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How do I recover suppressed memories?

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How do I recover suppressed memories?

Postby grilldcheez » Fri Apr 03, 2009 10:19 pm

Since my teens, I have always been very drawn to stories of sexual abuse. I always ended up feeling dark and dirty, but was drawn nevertheless.

As an adult, I have learned about the abundance of molestation and sexual abuse that has gone on in my family, with siblings and relatives. As a child, I was often around people who were abusers. I don't recall any overt sexual abuse happening to me, though I do recall it happening to others.

There was a time when I was 5 that a friend's father was rough-housing with me. I don't remember anything except that I was suddenly hurt and had to crawl home. I was hospitalized for something unrelated the same day.

A year later, after school was let out, I remember two older (unknown) youths (males) grabbed me when I was on a swing. I remember nothing else that happened, except the sky being gloomy, and discovering myself on the ground, among fallen leaves. I was disoriented.

When I was 8 or 9, a leader from church took several of us kids to his ranch. The memory is vague, but what I do remember is being taken alone (or with one other boy) into a room, and being tickled. I remember kicking. It was uncomfortable, but I don't remember much of anything else, other than being angry that I was being tickled, and quite roughly.

Shortly after this, I found myself driven to put other's penises in my mouth. I had no idea why, except that I felt I needed to do it. I felt like a bad person for wanting it, but wanted it anyway. I found ways to make it happen, even once sneaking into my parents room when my father was asleep, and putting my mouth on his penis, and then running out before he could wake up (I am male). I remember feeling deeply ashamed, but driven. I had no other sexual desire, and I didn't even know what an orgasm was. I am puzzled why I had this desire, and had such a strong need to carry it out.

I have read stories about how children that have been abused sometimes try to re-enact the abuse. Did someone make me perform oral sex on them at one point? I don't remember.

As an adult, I have had very strong sexual dysfunction from time to time. I am very inhibited with a partner, unless I am drunk. Recently, I found sexual behavior with a partner physically revolting. I actually (secretly) broke down crying after a partner finished his part. I broke things off.

Looking at symptoms of child sexual abuse, I see myself all over them. I know it probably doesn't matter if I remember anything or not, but therapy can still help. I have had therapy, and it has helped. But I still feel that if I can just remember what happened (if anything), it will help me not feel like a complete ###$. I feel like there are so many things wrong with me. I want to blame something else from my childhood, rather than just accept that I am screwed up.

Any thoughts?
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Postby Butterfly Faerie » Sat Apr 04, 2009 4:09 am

Recovering memories is really hard to do, sometimes when you try to force them out you are actually doing more damage and pushing them further back in your mind.

I know things that have occurred but I can't put an image to it, and that happened at 16. The others I can recall clear as day, but that year with him not really. it's like a big gap...

If you feel this is something that you need to look into then talk to someone, sometimes just by talking and finding answers will bring memories up... sometimes it just takes time, and our memories will surface when we can deal with them. I know some people that had memories pop up over 20 yrs later out of the blue... so it's hard to say.

If the person you talk to (if you can) feels that there may be something that needs to come out may offer you something like EMDR, maybe even hypnosis... I've never done either of them though I was told to try EMDR but it was too expensive.


I think what you believe may have occurred very well could have happened, otherwise I don't think that you'd be recalling uncomfortable instances even now when you were so young... do you know what I mean...

It's quite possible to block out the thoughts of someone forcing you to do oral, it's called dissociation. Your mind blocks out events that are too traumatizing to deal with... That's what happened to me, still like that, though i've since moved on.


