this truth is probably because of my self-confidence. What will happen if news leaked out to my friends? My self-confidence is originally very low, if news of this ever came into my friends knowledge, I believe my self-confidence and self-esteem would plummet even lower. In other words, I'd be ashamed.

Still, I'm quite glad that there's a site like this to unburden myself to people who have also had similar experiences and thus won't scorn me or anything along that line.
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Re: (Older brother - younger sister) Is it rape??

Postby EarlGreyDregs » Mon May 02, 2011 2:12 pm

Moonie: I can see that this is a VERY difficult situation for you. But I agree with Cracked & Chucky. You need to tell your mother, another adult or have your boyfriend call the police. This isn't just abuse, this is, indeed, rape. Saying that he forces himself on you is dangerous for you. This really needs to stop.

I'm sure your boyfriend must understand your difficulties with having sex, am I right? If so, I'm assuming he'd be patient with you. I'd suggest going to some therapy that could help you with the situation & go over the abuse so you could resume a good sex life.

I know you don't want your self-esteem to plummet if your friends found out. But if they are true friends, they should support you & not think less of you. But, what is more damaging to your self-esteem, your friends finding out, or your brother degrading you by forcing himself on you? Personally, I have an inkling that the latter is what produced your lack of self-esteem. I hope I'm not being too harsh, but sometimes one must be cruel to be kind.

I was abused by my brother as well. So I understand perfectly the difficulty & contradiction in the relationship. Caring about him & such.
..
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Re: (Older brother - younger sister) Is it rape??

Postby CrackedGirl » Mon May 02, 2011 2:43 pm

You are taking so much responsibility on your shoulders. What will happen with your brother, what will happen with your family, what will happen with your friends. At the moment the most important thing is keeping you safe. Once you have told you will get help to help you deal with all the fallout from this. Please keep safe and tell someone.

Thinking of you

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Re: (Older brother - younger sister) Is it rape??

Postby Moonie » Tue May 03, 2011 4:01 am

Even if I don't do anything, the current problem will still resolve itself. My brother is going overseas to continue his studies, so I probably won't see him often. Still, there's the time frame to consider, but I think he's too busy with work and I think I can hold on until he leaves.

My boyfriend is, indeed, patient with me and he understands my problems. I have no complaint with that.

As for my friends, I said that I confided in some of my closest friends, and all but my current boyfriend simply brushed it off in horror and either completely ignore the subject and pretend to forget I ever told them, or they stop talking to me completely. Knowing my other friends' personalities, their reactions are likely to be similar.
Last edited by Moonie on Sun Jul 03, 2011 2:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: (Older brother - younger sister) Is it rape??

Postby CrackedGirl » Tue May 03, 2011 12:54 pm

From now til September is a long time. One of the things about reporting it is you will get some help with dealing with it and the earlier this happens the better. We are here for you. I am glad your boyfriend is good.

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