Alright this is the first time I've ever put this into words so bare with me if its a bit scrambled.
When my cousin and i (let's call him Dave) were around 8-12, I can't remember exactly, my older cousin who is almost 5 years older than us (let's call him Jake) started sexually abusing us. I've only realized it was sexual abuse after years of thinking it was just curiosity, or something along those lines. Giving the age difference though Im pretty sure that can't be right. The abuse wasn't violent in any ways, but it wasn't just fondling either, it was extremely sexual acts. After it stopped me and Dave continued to fool around into our early teens, however we both consider ourselves straight now as far as I know.
I'm now 21 and ive started realizing that I've been suffering from depreciation, anxiety, and possible body dysmophic disorder. I've started taking an antidepressant recently and want to start tackling my issues. I'm remained close friends with Jake ever since we were young and have never spoken of what happened all those years ago. I feel like I need to talk to him about it, and I have every intention of forgiving him, assuming he shows remorse and acknowledgs it was sexusl abuse.
Now while that isn't going to be easy, I feel that I can get through it and find some sort of peace with it. However, what has been really bothering me lately is a memory that jumped back into my mind sometime last year. I was still quite you, around 9-11 and hanging out with Dave's younger brother (let's call him Greg). It was while every thing was happening with Jake and Dave and I, and I remember trying to do some of the things we did together with Greg, who was probably around 6-8. Nothing really sexual, just touching really I think. He didn't like it and I stopped. This was before I had hit puberty and before I really even knew anything about my sexuality. Nothing that happened back then ever felt good, it was more just exciting I guess.
So my real concern is that I've done something just as bad as Jake. That's what truly gives me anxiety. Greg is doing great now as far as I can tell. He has non of the same social problems as me and seems genuinely happy and well adjusted. I would like to apologize, but I don't want to bring something up if there is a chance he doesn't even remember. But at the same time I don't know how to get past it without knowing if it affected him.
I'm mostly just terrified of bring it up at all because it has the potential to tear apart the whole family, who are all quite close.
Any opinions on wether that one time would have effected him? Or if he would even remember considering how young he was at the time?