I think you should perhaps find someone to talk to hon, you are feeling these things for a reason I think.
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Postby Odog » Sat Apr 04, 2009 8:25 pm

I'm not sure you can recover memories- I mean it took me three years to remember anything and I did, but I don't remember everything. There are a lot of memories I have that are just scenes or bits and pieces. When I was in boarding school and had to do therapy all the time I started to remember things that I thought happened, but I'm now starting to believe some of that was false in which I wanted so much to remember things, but I have no clue what is correct and what isn't. Honestly, it bugs me sometimes, but for the most part I don't care, because I remember how I felt- just an overwhelming sense of how I felt in the situation and I tend to stick to that. I wouldn't try to push out memories- I would recommend finding someone to talk to about past memories either in the family if there is someone you trust or a therapist- that helped me- if you look at the ways you act and get an outside and unbiased opinion you may find that your brain will allow itself to open up, but I would bet on it being when your subconscious wants to and can deal with everything. I would stick to you gut on this one- if it feels wrong from your past- then it probably is and if you are already thinking about it, then there is a reason for that too. I'm sorry I don't have much better advice other than you need to start dealing with the feelings- all things come with time- if you have been pushing the memories away this long, then it will probably take that long to start getting them back. Good luck.
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Re: How do I recover suppressed memories?

Postby John Doe » Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:35 am

grilldcheez wrote:Since my teens, I have always been very drawn to stories of sexual abuse. I always ended up feeling dark and dirty, but was drawn nevertheless.

As an adult, I have learned about the abundance of molestation and sexual abuse that has gone on in my family, with siblings and relatives. As a child, I was often around people who were abusers. I don't recall any overt sexual abuse happening to me, though I do recall it happening to others.

There was a time when I was 5 that a friend's father was rough-housing with me. I don't remember anything except that I was suddenly hurt and had to crawl home. I was hospitalized for something unrelated the same day.

A year later, after school was let out, I remember two older (unknown) youths (males) grabbed me when I was on a swing. I remember nothing else that happened, except the sky being gloomy, and discovering myself on the ground, among fallen leaves. I was disoriented.

When I was 8 or 9, a leader from church took several of us kids to his ranch. The memory is vague, but what I do remember is being taken alone (or with one other boy) into a room, and being tickled. I remember kicking. It was uncomfortable, but I don't remember much of anything else, other than being angry that I was being tickled, and quite roughly.

Shortly after this, I found myself driven to put other's penises in my mouth. I had no idea why, except that I felt I needed to do it. I felt like a bad person for wanting it, but wanted it anyway. I found ways to make it happen, even once sneaking into my parents room when my father was asleep, and putting my mouth on his penis, and then running out before he could wake up (I am male). I remember feeling deeply ashamed, but driven. I had no other sexual desire, and I didn't even know what an orgasm was. I am puzzled why I had this desire, and had such a strong need to carry it out.

I have read stories about how children that have been abused sometimes try to re-enact the abuse. Did someone make me perform oral sex on them at one point? I don't remember.

As an adult, I have had very strong sexual dysfunction from time to time. I am very inhibited with a partner, unless I am drunk. Recently, I found sexual behavior with a partner physically revolting. I actually (secretly) broke down crying after a partner finished his part. I broke things off.

Looking at symptoms of child sexual abuse, I see myself all over them. I know it probably doesn't matter if I remember anything or not, but therapy can still help. I have had therapy, and it has helped. But I still feel that if I can just remember what happened (if anything), it will help me not feel like a complete ###$. I feel like there are so many things wrong with me. I want to blame something else from my childhood, rather than just accept that I am screwed up.

Any thoughts?


The government has all sorts of secret technology that can recover your memorys....Trust me, they used it on me. It will cause Alzheimer’s symptoms. You don't want to experience it. You will be able to remember everything that happened 20 years ago, but won't be able to remember what you did last week. My brain still hasen't fully recovered yet. I always knew I was abused, but I forgot the details. I was better off not remembering. What if you WERE sexually abused, and you remembered it, and then, were never going to get justice for it? Its better not knowing.

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuse ... =123038761
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Postby Messy » Fri Apr 17, 2009 4:51 pm

I completely understand wanting to remember, at least a little. I don't want to necessarily remember the vivid details but I want to know enough to feel like it makes sense. Since I am past the statute of limitations for seeking "justice" (as if there really is any), I am not interested in that. It would be nice if I could at least confront someone and it would be nice to know what exactly happened. It is far harder to "move on" in my opinion, when I don't know where I am coming from or going to.

