Ever since I became an adult, I am 38 now, I have been bothered by something that I sometimes think is a dream, but other times I can't shake the fact that I believe it happened for real, when I was little we had this older cousin living with us in our house, she was older, I was maybe 4 or 6 and she was already in her early 20's, I know that she was the first woman I saw naked besides my mom, she is beautiful, whatever you think a woman should look like, she was the perfect specimen, now me being a boy I was not into perversion or anything like that, but I remember us being way more friendly than usual, I remember waking up and she had me in her arms, holding my wee wee, but that is where it gets weird, I can never look at it as if that was real or I was still dreaming, I sometimes see vivid images of her giving me oral... I am not trying to be nasty here but it bothered me so much over the years that I went to a shrink last month and repressed memories came out through hypnotism.
I confronted her yesterday... she painfully admitted all of it, and even mentioned a time when i WAS 12 and she purposely gave me what you call a mickey... and yes I do remember that I would open my eyes and she would be on top of me but it just seemed like a passing dream until now, I grew up in a family of very tight religious belief, up until now I thought I had been a virgin until the day I got married to my girlfriend right before college, being a devoted christian I find myself not only violated but in pain that I am going to have to tell my wife, the mother of my 3 beautiful children that I have been a liar and that I committed sin before we married, I don't know why these memories were suppressed, maybe because of fear, but one thing I can tell you is, if you have cloudy images invade your mind, confront them soon, because I believe they are real memories that somehow your brain blocks and makes them seem as dreams due to many factors like shame or fear, I may lose my marriage over this but at least I am going to be true to myself from now on.
PS for those that think for a guy no way this would be bad... let me tell you, there is no worst feeling than knowing you have been living a lie, up until now I thought the only person I had been intimate with had been my wife