Our partner

Toddler sexually abused by father PLEASE READ

Open Discussions About Sexual Abuse and Incest.

Moderators: scepticalblahblah, narcbolan, salted lipstick, CrackedGirl, Restored

Forum rules
You are entering a forum that contains discussions of abuse, some of which are explicit in nature. The topics discussed may be triggering to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum.

Toddler sexually abused by father PLEASE READ

Postby Mel1219 » Thu Sep 30, 2010 12:33 am

Hello everyone. I don't know what to do and someone, please respond to me. I have been ignored in other forums.
My daughter is 3 1/2. Her father and i split up when she was 1. We no court orders, only verbal agreements. We are very civil and friendly with eachother. The agreement we reached was that she would spend a week with me and a week with him until she started school, at which point she would be with me primarily and he would get to see her every other weekend.

Well, about a year ago, i noticed that she started acting funny when i changed her diaper. She just acted really nervous and scared. I thought maybe she was just uncomfortable being naked...

Then, she began teaking the clothes off all of her toys and touching herself at night. Again, something i attributed to normal toddler behavior.

When she was about 2, i got her own bed. I asked her father to do the same, but he wouldnt and to this day he still says, "i like that she sleeps in my bed, it's just not a big deal". OK, fair enough.

Well, she is with me right now. Yesterday, she kept sticking some toy inbetween her legs and saying, "this is how we tease her" that concerned me. Then she told me that her privates hurt. So i told her to lay down and take off her panties so i could see if maybe she had a yeast infection. She was terrified to the point of squeezing her legs together and crying. I checked her and saw no signs of redness or swelling or discharge. Concerned with how nervous she was, i asked her:
Has anyone ever touched you? "daddy"
With what? "his finger"
Why? "because he loves me."
Is he just looking to see if you need medicine? "no."
When does he touch you? "at night in his bed"
are you wearing panties when he does it? "no, but he only does it a little"

i called CPS and the police. It's like a bomb threat...i gotta take it seriously...but what are the odds that she's lying? She is a toddler, and an imaginative one at that. She once told me she needed dialysis (her maw maw gets dialysis). But the words she told me in the conext she used them...those concepts should be foreign to a toddler...i dunno what to think.
Mel1219
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Sep 30, 2010 12:06 am
Local time: Tue Sep 02, 2014 11:45 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Toddler sexually abused by father PLEASE READ

Postby benedictus57 » Thu Sep 30, 2010 3:41 am

If this story you write of concern is valid and you being the child's mother looking sincerely at protecting your toddlers best interests, then I would definitely address this with a social worker. This is your chief responsibility as a real mother.
I certainly don't think a 3 and a half year old young child makes up stories about her Daddy touching her around her bottom or vagina.
If you as a loving concerned true mother ignore the fact that her Daddy is doing this, what further mental damage is this going to do in the future to your daughter. What do you think is going to happen if this behavior of her father is allowed to persist?

Its just a matter of time when his meddling finger is going to be replaced by his disgusting penis.
PLEASE SEE A SOCIAL WORKER! ("And Bring Your Daughter With You") You Owe That To Your Daughter. THIS IS CHILD ABUSE.
It takes courage to live through suffering; and it takes honesty to observe it. C. S. Lewis
To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.
G. K. Chesterton.
benedictus57
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 122
Joined: Sat Sep 18, 2010 7:54 pm
Local time: Tue Sep 02, 2014 8:45 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Toddler sexually abused by father PLEASE READ

Postby Mel1219 » Thu Sep 30, 2010 4:03 am

I have contacted the police and made a report. I also called juvenile protective services. They told me no further action can be taken until she is evaluated by a doctor. now the only problem is that she has been here for a week and i doubt any physical trauma would be evident at this point. Also, the place i would have to take her regarding the nature of the issue (her pediatrician told me that since this is an abuse issue, she would have to been seen by child psychologist) can't see her til November. I was told by both the police and JPS that i shouldn't tell her father about this until something more concrete is established, and (apparently) i can't let her go back there. She's supposed to go back to him on Saturday. I can tell him she's sick, but that will only buy me a week at the most, after that he is going to get suspicious.
Her father and I actually have a very civil and friendly relationship. In regards to that, my daughter is lucky she is not constantly shuffled between warring parents. i don't want to accuse him of something that he didn't do because something of this calibur would cause a definite rift between us. But, this is like a bomb threat and I have to take it seriously. My daugher doesn't get much exposure to television outside of Barney and World Word, so it's not like she could have fabricated this story from somthing she heard on tv. Not only that, as imaginative as she is, she doesn't flat-out lie, ever. And she doesn't have the exposure to know to say the phrases she did. Her mind is too clean to make that up. She shouldn't associate the word "tease" with her genital area. I hope for her sake it isn't true, but something is telling me to believe her.
I made all the necessary calls and at this point i can only play it by ear. I'm so repulsed and disgusted and enraged and i feel like there's nothing i can do about it at all. I feel chained to a wall.
Mel1219
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Sep 30, 2010 12:06 am
Local time: Tue Sep 02, 2014 11:45 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Toddler sexually abused by father PLEASE READ

