How to write a victim impact statement for daughter?

Hi guys, i'm completely new here.

background: my (34F) partner (40M) of 5 years was caught (read: leaving my daughter (<10F) bedroom) and i kicked him out on the spot. that was over a year ago.

Fast forward through some ups and downs, and we've avoided a trial by his pleading guilty to two counts of indecent assault. the sentencing is in 3 weeks.

What i need, is help writing the victim impact statement. some things are really obvious to me, i.e. bed wetting. Other things i think are probably present, but since i've kind of been living 'in the soup" i may not notice until someone else mentions it. so i just want some things that YOU think i should consider if they are true impacts on my daughter, so i can put this information to the dectective.

Thanks so much.

I think that if you start by writing down what your daughter was like beforehand and while you're doing that - the ways that she's changed because of what happened should reveal themselves.
While some effects of sexual abuse are kind of universal (like being scared of the dark, having nightmares, being overly clingy or pushing you away and retreating, not laughing much, sleeping in odd places - under the bed/in a wardrobe etc) - what is really the most important thing is to do a compare and contrast type list.

What was your daughter like beforehand? talk me through what a typical day with her was like, and then talk me through a typical day now.. (literally the whole day please from getting out of bed, eating her breakfast, brushing her teeth, washing her face and hands.. going to school)
is it still the same or have things changed in any way (no matter how small.. maybe she doesn't like washing her hair anymore or maybe she always puts the hood up on her coat now when she never did before..)
tell me about her friendships and her interests and everything..

thanks.
i guess it's hard for a couple of reasons. she was 5 when he came into her life, and now she is 10. so i have to imagine how she would have grown up, without the abuse.
plus - i dont really like thinking about it too hard, it makes me cry, and i'd much rather just work forwards from here. I do know however, that this part of looking back is really important in being able to move forwards from here.

thank you.

Has she got many friends. Therefore does she trust.

How does she do at school.

Does she try to hard to please. This is a reflection of low self esteem.

Let us know.
and so sorry for your daughter, and for you but you have found the right place here.

Stay strong.

Hugs to you if you're okay with them..

I can't imagine how horrible it is for everyone right now and i know that trying to write that victim impact statement is going to be one of the hardest things you've ever had to do in your life.
Is it needed for the courts so that they can ask for a really heavy sentence and use the statement to add weight to what they're asking for?

I know it's really difficult to imagine what she would have been like without this happening but what really matters now is that you're supported enough to support her through this.
A strong, supportive and caring mum is enough to scare all the shadows away in the end - your daughter will very likely be fine if she's given the right therapeutic services and plenty of hugs from you.. but make sure that you take care of you so that you can take care of her.
If you need to cry then cry.. if you need to go and punch things then go to the gym and take it out on the punchbags.. if you're able to get one and you'd like to try, then a counsellor would be a really helpful idea while you're trying to come to terms with all of this.

seabreezeblue wrote:


A strong, supportive and caring mum is enough to scare all the shadows away in the end - your daughter will very likely be fine if she's given the right therapeutic services and plenty of hugs from you.. but make sure that you take care of you so that you can take care of her.

I so cannot emphasize this enough. Many survivors live very full, fantastic lives, and with you love and understanding, this should be no different.

and I agree with Sea, love yourself, and don't get wrapped up in social guilt, real bad stuff happens to good people all the time, don't let it scar you.

seabreezeblue wrote:Hugs to you if you're okay with them..
If you need to cry then cry.

hugs is exactly what i need right now. and I'm crying like a leaky tap. Mum was really helpful on the phone just now and said that actually the next 2-3 weeks (until sentencing) are actually just going to be really hard.

*sigh. I can bury it really well, but all these systematic (and highly important) processes keep bringing it up. and my mind turns to other issues with my relationships with other people and focuses on all the things wrong there.

this is such an AWFUL situation.