Our partner

Was i Sexually abused as a child?

Open Discussions About Sexual Abuse and Incest.

Moderators: Terry E., Snaga

Forum rules
You are entering a forum that contains discussions of abuse, some of which are explicit in nature. The topics discussed may be triggering to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum. If you are posting about actions of yours which you feel are/were abusive please post about this in The Remorse Forum. If you have been falsely accused of abusing someone please post in the For Those Falsely Accused of Abusing thread.

Please also note that discussions about Incest in this forum are only in relation to abuse. Discussions about Incest in a non-abusive context are not allowed at PsychForums.

Thank you for your cooperation.

The Mod Team

Was i Sexually abused as a child?

Postby GB46 » Wed Oct 14, 2015 7:12 pm

Hi,
The thing is when I was very young (under 4?) I was in foster care for a short while, as my parents (long story) had been accused of physically abusing my brother (he was born with a medical condition). However, by the time I was four, we were back with our family as they found out they hadn’t abused him.
Anyway, my point is, I can’t really remember much about that time, I was so young. But I do remember having a dream one night around that time (shortly after or during). It was dark (in my grandmothers’ house) and this creepy man making weird noises followed me around, and I was really scared of him, and kept trying to get my grandma to help me. I apparently told my mum his description and that it was a scary dream and she was worried that this was some guy I had met through being in foster care. Around this time also I began being really afraid of men. There are pictures of me when my uncle came to visit when I was about three and you can just see on my face that I don’t want him near him (trust me, not him, I remember being scared of men in general). Whilst yes, it is common for children to have nightmares and be scared, there is something odd about it that haunts me.
It almost seems sexual. Its sounds odd, but the way he was following me around, and the way I was scared of men. The reason I was scared was if they would be interested in me in I guess a ‘sexual’ way? Its hard to explain, because at that age I didn’t know what sex was, but I seemed to understand that men like women/girls a certain way, and I was afraid that they would view me as that. Is it possible that I was sexually abused whilst I was in foster care??
Just in case it helps, I did show some slight sexual behaviour as a child – not public or anything, but I always lay on my stomach, and when I was much younger I would sort of grind against the mattress? (didn’t know what sex was) Sorry that sounds odd, and whenever I saw, say a couple innocently kiss in a movie, it gave me a funny feelings down there (and I assumed this was needing to use the bathroom). I know this also sounds really odd, but I am a virgin, but a part of me just feels like I’m not pure and I don’t know why that is.
I’ve also always had a very low self-esteem and confidence issues as well.
Does this sound like I was sexually abused? Its just so hard to tell because I was so young and part of me just doesn’t want to remember. I just feel like I’ve been sexually violated and its heart-breaking.
GB46
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Oct 14, 2015 7:03 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 6:53 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Was i Sexually abused as a child?

Postby The_Ghoul » Thu Oct 15, 2015 12:22 am

Let me ask you something ; If a man were shot by an arrow , and needed to be healed , would knowing where the arrow came from do me any good? Likewise , knowing what caused the pain is of little consequence. The mind can make memories as easy as it forgets them , so be careful you don't invent something that never was. Focus on improving your self esteem and being more comfortable around people and you will be happier. Much love and peace be upon you.
"Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those who we cannot resemble."

"Life is suffering. Suffering arises from delusional ignorance. There is a way to end suffering. This way is the Noble Eight fold Path." - The Four Noble Truths
The_Ghoul
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 548
Joined: Thu Nov 25, 2010 5:11 am
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 6:53 am
Blog: View Blog (17)

Re: Was i Sexually abused as a child?

Postby Leili » Thu Oct 15, 2015 5:31 am

I'm not sure you will ever know since you were too young to remember. For what it's worth, I think everything you described is a normal part of growing up for a lot of girls. I went through a period where I was afraid of men; I explored masturbating at a young age. Low self-esteem and confidence are normal. I'd be more worried if you described hypervigilance, self-harm, constant nightmares, dissociating.

I don't see anything that looks like evidence you were sexually abused, but that doesn't mean you weren't. If it's something that causes you a lot of anxiety you should go to therapy and work some of those feelings out.
Leili
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 396
Joined: Fri Sep 25, 2015 1:28 am
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 1:53 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Was i Sexually abused as a child?

Postby GB46 » Thu Oct 15, 2015 7:01 pm

The_Ghoul wrote:Let me ask you something ; If a man were shot by an arrow , and needed to be healed , would knowing where the arrow came from do me any good? Likewise , knowing what caused the pain is of little consequence. The mind can make memories as easy as it forgets them , so be careful you don't invent something that never was. Focus on improving your self esteem and being more comfortable around people and you will be happier. Much love and peace be upon you.


Thank you for your reply and support. Its really hard for me to describe, and I know its comes across as something that perhaps is relatively normal but its just really hard I guess to describe the feeling I have around it. It just seems really strange at 3 years old to have some form of sexual fear and for that dream I had when I was probably about four to still haunt me today....I guess there is no definite way to know, but part of me feels that acknowledging that it could have happening may help in it stop bothering me.
GB46
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Oct 14, 2015 7:03 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 6:53 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Was i Sexually abused as a child?

Postby GB46 » Thu Oct 15, 2015 7:07 pm

Leili wrote:I'm not sure you will ever know since you were too young to remember. For what it's worth, I think everything you described is a normal part of growing up for a lot of girls. I went through a period where I was afraid of men; I explored masturbating at a young age. Low self-esteem and confidence are normal. I'd be more worried if you described hypervigilance, self-harm, constant nightmares, dissociating.

I don't see anything that looks like evidence you were sexually abused, but that doesn't mean you weren't. If it's something that causes you a lot of anxiety you should go to therapy and work some of those feelings out.


Thank you for reply and support. I know this seems like it sounds relatively normal, because I guess in some ways it is. Its just really hard to put into words how I feel about it - to be so young and have feelings of fear based on sex/gender, and to have that nightmare still bother me today seems odd. And I think its just that there's something also about that foster home (something I very vaguely remember) that I did not like, and it kinda scared me.
I have actually been close to self-harm, when I've had extreme self -esteem issues,and have had that fear of the dream coming back or remembering something maybe I don't want to. But then again I wish I could just know in a way. But I think just accepting that this might have happening may help me to stop it bothering me
GB46
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Oct 14, 2015 7:03 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 6:53 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Sexual Abuse and Incest Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: domstrel and 15 guests

cron