Postby benedictus57 » Thu Sep 30, 2010 4:48 am

Mel1219 wrote:I have contacted the police and made a report. I also called juvenile protective services. They told me no further action can be taken until she is evaluated by a doctor. now the only problem is that she has been here for a week and i doubt any physical trauma would be evident at this point. Also, the place i would have to take her regarding the nature of the issue (her pediatrician told me that since this is an abuse issue, she would have to been seen by child psychologist) can't see her til November. I was told by both the police and JPS that i shouldn't tell her father about this until something more concrete is established, and (apparently) i can't let her go back there. She's supposed to go back to him on Saturday. I can tell him she's sick, but that will only buy me a week at the most, after that he is going to get suspicious.
Her father and I actually have a very civil and friendly relationship. In regards to that, my daughter is lucky she is not constantly shuffled between warring parents. i don't want to accuse him of something that he didn't do because something of this calibur would cause a definite rift between us. But, this is like a bomb threat and I have to take it seriously. My daugher doesn't get much exposure to television outside of Barney and World Word, so it's not like she could have fabricated this story from somthing she heard on tv. Not only that, as imaginative as she is, she doesn't flat-out lie, ever. And she doesn't have the exposure to know to say the phrases she did. Her mind is too clean to make that up. She shouldn't associate the word "tease" with her genital area. I hope for her sake it isn't true, but something is telling me to believe her.
I made all the necessary calls and at this point i can only play it by ear. I'm so repulsed and disgusted and enraged and i feel like there's nothing i can do about it at all. I feel chained to a wall.

.........................................................................................................................................................

Hello Mel;

Reading everything your writing about here has me somewhat flabbergasted. I'm not questioning your integrity here.
Please forgive me but by Juvenile Protection Services I'm assuming your speaking about Social Workers protecting children"s safety and well being. Sigh! I'm scratching my head here trying to understand the reactions of the police and JPS.

My daugher doesn't get much exposure to television outside of Barney and World Word, so it's not like she could have fabricated this story from somthing she heard on tv. Not only that, as imaginative as she is, she doesn't flat-out lie, ever. And she doesn't have the exposure to know to say the phrases she did. Her mind is too clean to make that up. She shouldn't associate the word "tease" with her genital area.


Your right; a child at the age of 3 and a half doesn't imagine someone out of the ordinary touching or fondling their privates.

Are the police and JPS taking your concerns seriously about your 3 and half year old daughter. In my country Canada a social worker or JPS specialized ii children protection have ways to find out through examination combined with child-hood behavioral actions validating if molestation is happening to a child. The child in question would be an immediate priority. No waiting time involved.
Even a social worker has studied basic psychology skills and has a basic understanding of telltale childhood molestation.

I guess I'm somewhat shocked that your case is being put on a back-burner waiting time until November. Have the police questioned the child's father? No doubt he would plead innocent if he is guilty.

If you as a mother suspect your toddler daughter is being molested are you able to mainstay your custody of the child instead of the child seeing the father?

I sincerely hope everything for your child's safety goes well in your favor and best interests.
Take Good Care
Chris
It takes courage to live through suffering; and it takes honesty to observe it. C. S. Lewis
To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.
G. K. Chesterton.
benedictus57
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 122
Joined: Sat Sep 18, 2010 7:54 pm
Local time: Tue Sep 02, 2014 8:45 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Toddler sexually abused by father PLEASE READ

Postby Mel1219 » Thu Sep 30, 2010 5:06 am

I live in New Orleans and when i asked the child welfare center (these are child psychologists my pediatrician directed me to) why they couldn't see me until November, they said because their totally backed up with appointments of this nature (which is disgusting). The police said that aside from creating a report, nothing at all can be done because there is no evidence. its like the question at hand is the reliability of what a toddler says. I'm being told that that can be a problem.
How would they go about proving it if there was no concrete evidence?
Please don't question my integrity. I have made call after call after call. Clearly, she won't be going back to her father's house again. There is no court order and no paperwork stating a custody agreement, so legally i don't have to bring her back to him. But, i know that if the case is disregarded because they all have is a toddler's word and no hard evidence, her father is going to try to take from me permenantly. I really believe something is going on. I'm terrified of what he's going to do when i tell him what's happening.
I can't force the authorities to deal with me in any way other than what they see fit. The center for children's welfare did say they would try everything to expedite my case, but not to get my hopes up. I have been talking to other social workers (this all happened within the last 24 hours) and am being told they will see what they can do to help me.
I just hope that whoever i end up speaking to will grasp that a toddler should have no concept of thoughts like that in their head and not just disregard it as fantasy. I'm so scared for my little girl. i have the feeling that things are going to get really ugly really soon. I'm scared of what this could do to her/ already has done to her.
Mel1219
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Sep 30, 2010 12:06 am
Local time: Tue Sep 02, 2014 11:45 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Toddler sexually abused by father PLEASE READ

