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Relationship problems (partner of survivor)

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Re: Relationship problems (partner of survivor)

Postby Rk0982 » Thu Dec 10, 2015 5:24 pm

Hello, I was looking through Pinterest this morning which we are both on and I saw something that. She had posted about how this pregnancy will be harder than the last one and this baby is way more dramatic than the last one . I know that she got pregnant before by her stepdad and she told me she had an abortion she was only 14 at the time. If she is pregnant how come she would not tell me and I can't ask her anything because I'm sure I wasn't suppose to see that. We haven't talked in a week and if she is pregnant I would want to be. Involved. I love her and up until meeting her I never wanted marriage or a family but she changed all that. I would like to start a family with her but now I'm worried that she may not want me around my baby. This made everything way more difficult and I wish she would start taking to me again and I would think she would let me know if she was pregnant and wouldn't want to keep that from me. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should do. I wish there was a way that me and her could get together to catch up on things, maybe then she would tell me if she is really pregnant
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Re: Relationship problems (partner of survivor)

Postby seabreezeblue » Sun Dec 13, 2015 12:16 am

Can you phone her and ask to meet up for a coffee/lunch/dinner/movie night.?

If she agrees then you can bring up the pregnancy thing diplomatically and ask her if she is pregnant - tell her the same stuff that you posted here (ie that you'd like to be with her and really like the idea of being a family with her)
If she doesn't agree to meet up then bring up the pregnant thing carefully on the phone - if she won't answer the phone then send her a text/email/carrier pigeon and ask if she is.

If she's posted on Pinterest that she's pregnant, it's likely that she wants you to know - if she didn't want you to know then she'd surely not post the info publicly..
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Re: Relationship problems (partner of survivor)

Postby Rk0982 » Sun Dec 13, 2015 12:28 am

I saw her today at the gas station and she was very friendly with me, she kept wiping off my shirt where I had some dirt on it and gave me a big hug before we left. I sent her a message if she wanted to get something to eat when I get off but I haven't heard back. I really miss her in my life and she is all I want. I don't want to ask her if she's pregnant I know that will upset her, she will have to bring it up. There is nothing I want more than her and us to have a family together I love her so much, and it has killed me the last few months without her
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Re: Relationship problems (partner of survivor)

Postby seabreezeblue » Sun Dec 13, 2015 12:42 am

but if you don't ask if she's pregnant then you'll continue to be upset..
you're as important as she is in all of this - you need to balance out those scales a bit more.

I know that this might seem a really counterproductive thing to do because you probably think that being the nice guy will win her round.. but stand up for yourself and take charge a bit here.
Respect yourself and respect from others will follow - some people won't like you doing this but most people will and you surely want someone that respects you.. (?).

why would it upset her to ask if she's pregnant? just say that you saw her Pinterest and you think you should meet up to discuss things - don't ask her if she wants to, just send her a text saying something like ''I saw your Pinterest and think we should meet up to discuss things, does Sat or Sun work better for you? xx''

(put the kisses at the end or a smiley.. makes it friendly and it sounds like she'll be nervous so that will help)
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Re: Relationship problems (partner of survivor)

Postby Rk0982 » Sun Dec 13, 2015 1:00 am

She posted something on Facebook before and when I asked her about it she blew up saying I was envading her privacy and deleted from there. I know she would be very upset if I asked about Pinterest. I don't know what to do anymore, I want to be with her again and it seems like she really does like me still but I don't know. If I call once in awhile sometimes she respondes and other times she ignores my calls. I don't call or txt very much either. I wish there was a way Coukd know if she wanted to try us again.
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Re: Relationship problems (partner of survivor)

Postby Rk0982 » Mon Dec 14, 2015 5:52 pm

I have been doing a lot of thinking about what you said the other day that I am as important as she is through all this, and I have been putting her in front of my feelings for awhile now to make sure that she is happy and I have not worried about me or my feelings. I have realized we probably won't get back together and I have been trying to be there for her but she wants to do everything by yourself and I txt her to meetuo for lunch one day and I never got any response back. I guess it may be time for me to try to move on and if something happens later with me and her I can see what happens then. For a few months now she hasn't tried to reach out to me and when we run into each other around town she keeps getting More and more friendly each time but she hasn't tried to contact me outside of that. It's hard giving up on us but if I don't start worrying about my own feelings I'll continue to feel bad. As far as the pregnancy I will see if she ever contacts me and if she is pregnant I would hope she would let me know and not try to hide it from me. She is due to have cancer surgery and after that she will not be able to have children so this will be her last chance if she is pregnant. When she first started therapy she wanted to end the relationship and be friends throughout her therapy and trying dating with a clean slate when she is healed, but it feels like now she won't want that anymore.
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Re: Relationship problems (partner of survivor)

Postby seabreezeblue » Mon Dec 14, 2015 6:19 pm

sounds like a really good plan - unfortunately therapy usually makes things a little muddled for a while when you first start so her not wanting to be wih you right now is pretty crappy but entirely understandable.
the other issue is that healing properly through therapy means that people can change quite a lot and start seeing things from a very different perspective so while I hope you do end up back together, i'm glad you've decided to start taking care of your own needs a lot more - really important.

How are you going to tart taking care of you more? have you got anything good planned for over the holiday period and are you able to start going out a bit with some friends or anything? (if you want to of course)
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Re: Relationship problems (partner of survivor)

Postby Rk0982 » Mon Dec 14, 2015 6:35 pm

I am going to start focusing again on going to the gym and getting heathy again. I have always felt a lot better when I have done that, i also might try going on a date or two and see what happens, i am also not going to keep trying to contact her, if she wants. To talk she will call me. It was hard being ignored by someone that you care a lot about so I figured if I don't try to contact her that will not keep hurting me. It was a hard decision to move on but I think at this point it will be for the best, and if she does want to start spending time together she will contact me and we can see we're it goes. The last few times we have seen each other she has been more and more friendly towards me and even started light contact and she gave me a big hug last time I saw her which she hasn't done in a long time but I realized if she did want us to spend time together she would make an effort towards it.
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Re: Relationship problems (partner of survivor)

Postby Rk0982 » Wed Dec 16, 2015 1:38 am

I just had an unexpected call from her and she was telling me that her and her therapist have been doing a lot of talking and she said her therapist said that because of all the guys that hurt her she can't be comfortable around them and that is why she can't open up. She was telling me that her and her therapist have come to the conclusion that she needs to be with woman instead of men. I know she told me before she has been with some females before. I guess that answered my question if we will get back together again and I know that will not happen now. I guess I can move on now that I know me and her will never be together again. It was hard to hear but in a weird way it felt good that I finally have some closure and don't have to worry anymore. She wants to be friends stil but nothing more
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