repressed memories? Is this abuse? *may trigger*

hi, I'm currently 15 and lately all that's going through my mind is that the things that happened to me weren't that bad or anything. I constantly feel invalid and at the same time constantly think about what I can remember from my childhood to reassure myself. But I need to ask questions because I can't trust myself anymore.

I'll start with the repressed memories. I feel as if I have them because I acted out starting around 5 years old (I pleasured myself knowing what I was doing, although I thought that could get me pregnant for some reason, I had a huge fear of pregnancy for years at a young age which I find odd. But I also made my dolls and toys have sex and was overly sexual, all that stuff) I exhibited signs of sexual abuse but don't remember anything. The only thing I recall from that time period is my stepfather at the time sitting on the couch and having me stand in front of him mostly naked while he examined my chest and commented about how one of my nipples looked weird to him. (After this I was self conscious based on this for years and still am) and then someone came in (I think my mom) and he told her to come here and look because he thought it looked strange. It just doesn't sit right with me. He was abusive otherwise to my mother and I remember them fighting constantly and then he was in prison.

Fast forward to me being about 10-12 and I'm living with my dad and stepmom and her three kids. 2 younger daughters and a son 3 years older than me. I don't remember much about what he did to me but I know he did things and liked me too much. He constantly favored me over my sisters and would constantly joke and talk about sexual things and before even showed me sexual things online when we were alone. He'd tried to get me to show him my gentials before and to show me his. I used to sleep with him often but then I suddenly wasn't allowed to. I tend to blame myself for him acting this way because I often wore just underwear around the house or just no pants because it was comfortable. At one point after he acted like this I fell in love with him and I'm disgusted by this fact. Did he abuse me, or am I just weird? Also, is it likely I have repressed memories?