Postby LazyOCD » Thu Sep 30, 2010 9:44 am

OMG I am so so so sorry for what you are going through and what has obviously happened to your precious girl. It's my own worst nightmare as a mother of 2 girls who was molested herself as a child, because I know what it did to me.
I am so glad you are doing all the right things 1/believing her. You are right - she is too young to be using words like "tease" in relation to that area and too young to make up something like that. I mean why would she anyway? If she had a normal relationship with her father and liked spending time with him. It doesn't make sense. Also all the answers eg "because he loves me" are exactly what he would say to her. I know. It's the language of abusers - "I'm doing this because I love you". It's disgusting. He is very sick and you are doing the right thing by not letting her stay with him.
I really don't understand what the police and CPS expect you to do.. .they say they need concrete evidence. What the? Do they expect you to let her stay there so they can bust him in the act?! How do they expect to get concrete evidence? Hook your daughter up to a lie detector machine? OMG They cannot let it happen again. Obviously he is going to wonder why he isn't allowed to have her! Are they just dumb or what?! It really makes my blood boil.
And I can imagine it's not going to be easy for you now, to communicate with him as normal and pretend like nothing is wrong. So he's going to know something is up.
I have no idea how I would deal with this. So unfortunately I don't have any advice for that.
I hope CPS and the police deal with this swiftly.
Also, in relation to him going for custody if he's found not guilty in court... there HAS to be something that can be done to prevent that happening. Please speak to as many professionals as you can - CPS, police, lawyer etc
If you want to talk to me send me a message on here. I am here to listen and support you however I can.
I know I would gocrazy if it was me. I'd probably try to take my girls overseas or just run away with them and hope that no one ever found us. But I know you can't do that. :(
LazyOCD
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 46
Joined: Thu Sep 23, 2010 2:51 am
Local time: Wed Sep 03, 2014 11:45 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Toddler sexually abused by father PLEASE READ

Postby benedictus57 » Thu Sep 30, 2010 10:08 am

Mel1219 wrote:I live in New Orleans and when i asked the child welfare center (these are child psychologists my pediatrician directed me to) why they couldn't see me until November, they said because their totally backed up with appointments of this nature (which is disgusting). The police said that aside from creating a report, nothing at all can be done because there is no evidence. its like the question at hand is the reliability of what a toddler says. I'm being told that that can be a problem.
How would they go about proving it if there was no concrete evidence?
Please don't question my integrity. I have made call after call after call. Clearly, she won't be going back to her father's house again. There is no court order and no paperwork stating a custody agreement, so legally i don't have to bring her back to him. But, i know that if the case is disregarded because they all have is a toddler's word and no hard evidence, her father is going to try to take from me permanently. I really believe something is going on. I'm terrified of what he's going to do when i tell him what's happening.
I can't force the authorities to deal with me in any way other than what they see fit. The center for children's welfare did say they would try everything to expedite my case, but not to get my hopes up. I have been talking to other social workers (this all happened within the last 24 hours) and am being told they will see what they can do to help me.
I just hope that whoever i end up speaking to will grasp that a toddler should have no concept of thoughts like that in their head and not just disregard it as fantasy. I'm so scared for my little girl. i have the feeling that things are going to get really ugly really soon. I'm scared of what this could do to her/ already has done to her.


.........................................................................................................................................................

Hello Mel;

I live in New Orleans and when i asked the child welfare center (these are child psychologists my pediatrician directed me to) why they couldn't see me until November, they said because their totally backed up with appointments of this nature (which is disgusting).


Yes it is both sad disgusting that authorities can't see you right away. You reside in a fairly large city of One and a Quarter Million people. I suppose with the awful effects of Hurricane Katrina and all the remaining devastation, has bled civil resources thin in many areas, including Child ("Welfare") Social Services. Perhaps this is one of the regrettable reasons why you and your child have been put on the waiting back-burner.

Please don't question my integrity.


