Our partner

was i sexually abused? i can't remember

Open Discussions About Sexual Abuse and Incest.

Moderators: scepticalblahblah, salted lipstick, narcbolan, CrackedGirl, Restored

Forum rules
You are entering a forum that contains discussions of abuse, some of which are explicit in nature. The topics discussed may be triggering to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum.

was i sexually abused? i can't remember

Postby mellowyellow » Sun Nov 29, 2009 4:39 am

There are a couple things that make me think I was sexually abused and it's really weird for me to write about them but here it goes. When I was little from around first to fourth or fifth grade I used to make ups stories in my head about a man kidnapping girls and basically keeping them as sex slaves, I think I spent a lot of time thinking about it and when I played with my dolls I would act it out. I obviously didn't really understand it but I knew that I had to hide it from my mom and teachers. I remember even when I was only in first grade I knew I had to hide it from my teacher. I felt really guilty about it but I couldn't stop myself from thinking about it. I also started masturbating a lot at a very young age, maybe when I was in fourth grade and I would feel extremely guilty and disgusted with myself for doing it.

I started having sex when I was fourteen and afterwards I would always end up crying and feeling gross. I have also been extremely depressed, at times suicidal since middle school and now I’m addicted to drugs. I've tried going to a therapist, but I’m afraid to talk to her about this because it might not have even happened. I have some very vague memories of someone putting their hand in my bathing suit at the beach, but it's almost nothing. Even if something did happen I don't see how it could affect me if I can't remember it.

I just wanted to see what other people thought because I’m not sure what to think.
mellowyellow
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2009 12:12 am
Local time: Tue Sep 30, 2014 4:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: was i sexually abused? i can't remember

Postby jasmin » Sun Nov 29, 2009 8:35 am

Hi, mellowyellow! If something did happen, it can affect you a lot even if you don't remember much. Your body remembers. You should trust your feelings and your memories and try to deal with this. Look for a therapist who has experience with this and make sure it's someone who cares about your feelings and wants to help.
It will be good for you to talk and make sense of things here too and you are welcome to do that.
forum-rules.php
I am sorry I am not on the forum as much as I used to be, if I do not reply to you quickly, please contact another moderator/supermod/admin as well.
User avatar
jasmin
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 15541
Joined: Thu Feb 15, 2007 1:59 pm
Local time: Tue Sep 30, 2014 9:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: was i sexually abused? i can't remember

Postby Shattered_Crystals » Sun Nov 29, 2009 7:39 pm

If you black out memories same goes for memory of sexual abuse, it still can bother you. Blacking out about sexual abuse for too long can have long lasting bad results.
User avatar
Shattered_Crystals
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 463
Joined: Fri Oct 02, 2009 9:58 pm
Local time: Tue Sep 30, 2014 9:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: was i sexually abused? i can't remember

Postby mellowyellow » Mon Nov 30, 2009 12:19 am

thanks guys, i guess what i'm asking is do you think that i was sexually abused. There is the thing from the beach that i remember but that could have been just like a one time thing. I don't really remember my childhood much so i don't know if anything happend. Does it sound like i might have been abused or am i just getting worked up over nothing?
mellowyellow
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2009 12:12 am
Local time: Tue Sep 30, 2014 4:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: was i sexually abused? i can't remember

Postby jasmin » Mon Nov 30, 2009 1:42 pm

The thing from the beach is abuse and it doesn't matter if it only happened once, it can have a big effect on someone. Was/is there any one that you feel really uncomfortable around?
forum-rules.php
I am sorry I am not on the forum as much as I used to be, if I do not reply to you quickly, please contact another moderator/supermod/admin as well.
User avatar
jasmin
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 15541
Joined: Thu Feb 15, 2007 1:59 pm
Local time: Tue Sep 30, 2014 9:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: was i sexually abused? i can't remember

Postby mellowyellow » Tue Dec 01, 2009 2:11 am

well i've always been kinda scared of my uncle, but i don't remember him ever actually doing anything so theres really no reason for me to think he ever did anything. I might have gone to the beach with him once, but i don't really think that was the same time, i don't know though. i really can't remember much of my childhood. Is there anything i could do to try to remember? And am i maybe better off not remembering should i just try to forget it?
mellowyellow
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 25
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2009 12:12 am
Local time: Tue Sep 30, 2014 4:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: was i sexually abused? i can't remember

Postby Shattered_Crystals » Tue Dec 01, 2009 3:37 am

mellowyellow wrote:well i've always been kinda scared of my uncle, but i don't remember him ever actually doing anything so theres really no reason for me to think he ever did anything. I might have gone to the beach with him once, but i don't really think that was the same time, i don't know though. i really can't remember much of my childhood. Is there anything i could do to try to remember? And am i maybe better off not remembering should i just try to forget it?


