Hi. I just read your post. I just thought I'd share my experiences, because they may help you. I'm female and 18 now. Sorry - I know it's long.
When I was 7-9 my brother and I were sexually abused. After the abuse stopped, my brother and I continued to be sexual with each other and then when I was about 10 I touched my cousin who was a few years younger than me a few times. I knew it was wrong, but I had no idea how wrong it was. It was something I had been doing for a while and I thought other kids did it. I tried to get people in my class at school to do stuff as well, but when they said they didn't want to, I started to realise it was really wrong to be doing it, so I stopped it all. I was about 12 then.
For years after I carried the guilt of all this. I thought I must be a terrible person, absolute scum. I was terrified that I'd hurt my cousin and terrified of the consequences for me. But worse than that was the guilt, shame, loneliness and self-hatred.
When I was 15 I told people of the abuse and told a counsellor about everything that had happened. She said my cousin may have forgotten all about it (since what I did to her wasn't very extreme - it wasn't to the same extent that I was abused) and my counsellor considered it experimentation in this case, rather than abuse. She said it's better in my case not to bring it up with my cousin incase she has forgotten about it.
She said I should forgive myself, which I have. And I think you should do the same. It took years of work, but I wasn't fully aware of the consequences of my actions and there is no possible way I could have been. I would
never touch a child sexually now. I have absolutely no desire to. I'm a good person and so are you by the sounds of it, so please don't feel like you're scum. I know from personal experience that that is a million times easier said than done, but I'm hoping you'll get there.
Anyway, I would write more, but it's 3am and I'm off to bed. This post is already quite long (sorry about that) and I think I got most of the important stuff across.