I've always had some psychological issues that couldn't really be explained. When I was very young, maybe kindergarten, I had sensory issues. I wouldn't touch certain objects or eat certain foods that had a particular texture that I didn't like. There is a complete year of my life (around 7-8 years old) that I remember nothing about, and I have excellent memory; I can recall almost everything about my life except that year, including before then, so I know it's not age that's the issue.
Later in elementary school, when I was around 11, I became severely depressed. This depression improved a little from ages 12-15, and then it hit me again. I developed an eating disorder and finally started taking antidepressants, which have a helped a bit.
I'm in my first year of college now and have recently started to have this feeling that something happened to me. I always just assumed all of my issues were biological (they don't run in my family at all). I must have hormonal imbalances or something. But now I'm not so sure.
I have a lot of issues with guys. I never dated in high school because I would just refuse to talk to them. They scared me and I was totally fine not dating. But once I got to college there was more pressure to date. Plus I was lonely. So I started dating this guy. But as soon as I felt like he was going to try and make a move on me I freaked and distanced myself. He broke up with me not too long after this started. A few weeks later I decided to get over myself and date someone else. Maybe I just hadn't liked the other guy enough? This next guy was great and I really did like him, but the same thing happened. We got a little farther than I had with the last guy, but as soon as he tried anything past kissing I would panic. I got this sick feeling in my stomach when he tried to touch me sexually. And I was never really aroused or even remotely pleased when we were making out.
I was talking to a friend recently and she said that she went through something similar - had a lot of psychological issues and relational problems growing up, and after a few months of therapy discovered that she had been abused as a child and had repressed all of those memories. As soon as she told me this, I felt this pain in my stomach. I instantly thought of my grandpa. I have been scared of him my whole life for no reason that I can think of. He is a decent grandpa - not the best, but I would never have imagined him hurting me. But since I talked to my friend I can't stop thinking about it. I've had a headache and stomach pain for days and it's driving me crazy that I just can't remember anything.
Is there a possibility I'm repressing memories? Or is this just my mind fishing for any explanation for all of my issues? I know no one can give me an answer, but similar stories/advice would be so helpful.