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Remorseful and ashamed for the immoral acts that I committed

Open Discussions About Sexual Abuse and Incest.

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You are entering a forum that contains discussions of abuse, some of which are explicit in nature. The topics discussed may be triggering to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum. If you are posting about actions of yours which you feel are/were abusive please post about this in The Remorse Forum. If you have been falsely accused of abusing someone please post in the For Those Falsely Accused of Abusing thread.

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Re: Remorseful and ashamed for the immoral acts that I committed

Postby twistermind » Thu Jul 15, 2010 2:00 pm

Hello,
I have just read your post, a bit late but I´d like to tell you something.
You don´t need to worry about anything you did in kindergarden. I´m not an infant teacher but my co-workers told me about sexual behaviours of their little pupils. They are completely normal, they are discovering the world and they have no limits. They learn these limits with age. ok? Don´t worry about that.

Then, in relation to the sexual impulses when you were 11 and 12. You have learnt the lesson. I´m sure many of us had a sexual experience more or less dressed-up as a game.
In the way you are giving so much importance, I would talk about it to a professional, but I never say this to your friends. Perhaps, They never realized and knowing that now could be a harm for them.
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Re: Remorseful and ashamed for the immoral acts that I committed

Postby StrugglingToWalk » Wed Jul 28, 2010 11:59 am

Jasmin,

My friend did reply back and she said that she was sorry for not being more aware of how big of a deal this issue is for me.

TwistedMind:

Thank you for extending your kindness and helping me feel better. I really appreciate what you have said and I will take your advise very seriously.
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Re: Remorseful and ashamed for the immoral acts that I committed

Postby jasmin » Wed Jul 28, 2010 1:42 pm

I'm glad she's giving this more attention now. Are you doing ok?
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Re: Remorseful and ashamed for the immoral acts that I committed

Postby caz » Tue Aug 03, 2010 1:44 am

Hi. I just read your post. I just thought I'd share my experiences, because they may help you. I'm female and 18 now. Sorry - I know it's long.

When I was 7-9 my brother and I were sexually abused. After the abuse stopped, my brother and I continued to be sexual with each other and then when I was about 10 I touched my cousin who was a few years younger than me a few times. I knew it was wrong, but I had no idea how wrong it was. It was something I had been doing for a while and I thought other kids did it. I tried to get people in my class at school to do stuff as well, but when they said they didn't want to, I started to realise it was really wrong to be doing it, so I stopped it all. I was about 12 then.

For years after I carried the guilt of all this. I thought I must be a terrible person, absolute scum. I was terrified that I'd hurt my cousin and terrified of the consequences for me. But worse than that was the guilt, shame, loneliness and self-hatred.

When I was 15 I told people of the abuse and told a counsellor about everything that had happened. She said my cousin may have forgotten all about it (since what I did to her wasn't very extreme - it wasn't to the same extent that I was abused) and my counsellor considered it experimentation in this case, rather than abuse. She said it's better in my case not to bring it up with my cousin incase she has forgotten about it.

She said I should forgive myself, which I have. And I think you should do the same. It took years of work, but I wasn't fully aware of the consequences of my actions and there is no possible way I could have been. I would never touch a child sexually now. I have absolutely no desire to. I'm a good person and so are you by the sounds of it, so please don't feel like you're scum. I know from personal experience that that is a million times easier said than done, but I'm hoping you'll get there.

Anyway, I would write more, but it's 3am and I'm off to bed. This post is already quite long (sorry about that) and I think I got most of the important stuff across. :)
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Re: Remorseful and ashamed for the immoral acts that I committed

Postby StrugglingToWalk » Tue Aug 24, 2010 12:54 pm

Jasmin- I am doing ok. Thanks for asking. It has been really rough at times, but I've been blessed with some new hope from recent experiences. I'm nowhere near out of this deep dark hole, but I'm trying real hard to not let it beat me and keep me down.

Caz-

Thank you for reaching out and offering up your experiences to help me cope with my feelings. You are a good person to offer help to a stranger. I am sorry that you were abused as a child. I was also emotionally and physically abused as a kid. I also feel that because of the tyrannical relationship that my father kept with my mother, sex became an objectified act to me instead of an act of a higher human expression. In my search for answers as to why I did what I did, I came across an article that stated that nearly all of juveniles who carry out inappropriate sexual acts (such as myself at the time), were abused. The correlation between abuse and the abuser and the fact that I was a kid should serve as facts to help me move towards forgiving myself, but the truth is that I still haven't. I'm getting off topic here though. Its amazing that you found the grace to forgive yourself and I think very highly of you because of it. Hopefully I'm not too far behind miss. Take care.
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Re: Remorseful and ashamed for the immoral acts that I committed

Postby jasmin » Tue Aug 24, 2010 7:34 pm

Struggling, maybe if you do things for yourself, you'll feel better. Find something that you enjoy, go out with friends you care about. I don't think you ruined any one's life and you deserve to find some peace and comfort.
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