I have heard great things about the EM...whatever. I have also found that just reading other people's stories helped. Sometimes they resonate and sometimes they don't. so I feel they are at least getting me a clearer picture of what may have happened and possibly preparing me to remember. Sometimes people need to hear others stories to really know inside that it is ok to think about it or talk about it.
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Postby John Doe » Sun Apr 19, 2009 12:40 am

I find that most of these sexual abuse forums are being controlled by secret societies. This is why I usually get banned, or my posts get deleted, when I start talking about secret societies. They claim that its because I violated the terms of service. By not allowing me to post this, it might stop other people from coming forward. There are probably many other people/children that were abused by people in secret societies.
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Postby Messy » Sun Apr 19, 2009 1:09 am

Does this have something to do with this thread?
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Postby scarred_cutter » Mon Apr 20, 2009 2:15 pm

Interesting take on it John Doe

But back to this thing, i think that you shouldn't try to force the memories to be remembered...they will come when your body is able to deal. The mind is an incredible thing and it will know when you are fully equipped to handle that kind of stuff...if you really want to know stuff, i'd say hypnosis might be the answer, or perhaps try asking other family members you know that were abused if they remember anything happening to you ever

It'll come to you when you're ready, don't agonise over this (easy for me to say i know)

Good luck
"But i know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't, and how you hurt yourself on the outside...to try to kill the thing on the inside." -Winona Ryder [Girl Interrupted]

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Re: How do I recover suppressed memories?

Postby confusedgirl02 » Tue Dec 01, 2009 7:21 pm

Nothing can stop you sometimes, from worrying about it. And honestly.. I would take that as a sign in itself, that you know what happened, whether you remember or not. What.. is scary is the unknowns. How, who, when, why?

I think.. if you come to terms with it, accept.. that it was a possibility.. and try to think how it affects you, and how you will deal with the information.. maybe it will come easier. Don't focus on remembering, but don't try and forget.

If you feel you really need to know, maybe you do.. but just like with anything that is possibly traumatic.. think about how it will affect you if you were to remember. What if it was your dad, or you mom? or someone else you possibly trust and love today. If you do remember something.. will it change how you feel towards them? How does it make you feel to consider that?

This is just my opinion. So, please, if anyone knows better, correct me for giving bad advice lol. As far as hypnosis.. I'm sorry.. but.. isn't that a bit much? lol, asking someone who was possibly abused to put that much trust into someone, to give them that much control. We all know some people are sick. I don't think I would ever do hypnosis unless I'd known the doctor forever and didn't feel the slightest bit uncomfortable around them.

Good luck to you cheez.
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Re: How do I recover suppressed memories?

Postby anonymus » Fri Jul 02, 2010 3:52 pm

hey i was just researching on how to recover my repressed memories and the min i saw ur post i signed up for this website and all just to reply to u .....i know it was along time ago when u posted this but i had to say i know how u feel i cant remember anything from under the age of 8 well i have bits and pices of memories of being sexually abused at the age of 8 but they are only small pices of the puzzle and i believe that my sexuall abuse gose bk to a very very young aged i have another memorie but its no more than a second or 2 long i use to always wake up in the middle of the night wit the memorie... sound some1 breathing in my ear and it feels so real when i wake up with the memorie because i can feel that breath going down my back and across my neck and im in a pitch black room it so scary that i wouldnt sleep for about 2 days after it.....i 2 started re-enacting sexuall abuse as a child i started at the age of about 8 when i started to get my first erection is when i started doing horrible things to the people closest to me and at the age of 13 i stopped for a while and then at the age of 16 i started doing it again i started hurting the only person that i ever felt loved me my bestfriend my hole life i grew up sole hartedly believeing that no 1 cared for me untill i met her she changed my life she was the reson i stopped doin them things and now i dont know wat to do all i want to do is remember wat happend so i can explain to her but even if i did find out would she even believe me would she even care.....doubt it tho......we are still friends to this day and we never talk about it but the more time gose on the more i can see the pain in her eyes the same pain she took away from me........i feel like killing my self but i havent got the balls to do it....its so horrible to know that the 1 person that could take all that pain away and care for me and love me and all i had to show for it was giving her the pain that she helped me gt over......id love to find away to get my repressed memories bk with out a therypist because they never could help me through the years of therpy iv had...well i never reli gave them a chance tho never trusted them for some reson
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