Mel; I'm NOT questioning your integrity at all. You through NO fault of your own have been caught between a rock and a hard place. It's just so sad that you've forced to wait for help with your child.

The police said that aside from creating a report, nothing at all can be done because there is no evidence. its like the question at hand is the reliability of what a toddler says. I'm being told that that can be a problem.
How would they go about proving it if there was no concrete evidence?


The problem of finding evidence with your child can take time. It's natural for young toddlers to fear strangers they don't know enough to trust, even if it is a soft spoken female police officer or social worker asking questions whether the mother is in the room next to her child or not. Given the fact of what your child has disclosed to you her mother this unnatural touching, its obvious both you and even your child at three and a half is psychologically disturbed about this molestation.

Code: Select all
[b]There is no court order and no paperwork stating a custody agreement, so legally i don't have to bring her back to him. But, i know that if the case is disregarded because they all have is a toddler's word and no hard evidence, her father is going to try to take from me permanently. I really believe something is going on. I'm terrified of what he's going to do when i tell him what's happening.[/b]


You mention that the JPS and the police will disregard your toddlers word and no immediate evidence. I don't believe Investigations of possible child molestation is a quick open a shut end case. It is sad where you live that JPS services are stretched to their limit.

The father of your child has no power to take your child away from you permanently. He would have to prove unequivocally in a court of law that you are a unfit mother which you are not.

I just hope that whoever i end up speaking to will grasp that a toddler should have no concept of thoughts like that in their head and not just disregard it as fantasy. I'm so scared for my little girl.


I very much understand how you feel. Do you have a sister, brother, or trusted friend living nearby that can help you out until this mess is sorted out to feel safe?

Take Care of Yourself and your Child
Sincerely
Chris
It takes courage to live through suffering; and it takes honesty to observe it. C. S. Lewis
To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.
G. K. Chesterton.
benedictus57
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 122
Joined: Sat Sep 18, 2010 7:54 pm
Local time: Tue Sep 02, 2014 8:45 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Toddler sexually abused by father PLEASE READ

Postby Mel1219 » Thu Sep 30, 2010 9:54 pm

Thanks for the support. I called the Center for At Risk Children and my official appointment was for the middle of December. But, because of the situation, they put me at the top of their priority list, an appointment was cancelled and now I have the appointment for 10:30 tomorrow morning. I'm nervous about what's going to happen and what to tell my daughter. Understand that she is only 3 1/2 and the abuser was her father. She loves him to death and probably doesn't realize that the experience was abnormal and unhealthy. I don't know what i'm suppose to tell her with regards to the possibility of not seeing her father anymore. It's going to break her heart.
Mel1219
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Sep 30, 2010 12:06 am
Local time: Tue Sep 02, 2014 11:45 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Toddler sexually abused by father PLEASE READ

Postby Mel1219 » Thu Sep 30, 2010 11:19 pm

I have one more question with regards to all of this, and it's not that i think she is lying, i truly believe something is going on here, but: What are the chances she is lying? She's 3...she doesn't lie often but has an active imagination. I've tried looking up how often it is that a toddler will lie about sexual abuse, but i'm having trouble finding resources. Do toddlers often lie about this kind of thing? I repeat: I DO NOT THINK SHE IS LYING.
Mel1219
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Sep 30, 2010 12:06 am
Local time: Tue Sep 02, 2014 11:45 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Toddler sexually abused by father PLEASE READ

Postby benedictus57 » Fri Oct 01, 2010 12:41 am

Mel1219 wrote:I have one more question with regards to all of this, and it's not that i think she is lying, i truly believe something is going on here, but: What are the chances she is lying? She's 3...she doesn't lie often but has an active imagination. I've tried looking up how often it is that a toddler will lie about sexual abuse, but i'm having trouble finding resources. Do toddlers often lie about this kind of thing? I repeat: I DO NOT THINK SHE IS LYING.


Hello Mel;

I'm very happy for you that your getting immediate professional help for your daughter.

Just want to say that I understand your nervousnes but try to remain calm.
I mean NO disrespect whatsoever; but, I think you letting you fears of questioning whether your daughter is lying run away from you.
From everything you have written thus far in this thread I personally don't believe your 3 and a half year old daughter is lying.
Your daughter doesn't possess the advanced faculty of reason to make up such a story.
Only children who are over the age of seven begin to understand this faculty of the age of reason.
Your child is innocent.
It takes courage to live through suffering; and it takes honesty to observe it. C. S. Lewis
To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.
G. K. Chesterton.
benedictus57
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 122
Joined: Sat Sep 18, 2010 7:54 pm
Local time: Tue Sep 02, 2014 8:45 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Sexual Abuse and Incest Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot] and 213 guests

cron