You shouldn't try to forget it. Hypnosis can bring back memories. On many occasions though people end up planting false memories, which causes tons of harm. Through all the 5 senses, memories can get remembered again,
User avatar
Shattered_Crystals
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 463
Joined: Fri Oct 02, 2009 9:58 pm
Local time: Tue Sep 30, 2014 9:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: was i sexually abused? i can't remember

Postby NGofCS » Wed Dec 02, 2009 8:45 am

When I was little from around first to fourth or fifth grade I used to make ups stories in my head about a man kidnapping girls and basically keeping them as sex slaves, I think I spent a lot of time thinking about it and when I played with my dolls I would act it out. ...I knew that I had to hide it from my mom and teachers. ...I also started masturbating a lot at a very young age, maybe when I was in fourth grade and I would feel extremely guilty and disgusted with myself for doing it.


This doesn't confirm or deny, but I can tell you that I was sexually abused, multiple times (not by a relative, to the best of my knowledge), and I have similar memories from when I was a child. These aren't things young kids would typically think of, even if it's a particularly creative child. Something generally has to happen before these become common for that child. My Barbies spent a lot of time naked together when I was little; not thrown into a pile, but actually arranged so that Ken was facing Barbie. I hid them as best I could, but mom would find them from time to time, and make a smart comment about it. It was worse when she found my drawings of naked people, including an erect man. I was probably 9 or 10 the first time I remember drawing one of those.

I have events that I only remember because I happened to keep a journal, and I felt compelled to write them down. Otherwise, they would have long since been forgotten.

Point is, just because you don't remember it, doesn't mean it didn't happen. But be careful; the human mind is just as capable of creating a memory that wasn't. If you're not comfortable around your uncle, it's possible that he did something to you. It's also possible, though, that you just don't feel comfortable around him.

I've thought about hypnosis myself. If I do that, I would work with someone I felt I could trust, someone who I was confident wouldn't plant false memories. Honestly, unless it's someone who's already got a stake in you having such memories, I can't imagine anyone would do that.
“I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.”
- Galileo Galilei

They call me...Threadkiller!!!
User avatar
NGofCS
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 227
Joined: Tue Oct 13, 2009 1:52 pm
Local time: Tue Sep 30, 2014 3:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: was i sexually abused? i can't remember

Postby bruceselfhelpguy » Wed Dec 02, 2009 11:40 am

I started having sex when I was fourteen and afterwards I would always end up crying and feeling gross. I have also been extremely depressed, at times suicidal since middle school and now I’m addicted to drugs. I've tried going to a therapist, but I’m afraid to talk to her about this because it might not have even happened. I have some very vague memories of someone putting their hand in my bathing suit at the beach, but it's almost nothing. Even if something did happen I don't see how it could affect me if I can't remember it.


What you're describing sounds a lot like old memories coming back to you. It's a common phenomenon among abuse survivors (from what I've read, I'm not a psychologist). Plus, having sex at an early age along with the crying, depression, and drugs seems to indicate if not abuse, then something is going on.

Please see a therapist or other mental health professional to help you work through this.
favorite site: http://www.zentactics.com

Do not take my advice, or anyone else's, before talking to your doctor/counselor/other professional. Depending on where you live, you may be able to find free, confidential care. And most importantly, sometimes your therapist can be wrong. So get a second opinion.
bruceselfhelpguy
Consumer 3
Consumer 3
 
Posts: 76
Joined: Sun Jun 21, 2009 7:46 pm
Local time: Tue Sep 30, 2014 9:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: was i sexually abused? i can't remember

Postby Shattered_Crystals » Wed Dec 02, 2009 1:10 pm

NGofCS wrote:
When I was little from around first to fourth or fifth grade I used to make ups stories in my head about a man kidnapping girls and basically keeping them as sex slaves, I think I spent a lot of time thinking about it and when I played with my dolls I would act it out. ...I knew that I had to hide it from my mom and teachers. ...I also started masturbating a lot at a very young age, maybe when I was in fourth grade and I would feel extremely guilty and disgusted with myself for doing it.


This doesn't confirm or deny, but I can tell you that I was sexually abused, multiple times (not by a relative, to the best of my knowledge), and I have similar memories from when I was a child. These aren't things young kids would typically think of, even if it's a particularly creative child. Something generally has to happen before these become common for that child. My Barbies spent a lot of time naked together when I was little; not thrown into a pile, but actually arranged so that Ken was facing Barbie. I hid them as best I could, but mom would find them from time to time, and make a smart comment about it. It was worse when she found my drawings of naked people, including an erect man. I was probably 9 or 10 the first time I remember drawing one of those.

I have events that I only remember because I happened to keep a journal, and I felt compelled to write them down. Otherwise, they would have long since been forgotten.

Point is, just because you don't remember it, doesn't mean it didn't happen. But be careful; the human mind is just as capable of creating a memory that wasn't. If you're not comfortable around your uncle, it's possible that he did something to you. It's also possible, though, that you just don't feel comfortable around him.

I've thought about hypnosis myself. If I do that, I would work with someone I felt I could trust, someone who I was confident wouldn't plant false memories. Honestly, unless it's someone who's already got a stake in you having such memories, I can't imagine anyone would do that.


Hypnosises intentionally planting false memories, is common.
User avatar
Shattered_Crystals
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 463
Joined: Fri Oct 02, 2009 9:58 pm
Local time: Tue Sep 30, 2014 9:52 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Sexual Abuse and Incest Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 155 guests

cron